Happy Birthday, Paulie!!
So, because it is Paulie’s birthday today, I decided that instead of just giving a generic shout-out I’d actually write a fic. It was supposed to be short and kind of exploded, and a warning: it’s pure and utter crack. Which is why it shall stay in my journal.
Title: In Which Paulie Is Traumatized and Everyone Else Is Laughing
Rating: PG-15-ish
Pairing:…I won’t say, but there’s some mild Het AND Yaoi…
Word Count: 1967
Other Things: I warn you once more, it’s crack-y. But maybe someone will find it amusing?
In Which Paulie Is Traumatized and Everyone Else Is Laughing
Frankly, he didn’t see why he needed to dress up.
Sure, the rest of the Galley-La was taking him out for his birthday, and unlike a normal night when they’d just go to Blueno’s and get trashed, they had decided that they were taking him to some nightclub that he’d never heard of.
And they’d told him to dress up.
The words ‘dress up’ were not generally in his vocabulary, but he dug through the closet and came up with a black jacket that looked slightly better than his customary sky-blue one and a pair of jeans. They were old and baggy and he was pretty sure he’d worn them to work a couple (dozen) times, but they didn’t have any weird stains or anything. He took off his goggles and tried to comb his hair, but gave that up as a lost cause and decided that this was as ‘dressed up’ as he was going to get.
And so, with a sense of foreboding literally hanging over him, he left for the club.
000
He was more than right about feeling suspicious. He was met at the door by his boss’ secretary, wearing an outfit that barely covered what couldn’t be shown in public. “Paulie,” she literally smirked at him. “So glad you could make it.”
He tried to avert his eyes and sneak by, but she latched onto his arm and pulled him along, stiletto heels clicking on the hard floor. The club was a mass of bodies, the young people of Water 7 out for a…wait, it wasn’t even a weekend and they were partying? He snorted. Kids these days. “Kalifa, put on some clothes,” he muttered.
“What? Haven’t you been to a club before?” she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “You need to lighten up, Paulie,” she pulled him past the bar and into a glassed-in private room in the back.
“Nmaa, Happy Birthday, Paulie,” Iceburg was hardly dressed up, Paulie noted; he was only wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt and some type of sweater-vest, and Paulie wondered absently if it was entirely appropriate for the mayor to be seen at some seedy club (and he continually forgot that Iceburg had rather un-city-official-like tattoos, but it wasn’t hard to tell now), but the blue-haired man seemed remarkably unconcerned as Kalifa sauntered over and sat down next to him, leaning on his shoulder. Paulie wondered if that was appropriate as well, and also how much everyone else had had to drink, because even for his co-workers this was odd.
“PAULIE!”
He turned to wave to Tilestone and Lulu, both of whom had actually put on shirts for once, but he was relieved to note that they hadn’t put any effort into their respective appearances (Lulu’s cowlick was as untamed as ever). He tried to sidle over to their table and slid in, not caring that Tilestone was obviously plastered. Lulu had always been more rational when it came to things like drinking, but even he had a suspicious rosy glow under his sunglasses.
“WE WERE WONDERING WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO SHOW!”
“Yeah, well, I’m here,” his eye was drawn to look through the glass, and he immediately looked away. There was altogether too much female skin on the dance floor, and some of those girls barely looked old enough to know what alcohol was.
“You don’t sound happy,” Lulu pointed out.
“You know me,” Paulie shrugged, lighting a cigar and sticking it between his teeth. “I’d much rather be in a quiet bar by myself.”
“DO YOU NOT LIKE HANGING OUT WITH US?!”
“It’s not that,” Paulie assured him, before he started yelling loud enough for the whole city to hear. “I talk to Blueno all the time. Right?” he half-turned, looking at the large man sitting at the table with Iceburg and Kalifa and seemingly disinterested.
“Right,” he mumbled.
“Where are the boys?” Kalifa finally asked, her fingers running down Iceburg’s sleeve and tracing his patterned tattoo as he took a rather casual sip of his beer.
“Nmaa, they’re always late when we come here,” Iceburg reminded her.
Always? Paulie blinked. That means they came there often? Without inviting him? Not that he wanted to be invited; of course not; this was all a little awkward and…he didn’t really know when the beer showed up in front of him but he took a long swallow. Maybe he could make an excuse and just…
“Evening, lady and gents!”
Paulie turned without meaning to, examining the two men entering the room. And a part of him couldn’t help thinking (not because he was gay, no, of course not, but it was hard not to notice…) that they cleaned up…good.
Better than good, actually, and was Kaku wearing eyeliner?
“Paulie!” the young man waved happily and came over, not even missing a beat when Tilestone decided to throw his arms out during some sort of drunken tale, and he somehow managed to contort himself to slide under the large man’s arm and into Paulie’s lap at the same time.
And Paulie decided that he hadn’t drank nearly enough for this to be happening. Or maybe he had drank too much and was hallucinating, because he was quite sure that the Kaku he knew was rather modest and not provocative at all. But gone was the loose-fitting baggy clothing and cap, and what he was wearing was altogether too slimming and those jeans didn’t hide anything and Paulie was not looking there.
