...If You're Not the One...
Title: If You’re Not the One (One-shot songfic)
Pairing: TaNakamaru
Genre: Romance, slight Angst
Rating: PG (very safe)
Disclaimer: I only own Yukari… T___T
Summary: Uuuhhhh… Just refer to the lyrics of this song… *gets bricked*
Author’s Notes: I wanted to make Koki cry this time… coz it’s always Yucchi who’s crying in most TaNakamaru fics… Have you noticed?
Koki downed his fourth beer on his second night at the Sukuji Beach in Okinawa. Three weeks ago, he found out that his father had arranged a wedding for him with a woman he has never met before. After their business suffered from a lot of losses, his father decided to make him marry his business partner's daughter to save their business from bankruptcy. And since his wedding will take place next month, he decided to take a trip away from his hometown and have time for himself on the remaining days of his freedom.
He stared at the people partying and dancing by the bonfire. A tall slender man was making the most noise, bumping and grinding with both men and women as he held his drink up. Koki sighed, after learning about his arranged marriage, he never had that same carefree, happy attitude again.
He stood up after his fifth drink and started to take a walk on the quieter side of the beach. The crescent moon was bright and the sea reflected it perfectly. He sighed and sat on the fine sand, the waves touching the end of his feet. He laid down and closed his eyes as he listened to the sound of the sea. It was already past midnight when Koki sat up, realizing that he had fallen asleep on the seaside, he scrambled up to return to his cottage.
He was surprised when he found the tall slender man from a while ago, leaning on the porch of his cottage like he was about to pass out.
“Excuse me, are you okay?” Koki tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention but it only caused the taller man to lean away from the porch and fall down the ground. Koki was quick though, catching the semi-conscious drunk in his arms. “Hey... can you hear me?” He shook the taller man who was now making an effort to move and stand. Koki helped him up, giving an extra effort to support the struggling man.
The drunk man doesn't go too far as he could only muster enough strength to hang limply on Koki's shoulder, one hand quickly flying to cover his mouth and with the blink of an eye, he suddenly threw up.
“Shit.” Koki cursed as his shirt and board pants were now covered with puke. He rolled his eyes before carrying the wasted man in his cottage dejectedly.
~**~
Koki stared as the man from last night slowly moved in his bed. He sat up with a weary look and distraught face. He massaged his head with one feminine hand (as how Koki thought of those long lovely fingers and soft palms should be called). He lazily opened his eyes and gaped in panic as he realized where he was, seeing a total stranger standing a few feet away and seemed to be watching him for some time now even before he woke up.
“Ohayou...” Koki greeted with uncertainty.
The taller man just stared at him before looking around to scan the entire place and then looked at himself in horror. “Oh my God. Did I sleep with you last night?!” He almost shrieked.
“Oh... no...no...no!!!” Koki shook his head violently. Even though he found the other man cute with his face flustered and all pouty last night, he wasn't the type to take advantage of anyone.
“But these are not my clothes...” He whined, hugging his knees to his chest and pulling the large shirt to cover his knees.
“Well you threw up last night... on me.” Koki emphasized. “I don't know how you got lost in front of my cottage last night but you were so wasted and couldn't even say where you're supposed to be staying so I just took you in.”
The other bit his lip, “Are you sure?”
Koki chuckled, the other man seemed nice compared to what he thought of him last night. “You can trust me.” he reassured him with a smile.
“Okay.” He then scrambled to get out of bed, “I'm really sorry for being such a bother to you. And thanks a lot for taking care of me last night...” He babbled not even looking at the other as he tried to find his clothes.
“If you're looking for your clothes, I just washed them so you might have to wait until later when they're fully dried.” Koki commented noticing what the one was actually doing.
The other man quickly stood up to look at him. “Mou~ That's too much already.” He fidgeted again and again.
“No problem. Why don't you calm down first? Breakfast is waiting.” He nudged his head to the small table where two cups of coffee and some pancakes were waiting.
The smile on Koki's face made the other agree.
~**~
“So I'm staying here for some weeks now. They don't care about me anyway.” Yuichi, as he had introduced himself, talked animatedly as to why he's spending a lot of drunken nights in this beach in Okinawa. “And you? What brought you here?” He added after gulping another bite of his toast.
Koki settled his cup down and looked at Yuichi, “Unlike you, who had been trying to escape from your family, I came here to spend my last days as a free man. My dad arranged a marriage for me and his business partner's daughter whom I never really met in my entire life.”
“Aawwwh...” Yuichi frowned, patting Koki on the shoulder.
“Anyway...” Koki decided to change the topic, that was the last thing he wanted to think about for the remaining weeks he had left. “No offence but, a while ago... you asked me if we slept together. Yuichi-kun, are you gay?”
