Title: Over and Over
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point
Characters/Pairing: Blaine/Kurt
Chapters: 4/? (the fic starts
here)
Word Count: 2172
Summary: Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now. (Spoilers for 5x01)
Chapter Four
"Kurt?" Blaine pokes his head around the door to the dance studio, wondering why Kurt's asked to meet him here instead of at the coffee shop or even at Blaine's dorm. Although, since their relationship progression after the night they'd spent there has been moving at less than a snail's pace, maybe there's a reason for that.
Kurt's…an enigma, and Blaine's always kind of gotten that impression from him but maybe he'd expected that once Kurt all but agreed to a relationship, he'd actually want to do things that implied they were in a relationship.
Except that's not how it's happening, and the last thing Blaine wants to do right now is scare him away so he's just…not going to say anything no matter how confused he is.
Which still doesn't explain why they're meeting at school, and he slides around the door and yelps when something whips right by his face.
"Hey!" Kurt stops, spinning a pair of what look like ninja swords around before finally standing still. "Sorry, I was concentrating."
"Are you…trying out for a part in a kung-fu movie, or…?" Blaine stops and laughs incredulously, because this isn't something he'd ever have expected Kurt to be proficient at.
Although, really, it makes a strange amount of sense. He's not…entirely sure if it's possible for them to subconsciously remember talents they'd been blessed with in other lives, but if it is, there's probably a lot more to Kurt than he's realizing.
"No," Kurt grins at him and sets the swords down. "I guess I just…wanted to find a way to protect myself if I needed to, and over time it became sort of a hobby. I used to practice singing while using them, and I figure if I can get through a song without injuring myself that probably means I won't ever be distracted on-stage," he replies, and Blaine has to admit there's a fair amount of logic in that explanation. "Not that I carry them around all the time, but I tried practicing in the loft once and almost took out Rachel's lamp. Although that thing's so gaudy it wouldn't have been a loss," he mumbles the last part mostly to himself but Blaine has to smile regardless.
"You're a man of many talents, Kurt Hummel," Blaine says, and it comes out a little flirtier than he had intended but the slight flush on Kurt's cheeks and the pleased smile he sends Blaine's direction make it okay. "So are we going for coffee, or are you going to wow me with more of your mad ninja skills?"
"Coffee," Kurt replies with a breathless laugh. "But if you want lessons I'm more than happy to oblige."
"I might have to take you up on that," Blaine waits for Kurt to pack the swords away and holds out his hand without even meaning to, but Kurt stares at it for a few seconds before slipping his own into it. "Come on," Blaine laces their fingers together and loses himself in thought as they walk out of NYADA and onto the nearby street.
Because he's going to have to investigate a little bit more, but if it's true that Kurt's remembering snippets of past lives…or, at least, things he was good at in past lives…muscle memory, in a way….that's actually kind of fascinating.
And even though they weren't ninja swords, per say, there was a time when Kurt was more familiar with blades than anybody Blaine knew, and he doesn't feel too badly remembering that lifetime because, for what it's worth, it's one of the better ones.
000
He's not sure of the year, exactly, but it was medieval England and he was the son of a semi-important lord. Kurt was the local blacksmith's son, apprenticing to take over the forge when his father either decided to give it to him or passed on, and their town was known for making some of the finest blades in the region.
So yes, Kurt then had known about swords, and had known how to use them quite well. And, really, had taught Blaine a thing or two, since they'd known each other since childhood and become best friends almost instantly.
Lovers, well, that came later, and of course it wasn't anything they could let slip to anybody else, but for a few years they shared each other's beds when they got the chance, or snuck out to a nearby lake on their horses, but when news came that Blaine was to be wed (it was marriage for the sake of power, which was fairly common then, the joining of two noble families to become one with even greater influence) they knew their time was running short and he's not sure why this particular memory is the one that comes up now, but it does.
000
"I hate that you have to marry that girl," Kurt's surly even in the aftermath of their nocturnal activities, spread on his stomach with his arms crossed under his chin. "Can they not leave us be in peace?"
"You know it would not last. If we were two peasants, mayhap, but I am the lone heir to my father's title and I would not disappoint him. She is…"
"A woman," Kurt says, as if that explains everything (and it does, in a way). "You will be expected to have children."
"I think I will be able to perform my husbandly duties adequately," Blaine's a little put-out that Kurt has so little faith in him. "Even if I must think of you while I am with her," he reaches to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind Kurt's ear, and Kurt turns onto his side and gives him a tiny smile.
"You would do that?"
"I may need to. But I promise you, no matter what this joining of our families means, you will be my blacksmith always," he hopes that his words are of some comfort, but Kurt frowns and turns his face away. "What is it?"
"To be near you for the rest of my life but yet unable to touch you as more than a friend, is that really what we must do?" he sounds distressed and Blaine reaches to stroke his back, sliding his hand down under the thin covers protecting their modesty.
"We were friends long before we became this," Blaine reminds him gently. "If all we shall have are memories, at least they will be good ones."