“Aw, he’s so embarrassed,” Kalifa giggled, and Kaku shot her a grin. “I think you should get off, Kaku. I think you’ve broken him.”
“Hnn,” Kaku shrugged, sliding himself off and letting his long fingers tickle under Paulie’s chin. Paulie certainly felt a little broken, and maybe (although he’d never admit it) a little aroused.
Not that he’d ever had a relationship of any sort. Women, quite frankly, made him nervous, and being in the profession that he was, and working with the men that he did, he wasn’t about to try and figure out if he was really into other men. He would be the laughingstock of Dock 1…or, at least, he thought he would be, but he had no idea that his co-workers (one of them, anyway) were into wearing makeup after-hours.
“Paulie, come on,” Kalifa was tugging at him again, and he stumbled after her, mind still reeling from everything that had assaulted him, and now that they were back in the pounding music and flashing lights of the club, he had a feeling sanity wouldn’t be returning anytime soon.
And Kalifa was not supposed to be rubbing against him in that way, he was sure of it, and he really couldn’t dance, but he looked around the floor and saw that most other people couldn’t really dance, either. But that hardly made him feel better, and he made up an excuse to run to the washroom as Kalifa started to laugh.
Blushing furiously and pushing away from her, he somehow made his way into the bathroom and collapsed onto a bench in the rather lavish waiting area, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands and wondering again why he had agreed to show up. This wasn’t his idea of a birthday party, that was for sure.
And…he shuddered at the noises coming from a nearby bathroom stall. He wasn’t quite sure what was going on in there, but he was quite sure that he was safer out on the dance floor.
Prepared to get up and brave Kalifa and her inappropriate behaviour, he got to his feet just as the stall door opened and now he was quite sure he was losing his mind.
Because there was no way that what he was seeing could possibly have occurred in the real world. He was not watching two of his friends almost have sex in the bathroom. He was not watching two of his…
“Broo-hoo!” a loud squawk interrupted his mantra of denial, and as the white bird (covered in glitter, apparently) landed on his shoulder, the two men he was watching broke their rather heated kiss to turn identical gazes on him. “I never pegged you for such a voyeur, Paulie!” the pigeon sounded like he was laughing, smug freak, and if the look on Lucci’s face was any indication, he was.
“Want to join us?” Kaku’s voice was much lower than Paulie had ever heard it, and he managed, despite the nose, to look almost seductive; long eyelashes lowered over partly-closed eyes and Lucci’s hand on his back under his shirt, keeping the two of them in contact at almost every possible point.
Lucci’s own shirt was half-unbuttoned and his hair was loose, framing his face as a sound that could almost have been a growl rumbled from his chest. It was the closest thing to a human noise Paulie had ever heard him make, and after hearing it he decided he’d much rather hear the bird talk.
“Ah…I was just…” he stuck another cigar in his mouth almost out of habit and walked backwards until he was through the door, running smack into Iceburg who was evidently coming to look for him.
“Nmaa, Paulie, how are you enjoying tonight?” the mayor called over the loud music.
“I…”
“Here. You look like you could use one,” Iceburg handed him a fresh pitcher of beer, and he nodded gratefully.
He decided right then and there that getting trashed was the best birthday gift he could give himself.
000
After Tilestone and Lulu were given the task of dragging a completely wasted Paulie home (they could hear his off-key singing for blocks), the others met outside the club.
“Nmaa, you all know we’ll have to make it up to him,” Iceburg crossed his arms, although he was smiling. “But I have to say, I’m impressed. You all played your parts very well.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” Kalifa had dug a small mirror out of her purse and was combing her fingers through the snarls in her long hair. She snapped it shut and smiled. “But I suppose you’re right. We want to keep him around, after all. I think, mayor, that he may want to take a sick day tomorrow.”
“I daresay he’s entitled to it,” Blueno grunted, and although his face was as impassive as ever, he was evidently amused.
“Well, my friends, I think it’s time we headed home. I’m bushed, and I believe that some of us will not be able to get out of work tomorrow,” Kaku stretched his arms above his head and yawned.
“Kaku, dear, your eyeliner’s smudging,” Kalifa reached over to clean it and he smiled at her.
“Thanks, love.”
“Well, let’s get you home,” Hattori piped up as Lucci slid a possessive arm around Kaku’s waist and the younger man leant against him. “See you all in the morning!”
“Sleep well!” Iceburg called after them. “Blueno, I take it we can come to your place this weekend? I think it’s more to Paulie’s taste.”
“Of course,” Blueno nodded.
“Well, if anything came out of this night, I think we all know one thing for certain,” Kalifa smiled. “This is one birthday he’s never going to forget.”
000
Incidentally, Paulie did miss work the next day, but when he returned and they took him out to Blueno’s, everyone acting like the night at the club had never happened, he began to wonder if all that had happened the night of his birthday was just some strange dream.
And, as far as he was concerned, being a dream was about the only way to explain all that he had seen at the club.
Oh, well.
Next year’s birthday was sure to be better.
…At least, he hoped it was.