Begin depressing rant....now!
I've been really absentee lately. Or I suppose I should say that I've been absentee as usual. :P I'm just venting here...feel free to skip.
Mainly I've just been reveling in the glorious monotony of playing with Isabel day in and day out. I lose track of what day it is, I rarely put on a bra and I like it just fine. I have about 2 1/2 weeks left on my maternity leave, and it just isn't enough time. I so wish there was a way to stay home with her, and I know going back to work will be difficult - partly because I really just don't like my job very much! Honestly though, I really like taking care of the kiddo. I never really thought of myself as the maternal sort, but I'm discovering this whole motherly side that I'm really enjoying. It really doesn't hurt that she's like the cutest thing I've ever seen, either!
I'm lonely, though. I somehow got used to not having friends close by, but now that I'm home all day, the absence of company is more palpable. It doesn't help that I just lost my best friend. Just a few months ago she was living with me, and our friendship was as strong as it ever was. When she moved out and a few hours away, she made new friends. Now she's part of a violent anarchist GLBT group. I seriously wish I were making that up. The website for the group would be funny if it wasn't real...it's very reminiscent of the People's Front of Judea from Life of Brian. Heh. Anyhow, She dumped her wife who mere months ago was the love of her life, and won't return any of our emails. She also owes my husband a thousand dollars, since we bought her a car to help her get on her feet. I assumed she was good for it, what with our 16 year long friendship and all. My own best friend is dodging me over money. It's been four months since she was supposed start making payments, and she keeps putting us off. My husband is going to have to take my best friend to court, I think. He's furious. As for me, I'm not nearly as bothered about the money as I am about the fact that someone I considered to be as close as family hasn't even bothered to visit me and Isabel. Or call. Or ANYTHING. I spent the first few weeks after she was born wondering when Mandy was going to come visit. I don't wonder anymore. She's just not. I think I would be heartbroken if I weren't so mad.
With all the drama, I was glad when my step sister came to Michigan for a visit - we went to the zoo on tuesday, which was very fun. I also got to meet her son, who's a year older than Isabel, for the first time...what a cutie! She was supposed to come visit me later in the week, but didn't...which honestly didn't make me any less lonely. Even my f'ing sister can't be bothered to drive down to the boonies and hang out. Gah. I remember when I was younger I had numerous people I could call. We'd go get coffee, go to the mall, or just sit around. I haven't had anyone like that in my life for years. I would say that somewhere along the line I just forgot how to make friends, but I know that's not true. If I lived closer to the university I graduated from, I'd have plenty of friends...I mean, those people *are* my friends, but they live so far away - indeed, ALL of my friends live so far away that I have no one to just spend time with on a random tuesday. That makes me sad.
Ok, I'm done now. I think I needed to get that all off my chest.
Mainly I've just been reveling in the glorious monotony of playing with Isabel day in and day out. I lose track of what day it is, I rarely put on a bra and I like it just fine. I have about 2 1/2 weeks left on my maternity leave, and it just isn't enough time. I so wish there was a way to stay home with her, and I know going back to work will be difficult - partly because I really just don't like my job very much! Honestly though, I really like taking care of the kiddo. I never really thought of myself as the maternal sort, but I'm discovering this whole motherly side that I'm really enjoying. It really doesn't hurt that she's like the cutest thing I've ever seen, either!
I'm lonely, though. I somehow got used to not having friends close by, but now that I'm home all day, the absence of company is more palpable. It doesn't help that I just lost my best friend. Just a few months ago she was living with me, and our friendship was as strong as it ever was. When she moved out and a few hours away, she made new friends. Now she's part of a violent anarchist GLBT group. I seriously wish I were making that up. The website for the group would be funny if it wasn't real...it's very reminiscent of the People's Front of Judea from Life of Brian. Heh. Anyhow, She dumped her wife who mere months ago was the love of her life, and won't return any of our emails. She also owes my husband a thousand dollars, since we bought her a car to help her get on her feet. I assumed she was good for it, what with our 16 year long friendship and all. My own best friend is dodging me over money. It's been four months since she was supposed start making payments, and she keeps putting us off. My husband is going to have to take my best friend to court, I think. He's furious. As for me, I'm not nearly as bothered about the money as I am about the fact that someone I considered to be as close as family hasn't even bothered to visit me and Isabel. Or call. Or ANYTHING. I spent the first few weeks after she was born wondering when Mandy was going to come visit. I don't wonder anymore. She's just not. I think I would be heartbroken if I weren't so mad.
With all the drama, I was glad when my step sister came to Michigan for a visit - we went to the zoo on tuesday, which was very fun. I also got to meet her son, who's a year older than Isabel, for the first time...what a cutie! She was supposed to come visit me later in the week, but didn't...which honestly didn't make me any less lonely. Even my f'ing sister can't be bothered to drive down to the boonies and hang out. Gah. I remember when I was younger I had numerous people I could call. We'd go get coffee, go to the mall, or just sit around. I haven't had anyone like that in my life for years. I would say that somewhere along the line I just forgot how to make friends, but I know that's not true. If I lived closer to the university I graduated from, I'd have plenty of friends...I mean, those people *are* my friends, but they live so far away - indeed, ALL of my friends live so far away that I have no one to just spend time with on a random tuesday. That makes me sad.
Ok, I'm done now. I think I needed to get that all off my chest.