"Then, if time is truly that short, perhaps we should spend less of it speaking and more of it making those memories," Kurt turns over, his eyes alight again, and pulls Blaine in for a kiss that makes all thoughts of marriage and children flee his mind entirely.
000
Okay, so it hadn't been perfect, but both he and Kurt had lived to a fairly old age and his wife had been…nice, if a little overbearing and self-centered (actually, from what he knows of Rachel, he thinks they were scarily similar and that thought frightens him a bit).
So, in the grand scheme of things, no untimely deaths and living a rather peaceful life are what he needs to consider it 'good', and it was.
"Blaine?" Kurt's voice stops him and he looks over in surprise. "We're here. Are you okay? You look like you're not…with me," he looks concerned and Blaine shakes his head and smiles, trying to show that he's firmly back in the present.
"I'm fine. Just thinking," he says, squeezing Kurt's hand and getting a small squeeze in return. The coffee shop is packed as usual and Blaine suggests heading to his dorm while they're in line, and although Kurt looks hesitant he eventually agrees when it becomes clear they're not going to get a seat.
He can feel Kurt's reluctance the entire time they walk to the building, and even though they're still holding hands Kurt seems far more distant than he had only minutes before. Blaine chooses not to comment on it until they're inside his room, and he's thankful not for the first time that he's in one of the newer, single dorms and he has everything he needs in his living space.
"Kurt?" he says after a few moments when Kurt makes no move to take off his coat or walk further into the room. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Kurt gives him a bad imitation of a smile and finally unbuttons his coat, hanging it over the back of a chair and walking over to the couch with his coffee. "I just…can't help feeling guilty because I'm being a horrible boyfriend, and coming back here reminded me that I did agree to this and, well, I haven't really shown that."
"Kurt, I told you that we would move as slowly as you wanted to…."
"Yes, but I've been moving so slowly that I think even I would have gotten fed up if our positions were reversed, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about that," he begins and Blaine gets a momentary feeling of fear because that's not usually a good way to start a conversation. And if he loses Kurt now, there's no guarantee he'll ever get him back because to come on too strong about giving them another chance would just seem creepy and overbearing.
"Kurt…"
"Let me finish," Kurt takes a breath and sets his coffee on the end table, reaching to take Blaine's hands and squeezing lightly. "I don't trust people. Maybe I used to, but it takes me forever to let people in and I know that's a fault I have, but I can't help it. I don't have many friends, people think I'm cold and bitchy and not worth the effort, and I've known Rachel and Santana for years now and there are still some things I'd never tell them. But you make me want to just…tell you everything and that scares me," he's almost whispering now, eyes averted and thumb rubbing almost convulsively over the back of Blaine's hand. "And I keep feeling this weird deja vu around you that I can't explain," he adds and it's similar to things he's said before, all of which make perfect sense to Blaine but Kurt probably finds all of the weird feelings of trust and familiarity confusing and intimidating.
"That's not bad, Kurt," he promises, holding Kurt's hands a little tighter. "I know that maybe true love or love at first sight or getting hit by a thunderbolt the moment you see somebody, maybe that doesn't happen, but if two people have a strong connection I don't think that's something to be afraid of," he tries to be as earnest as he can without revealing too much, but Kurt doesn't look convinced.
"I'm just…afraid, I think, of going too deep too fast because people have hurt me, and I feel like…the more I care about somebody, the more it would affect me if they ever, you know…" he shrugs one shoulder and yes, Blaine does know, and he knows that Kurt never has that to fear from him because quite frankly he thinks he might be incapable of doing anything to break the other man's trust.
Except, again, he can't say that. So he has to bluff once more.
"Kurt," he stops and thinks carefully about his next words, because they might be either a way to make Kurt feel more at ease or completely scare him away, and he needs it to be the first option. "I can't promise that I won't fuck up. I'm human, and sometimes I make mistakes, and that's…unavoidable. But I can promise that I will never consciously do something to hurt you, and that I will always talk to you first if it's something that we both need to decide on. And if that's…okay for you, and you can promise the same for me, I think we're going to be fine," he smiles at the end and Kurt finally meets his eyes, a weak smile of his own on his lips.
"I know. I know I'm being stupid, and you're being way more patient than I deserve, and…thank you," he laughs and hangs his head. "I guess I just have to get used to the weird feelings that we've known each other a lot longer than we actually have, huh? I mean, unless you believe in reincarnation," he's teasing and it's obvious but Blaine stutters out a nervous laugh and can't really say anything to the contrary.
"Hey, c'mere," he replies instead, and Kurt shifts forward enough that Blaine can wrap him up in a hug that Kurt returns after a moment, his fingers digging into the shoulder of Blaine's cardigan and gripping tightly. "We'll figure all of this out together, okay?"
"Yeah. Okay," Kurt whispers against his neck, and Blaine really wants to kiss him senseless right about now but that would drive him off for sure so for the moment he has to settle for just…holding him.
And for the moment, it's absolutely perfect.
Chapter Three Notes:
1. Thanks for all of the positive feedback on this fic! I know the soulmate trope is pretty common and I'm glad that my take on it so far seems to be at least a little different enough that people are interested to read about it :)