(no subject)
have you ever noticed that tears shed in happiness or sadness are cool, soothing almost. . . .but tears shed in anger are hot, burning their way down your cheeks. i hate crying, but i have been all day and it sucks. i've recently learned that my biological father is in a rehab clinic because he has had some back problems that (through his drinking) escalated and if he were to check out of this facility, which is is plan, he might not have very much longer to live. i'm not exactly sure how i feel about this, and i think that's what bothers me the most. this is the man who left me when i was young, or more acurately, didn't care as much for my sister or me as he did for alcohol. i feel like i should be sad for him, but i'm not--i'm more angry because of the mental scars i've had to carry (and will probably continue to carry) all my life. i've never felt like i'm good enough--just generally not good enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not generous enough, not nice enough, like there's something wrong with me. it doesn't matter who says otherwise, i will still always feel like that. every girl's first hero is her father, and mine broke my heart. and when i think about that i get pissed off. but yeah, so i may have to be making a trip down to florida in the next few weeks to see him, which i also have mixed feelings about. prayers would be much appreciated.