Yuichi blushed crimson red at the sudden inquiry and caught him off-guard. He pierced his look at his own coffee before giving a curt nod.
“Oh, you don't have to be embarrassed!” Koki quickly broke the awkward moment. “I'm gay.”
Yuichi's mouth fell open, head slowly turning to face the other. “Maji de?”
“Yeah... so no need to be awkward okay?”
Yuichi nodded despite his furrowed eyebrows. “How can you say it all so simply to a stranger? To think that the concept itself is a taboo.”
“I don't really mind how other people would think of me. My only concern is my family. I don't want to disappoint them. They are the only ones I've got and I promised to do everything for the sake of them.”
“Even if your happiness is at stake? Koki-kun, that's marriage. Do you know what you're getting yourself into? It would be very difficult in the long run.”
Koki just shrugged. “I'll try my best to get by.”
“Anyhow, I think you're really a good person so I'll just wish you luck. Who knows? There might be some twist of fate that might come your way.” Yuichi smiled at him encouragingly.
“I'd like to believe that.”
~**~
If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
It's the 2nd week of Koki's stay in Okinawa. For those 12 days he had kept Yuichi as his company and most nights were just spent hopping at different restaurants to enjoy local cuisine rather that partying. This night was special, there was a festival downtown and Yuichi had insisted that they should go and check it out.
“Kou-chaaaaan~” Yuichi called out as he knocked on Koki's door.
The door swung open and the happy smile on Yuichi's face faded when he saw Koki by the door. “Hey! I told you to wear a yukata!!!” He pouted and crossed his arms.
Koki chuckled, Yuichi looked cute in his blue yukata, holding a fan on one hand. “I don't have a yukata.” he answered simply.
“Mou... no fair.”
Koki scratched his head. For some reason, he can't get himself to get pissed with Yuichi's constant childishness and bitch fits. The taller man was anything but adorable no matter what he does. “Okay, I'll treat you with whatever food you want tonight to make up for it.”
“Hountou?” Yuichi leaned in, his nose almost touching Koki's.
The shorter man failed to notice the blush that crept up his cheeks. “Yeah.” he mumbled as he proceeded to lock his door.
“Aha! Yatta!!! Let's go then.” Yuichi had grabbed his hand the moment Koki had secured his room. Koki squeezed his hand back.
As they walked deeper into the stalls and booths downtown, their fingers managed to entwine into each other and their hands were then clasped fully. Koki looked at Yuichi who was busy peering at stuffs at every stall. Does Yuichi feel the same contentment I feel in my heart?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?
“Hey, this suits well with your yukata.” Koki grinned putting a blue floral hairclip on Yuichi's fringe.
“Tssss...” Yuichi hissed, quickly pulling the clip off his hair.
“What? It's cute!!! This time Koki let out a laugh that earned him a whack from the taller man.
“Koki, I'm hungry. You said you'll buy me food tonight.”
Soon after Yuichi's request, they settled to eat barbecue and some other grilled meat. When they were stuffed, Yuichi pulled him next to a kiosk where they played a game of catching some smelts.
“Kuso...” Koki gritted his teeth, it was his 4th net already and he still can't catch a single tiny fish. Yuichi kept giggling beside him, clearly enjoying the look of annoyance in his face.
“Let me.” Yuichi took the net from him and scooped a fish in a very swift motion. “Concentration and patience.” Yuichi smiled at him. In the end, Yuichi won himself an ethnic bracelet after catching 5 smelts.
Koki would always keep those things in mind from now on. He was surprised when Yuichi took his hand and started to put the bracelet on him.
“I'm not really into accessories like you...” He mumbled and walked ahead of Koki after he had tied the bracelet on him.
The shorter man touched the bracelet and looked at Yuichi's retreating back. The thought of Yuichi disappearing from his sight clenched his heart. Could it be?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
“Let's go for a walk at the beach.” Koki told Yuichi on the phone that night. He was in the middle of his 3rd week of vacation. Everyday was always spent with Yuichi; it doesn't matter if they were not doing anything fun at all. He was happy just being beside him. He was sad that he can't stay with him like this for long.
“It's rather cold tonight Koki. We might catch a cold.”
“I'll bring us jackets... Onegai?”
“...Okay.”
~**~
The full moon shone brightly above them, the waves gushing on their feet everytime. They sat side by side, close enough for Koki's liking. He could easily wrap his arm around him but something inside held him back. Would he dive in to something so complicated and so unsure?
He looked at Yuichi whose eyes were closed while inhaling the scent of sea breeze.
“Beautiful...” Koki commented.
