January 9th, 2009
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where everyone around you is yelling frantically about things that are simply material such as money? I’ve found myself in these types of situations on several accounts. You see my father never had anything really growing up so now every time he makes some money by working he becomes rather greedy for more. My sister, mother, and I all make jokes about him being like the sheriff of Nottingham in the Disney’s Robin Hood, never leaving a dime to anyone else and always making sure everyone pays their dues. Sure we have small arguments about it from time to time but the ones I remember the most are the big time arguments that fold into several family problems all at once. All because of one simple little piece of paper and shiny pieces of metal. Such incidents like tonight will always be stuck in my memories for as long as I live.
It all started with my dad coming home the last two nights in a row in a werewolf mood. As my mom would say “Someone ate their wolf cookies”, meaning basically he acts like a savage beast and you’re his prey. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing you will be yelled out for doing it wrong, not doing anything, or simply just ignoring him for a brief moment. Normally he’s at his worst when my mother is out at work and calms down before she gets home basically leaving my sister and I as the prey for about three hours of the day when we are at home. However you’d be surprised how many emotions you can go through in only three hours, for examples we normally start off in a so-so mood, then it switches to self hate, then hate of the people around you, and then there is the fear of doing something wrong that won’t please dad. Not only that but the fear of just talking back or trying to defend yourself is enough to scare you into just looking down and hoping he’ll let things go. However most fights with dad are always this way and their often times one sided as well seeing how when mom comes home she tends to stick up for dad and not us, being my sister and I.
However after all the frustration from the fight with dad all those emotions soon emerge into one gigantic ball of hate towards everyone in the family and words are often said then can really hurt some of the most important people to you in your life. Such was the case tonight when my sister was so mad at mom always taking dad’s side in every fight, not only that but the fact that our parents are insanely overprotective and rarely let us go hang out with our friends or even go out of the house for long periods of time. And without thinking my sister told my mother that she couldn’t wait for the day she won’t have to hear her voice anymore because it annoyed her. The instant I heard it from the backseat of the car I knew my mom was trying hard not to cry. My mom and I had a similar fight one other time in sixth grade and I told her I hated her and with the rage that I was feeling at that time I ended up slapping her across the face. Afterwards I remember walking into the bathroom in my parents’ room finding her under the sink sobbing her eyes out and yelling at me to get out. After seeing her like that I regretted ever telling her that and most importantly hitting her. Even though my mom was yelling at me to get out though I ended up on my knees hugging her under the sink for a good while as she continued to cry. It’s a memory I’ll never forget of my mom and I know my sister won’t forget her mistake with mom as well.
Why is it that we often let our emotions overtake us and get caught up in a war that no one ever wants’ to be a part of? Why do we have to be such materialistic people? Isn’t it just enough to have each other, being able to have fun together, eat together, be sad together, and love together? I’m hoping as the years continue to scroll on by I won’t have to witness or take part in anymore fights of these sorts in my family, because it hurts me to see everyone so angry at one another…
I’m sorry for my ramblings as always it’s just that I can’t really say I have good friends who I could turn to, to let my feelings out. So if you did read all of this thank you it means a lot to me.
~ Brit