In which andi gets a bit off her chest. . .

Nov 20, 2005 19:50

my chem teacher is driving me insane. . . the concepts he's teaching us shouldn't be hard, especially since i took chem in high school, so it's basically an expanding of vague topics addressed in that class. However, for a period of 4 (yes four!)days, he has given us 204 questions to complete online; any of those that aren't working (meaning no matter what answer you choose, it considers it incorrect) we have to do them in our composition notebook that he will be collecting tomorrow in lab (so i don't have the correct answers to check with and therefore don't know if i'm doing them right), on top of the 3 outlines that we have to do for this stupid presentation--which we were technically supposed to have started 3 months ago (according to him) when we've only actually been in school for 2 and a half and those 2.5 months have been incredibly interrupted by the amount of homework he's given us. . . my problem is this--none of my friends in different chem classes have this much work, so why do I? and of course it doesn't help that i can understand neither what he's saying, nor the manner in which he explains things (which he evidently doesn't know how to explain any other way because when i do ask him, he simply explains it the same way over and over again expecting me to suddenly get it). at this point--i'm coasting on my prior knowledge and slight ability to pull what knowledge i can from the Greek that is my textbook (mostly from analyzing the equations highlighted in the text--i never thought i'd be saying this, but thank you math class). i swear, he's out to ruin my GPA) so that i don't get my $3000/year Dean's Scholarship anymore). . . as well as my sanity. i don't know if my immense brain-melting has to do with my graves disease or not because i have nothing to compare it to, as i've never really known about having this until late july/early august. i'm praying for the days to go quickly. as anxious as i am about this nuclear scan, i really want to get it done so that i can be put on medication (i know, i'm crazy, i +want+ to be on medication?) and see if that helps. the reason i'm led to believe it's just this teacher/class is that (apart from having to spend so much time on chem that i'm not able to fully apply myself in the other classes) i'm doing fine in all my other classes. biology i could be doing better in, but that's only because i'm stupid and have stayed up too late the nights before 2 tests now and realize that that's probably not a good idea.

and i have to worry about possibly getting a new roommate next semester. . . while brandi was annoying at times, everyone is and i'm pretty sure that had she not decided to move in w/ star, we would have been alright for the rest of the year. we'd finally fallen into a comfort zone of how to approach/talk to/get along with each other. and kelly's not coming back next semester, or probably ever :.( i just hope that my AIM quits acting up and i can talk to her online. the next time i do talk to her i should give her my AIM at home so i can at least talk to her when i'm there.

so as if all of this isn't enough, i also have my love--life (or lack thereof) to consider. . . this may seem stupid to most, who would simply say, "don't worry about it, concentrate on your studies." but they obviously don't know me. in seeing my relationships w/ others as more important than any other aspect of my life, i am forced to care whether or not josh or petrie feels the same way about me as i do about them, and if drew is going to get over me or not. i wouldn't mind dating drew, but his timing is horrible, in that, if he and i had started something before i came up here or he'd waited to talk to me about it til after i got home for the summer (and i wasn't with n/e one else) then i'd have no problem. but as i've made the decision not to start anything w/ anyone back home while i'm up here, it makes it quite inconvenient (especially since i love his parents and they love me--which is always sought after). that and i'm not sure he's entirely (or ever will be for that matter) over geni. now you might ask me "if you're not starting anything with anyone back home, why mention petrie?" well, if you know me you know that he and i have history and while it might not all be good, i've found that as long as i keep prompting him to remind me that he still exists, we're fine. we can have hour-long conversations about everything and everybody--nothing and nobody, and i know that a long distance thing would probably work with him. (and he wrote me a song, which is always a plus) and it's not that i don't trust drew if we did have a long distance relationship, it's that i don't want to have to start out that way. and since spending a lot of time w/ joshy, well. . . that's kind of hard to explain, but the best way to put it is that my stomach drops when he looks at me the right way, which is more than i can say for any guy i've ever dated or even had feelings for before now. even though he and i "argue" a lot, i can still spend hours with him and not get tired of him (a little bit like janelle, but not nearly that caliber--i.e. in no way does he--or anyone--replace/match her). i've talked to his mom on the phone, and she definitely seems like the kind of woman i can get along with, especially since she has raised/is raising 3 boys (joshy's a middle child too). i'm just so incredibly confused about all this and what i should do. and while others might say, "just go with your gut/intuition" --my gut is pulling me in three completely different directions. i don't know, if i could possibly get josh to come home with me for a weekend, then janelle could meet him and give me a good and unbiased opinion, which would make things a bit easier.

on a happier note, since coming here i have lost 10 pounds. . . the downside to that is that now i need new pants. and rex has this crazy idea that he's going to get me to wear skirts (ha ha). but jay said the same thing (that i should) and complained about it. . . so i told him that he gets one day (more than likely a saturday) where he gets to give me a makeover of sorts--essentially, he gets to pick out an outfit for me to wear and take me wherever he wants and take all the pictures he can get. . . cuz it's never happening again. it should be interesting to say the least. but now seeing as how throughout the course of writing this entry i have stopped twice (once to eat pizza w/ luke and andrew, and once to finish watching charlie and the chocolate factory w/ joshy and andrew), and i'm pretty sure it's the longest entry i've ever posted, and you're probably tired of reading. . . i think i'll sign off.

~later days
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