Yuichi opened his eyes and looked at the far horizon; the deep blue ocean reflected the bright moon. “Beautiful indeed.” he agreed, it was a rare sight for him too.
“I meant you.” Koki admitted causing Yuichi to slowly turn his head at him. “You're beautiful.” he continued. “You are beautiful and amazing and you make me feel special and needed and even if you think this is happening all too quickly, then I'm sorry for being so abrupt but I just wanted to let you know that I love you.”
Koki didn't wait for any reply as he tilted Yuichi's head and claimed the latter's soft lips. The absence of resistance from the other made Koki more confident and so he deepened the kiss. It was a soulful kiss and Yuichi's lips tasted sweet if he were to be asked. The feeling was all too invasive and if wasn't for the need of air, he wouldn't break that kiss.
Yuichi just stared at him with dancing eyes. The taller man seemed so hesitant and Koki could understand why.
“Is this okay?” Yuichi's voice sounded like he was pleading.
Koki didn't answer. He didn't know either; all he knew was that he loves Yuichi and no one else. He moved to hug the taller man... so tight he thought he might crush him. Yuichi just sighed and relaxed at the tight embrace.
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
26th night... It was the last day of his month-long vacation. Koki inhaled the scent of his lover's hair as he spooned him in bed. Yuichi leaned on his chest and cried silently. He had been counting down the days until Koki would have to return to his hometown and get married. Koki knew well enough but couldn't do anything. In his mind, he had cursed fate a lot of times for being so cruel to them.
“I love you Yuu-chan. You and you alone. Until the day I die... Always remember that.” He tightened his embrace and Yuichi turned to face him only nodding as he nuzzled under the crook of Koki's neck letting his tears gush down as he hugged him back.
~**~
“Leave now before I change my mind and never let you go.” Yuichi told him, nudging him to step inside the taxi heading for the airport.
Koki just stood there, glued on his spot. Are we really letting go?
Yuichi then took the initiative, he walked up to him, caressed Koki's deep cheeks one last time and kissed him goodbye. “I will never forget you Koki. And even though I love you so much... I guess this is goodbye.” He turned around and walked away before Koki could even see the tears sliding down his cheeks.
If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
~**~
He tossed and turned in his bed. Every single night was nothing but torture, not only was he counting down the days before he ties the knot with someone; he was also missing every single moment, every single touch he and Yuichi had shared. He didn't care if he would look like crap on his wedding day, his life will be one total crap after that anyway. He closed his eyes wishing he wouldn't wake up.
~**~
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
He sat up in his bed feeling very much disoriented and tired from last night. He could smell his breakfast since the bedroom door was left open and that awakened his senses. The other knew him too well. He sauntered to the direction of the kitchen and found his Yuichi standing in front of the stove top frying eggs while their adopted daughter Yukari was busy making a mess on the table in attempt to put some butter on the toasted breads.
“Papa! Ohayou!!!” Yukari jumped from the chair and ran to him.
He smiled and lifted the little girl in his arms. “Morning, angel...” He kissed her in the forehead and walked towards Yuichi. “Morning, honey.” He leaned in to kiss his cheek and the other man turned to him with a sweet smile.
Yuichi opened his mouth to greet Koki back but only a series of beeps came out. Even Yukari's giggles turned to sounds that seem to come from Koki's alarm.
Koki closed his eyes from a brief moment and when he opened them again, he was in his room. Alone and miserable. Again. He sighed and buried his head underneath a pillow. He wished he could have stayed in his dream.
~**~
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
Koki laid in his new bed in his new room in their new house. They moved from Chiba to Tokyo since it was more convenient in order for them to take care of business. Koki's wife was quiet and discreet they hadn't had any disagreements so far but they hadn't got any closer as well.
It was mutual on both sides... that they were together for the sake of formality and make believe. They were only husband and wife when in front of their family and in front of other people but when it's just the two of them, they were hardly friends. At home they have separate rooms and separate lives.
He stood up, unable to sleep again. He stood by the window and looked outside. The moon was full and bright, like that night when he kissed Yuichi by the beach. He wondered how Yuichi was doing now.
Yuu-chan, are you also staring at the nightsky? Can you see the same moon and stars? They're beautiful... just like you. Do you still think of me sometimes? I think of you all the time. Have you moved on? I think I'm trapped with your love. Have you found someone new? I told you that you're my only one. You're very lucky, do you know that? You're the last person to see my true smile. I still love you. I'll always will.
Koki sighed and finally accepted what he realized. He looked at the ethnic bracelet tied securedly around his wrist and kissed it gently.
I hope that you're happy... Even without me.
__OWARI__
A/N: As always, comments are much loved. Hahaha… I managed to make a couple of fics while at the office. Isn’t that great? Yeah? LOL.