(no subject)
I just have to say thank you to Austin for making me go see Lawrence tonight. Otherwise, I really don't think I would have. I wanted to, because I knew it was just petty and childish not to go see him on his last night here. We had yet another little talk. And one last goodbye-for-now kiss. After that, I went off to the park to just swing, and think some more. (It's just a process that I go through after going through something, no offense to anyone, but I just HAVE to be alone for a day or two at the most) And I just got hit with the realization that I really do have faith in him, I do love him, and the year that goes by without us having to go through stress with not knowing when we'll be able to contact each other again is going to help us grow closer. It was.. strange, and exhilarating at the same time. Because upon that realization, I also was just smacked with a boost of confidence, happiness, and just.. contentness.
It was kind of funny, though. When I parked by the apartment. It'd been all gloomy and crap today. I started on my drive to the apartment, and just suddenly the sun starts peeking out from behind the clouds. By the time I got to the apartment, it was all sunny. Even with that little sign of good luck, I still sat half in my car and half out, debating whether or not I could get OUT of the car completely to say goodbye to him. ...then suddenly I hear the screen door open. Out comes Charles, Brenda, Mark (Lawrence's step dad), and Kayla. ><;; I was just like, "Shit, I'm caught!" Then Brenda's car comes down the street with Alicia and Ricky. Then I was like, "Well double shit..." I was literally trapped. So I just kinda crept out of my car and stood by the porch to talk to everyone 'fore they decided to go home. And I was left with Charles on the porch, and he told me that Lawrence was upstairs. The boy was dead asleep, yet again. Laura, that girl that Charles is interested in, was there after Charles had gotten back in and settled down on the couch. I saw how she was with Charles on the couch and stuff. She was actually a lot like how I am with Lawrence. Leaning, arm kind of wrapped around his knee kind of thing. I don't know, but she didn't really.. give off any warning bells like the last couple of times. Even when she hugged him and stuff, I was kind of alarmed for a second, but it went away. ...well, I did say that I was going to work on the whole jealousy issue. -_-;; It's being worked on quite well. But just because she and I still get along, it doesn't mean that I'm going to still be buddy buddy with her if she decides to hurt Charles. I'ma smack the shit out of her if she hurts my buddy. Though oddly enough, I think that if they ever decided to part ways, it'd be a mutual thing.
But yeah. After Laura left, Lawrence and I got to talk a little bit. I actually did most of the talking this time. I apologized without actually saying "I'm sorry". Just a talent. :D But yeah. I got to tell him what I wanted to, and that basically he's an extremely important person to me, and that I'll be waiting for him when he comes home for good.
I almost want to go back to the park and sit on the swings and just.. stare at the stars and think some more. Where as I might not go to the park, I think I will sit outside and stare at the stars and think. Contemplate. Roll around in the warmth and happiness that I'm currently still feeling. I've truthfully never felt like this with anyone before. Never had such obvious signs. Now, all I have to do now is keep myself preoccupied and become more adult-like while Lawrence is gone. I still want to go and try at the theater here in Moberly. Just because I love movies, and I'd be able to watch them after I got off work for free. Muahaha. ...how much do they pay anyway? xX;; It couldn't be that bad from the way they make us poor customers pay. But yes. I also found out when national ACT testing starts at the MACC. I read it on their website. June 11th, I think they said. I have to go register to take the test. Or sign up. Or something like that. That was basically all they said that I had to do. Though I think talking to whoever is in charge of that stuff would be best. Or I could just write an email. Or something. I dunno. Anyway, I'm going to sit outside and be content with life. ^^