FTW... that cage you know... that cage?
So I'm really tired of being alone while sitting in a crowded room and having to change who I am to get along with people. Do you ever feel like the world around you is on a completely different level and not even your closest "friends" have any idea what the hell you're talking about?
I had one of those days where I woke up and the first thing that came out of my mouth, there in the dark, half messed up, drabby old bedroom was simply this:
"Why the hell am I stuck on this miserable little planet? Take me home! I want to go somewhere else!"
Of course then you have a mother like mine that wakes up, gets coffee, witnesses her daughter banging her head on the kitchen table because she can't get past the next chapter of her book and immediately goes, "Aw honey are you having one of those days?"
And the whole entire time I just wanted to scream, "EVERY DAY IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS MOM!" I'm freaking older than dirt sitting at home on my laptop with a screwed up spine trying to pound out a life changing series that I still don't have an agent or publisher for and getting fifty messages from people in other countries wanting to have cyber sex on the web camera.
I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR A LANGUAGE LEARNING SIGHT TO GET NAKED FOR
YOU ON CAMERA!!!
*puff puff*
So I made her a cup of coffee and she went back to sleep and I'm still sitting here waiting for my invisible Muse to get her ass back from the moon so I can get the fourth novel finished and proceed to move onto the fifth. All the while I'm trying to figure out why I ever bother trying to socialize.
I have a few close friends, but even when I read them things like some of my poems or some of my story the silence follows. I swear by the STARS you can hear crickets when I get done reading and feel that really intense O.O;; stare and when they actually say something the least you get out of them is, "Wow that's deep". Is it because it sucks or it's so deep they have no idea what to say except whoa I can't go that deep? You are simply to deep for me to try to dive into because I would drown in your mind.
O.K give me a fucking break? If You can't understand me, but I can understand you then WHY am I even still having this conversation. Am I that freaking messed up that my best friends don't even get me? I know I'm weird, who isn't weird in this cage. You know that cage? That GIANT FREAKING BALL called Earth that's more of a prison for people that have a brainev.
I can't just go out and make more friends either. Most people are like well use the internet to talk to people. *crickets chirping* That IS NOT THE POINT! The point I'm trying to make is I have problems talking to people. You tell your doctor and she mysteriously gets ill. Then you have to see a nurse who says, "Hey guess what you have issues we can't handle here. You need to a psyciatrist I think it will help you."
I DON'T NEED a doctor telling me to take medication because I have problems talking to people. I NEED someone who can understand me. I need FRIENDS that I can talk to without feeling like a side show attraction that people keep around for entertainment.
So today I am going to sit here. I am going to contemplate what I could possibly have in common with anyone in internet land and post my word of the day, that 90 percent of the city I live in doesn't know what it is.
For the win... the word of the day is cuttlery and NO it isn't power tools. It's not even close to farming equipment. and with that being done. I'm off to listen to Xu Quianya "South of the Clouds" and cry because it's like three years over do and I miss Michelle.