Exams are stressing me out
I was never really the type to study. I do regret it now. During my advanced science exam I held my watch and literally wished I would go back to the start of the year. I kept on repeating the same thing on my head. "go back go back....". About 2 minutes later I realized it wasn't possible. I don't have supernatural powers and the time traveling machine hasn't been invented as of yet, unfortunately.
My results?
I probably failed that. The pass here is at least 60% and they've gotten me crazy with their advanced this and advanced that. I don't like the teachers too much, and the environment is completely new. I don't want to blame anything but myself for what has happened though. It;s my own fault and the excuse that i am not used to it won't cut it. I should've studied harder.
The thing is...all along I thought today I was going to write my regular science exam. I only recently (yesterday at the beginning of the french exam) found out that the science advanced, or as to they refer it, bridging exam was today and that the regular science exam was next week, on Tuesday.
Don't get me wrong here,(like my dad), I wasn't a quiet gal about the exam dates. I looked at my schedule and it indicated the dates, but both of them said science. As I looked at my agenda to see the codes, I presume I mixed the codes of the classes wrong. I swear, I want them to change their naming techniques. Just put bridging damn it. not science. geez.
My dad gave me a whole speech on how unable he was of understanding my decision. I didn't feel the need to back myself up, because truthfully I was to blame. But he doesn't have to get so freaking upset about it. ****. I'm the one who's more upset than you are. He kept on mentioning his disappointment, when I just clearly wanted to forget about it. I knew why I made that mistake. He told me to over think why I did what I did. I know why. But he wanted me to tell him, he wanted to "understand" me. F that. He just wanted to shake his head at me some more , I beat. That's what he always does. He always mentions that he hates stupid people. He's stupid himself, yes, I've told him that. Everyone is fucking stupid, including me. Everyone.
I just wanted to forget about it. I just want to stop being all sad and gloomy. The only time he stops is when I cry. Wait no that's not true at all. He doesn't stop just there. He asks why I'm crying, why I get so upset, why he's not able to understand me. The fucking answer is: You can't understand a person's feelings so easy, dad. You almost never can.
So, when I shouted and let out a tear. He kept on talking, saying that he only wants to understand. I know it sounds mean, but the way he says it and the things he will end up saying or shaking his head, they're all annoying and they stab me psychologically.
I love my dad, don't get me wrong. But Dads are not perfect. Everyone is not. This dad though, lacks in a lot of things. I hope the reason why I am stuck with this dad, whom I love very much (no lie), is to learn from his mistakes and let him know his errors. I am, after all the only girl in the family apart from mom.
Anyway, the reason why I haven't tried so hard, ever in school is that I hardly see a real point in the way people live these days. Everyone wants money and power and status. They want the big house, the nice car ( slowly killing our ozone layer), the nice hairdos, everything media makes them think they need. It's painful to live in this world. What keeps me going are the positive things, like a good laugh with my friends, my dog, my mom, my whole family. But when I remember the reason why we need to work and money for, I get all annoyed at the world. I'm not saying I get angry enough to want to kill myself. Clearly, I should be doing something for the people on earth instead of throwing away my life. The world will end some day. ( wow this escalated quickly.....very quickly o.o) SO instead of roaming like the other pepz in the world, I want to help others who suffer. I'm losing interest in school. Sometimes it's interesting, but when I want to learn the teachers make it so boring. It sucks. School sucks. Education isn't bad, but School sucks.
Tomorrow, I won't have an exam. Math and french(writing) are next on Thursday, and then math again on Friday. The main reason why i want to try hard this time is because I don't want any negativity in the house again. I don't want to be the fire starter. It's a pain.
Today was stressing. Tomorrow will be better.
My results?
I probably failed that. The pass here is at least 60% and they've gotten me crazy with their advanced this and advanced that. I don't like the teachers too much, and the environment is completely new. I don't want to blame anything but myself for what has happened though. It;s my own fault and the excuse that i am not used to it won't cut it. I should've studied harder.
The thing is...all along I thought today I was going to write my regular science exam. I only recently (yesterday at the beginning of the french exam) found out that the science advanced, or as to they refer it, bridging exam was today and that the regular science exam was next week, on Tuesday.
Don't get me wrong here,(like my dad), I wasn't a quiet gal about the exam dates. I looked at my schedule and it indicated the dates, but both of them said science. As I looked at my agenda to see the codes, I presume I mixed the codes of the classes wrong. I swear, I want them to change their naming techniques. Just put bridging damn it. not science. geez.
My dad gave me a whole speech on how unable he was of understanding my decision. I didn't feel the need to back myself up, because truthfully I was to blame. But he doesn't have to get so freaking upset about it. ****. I'm the one who's more upset than you are. He kept on mentioning his disappointment, when I just clearly wanted to forget about it. I knew why I made that mistake. He told me to over think why I did what I did. I know why. But he wanted me to tell him, he wanted to "understand" me. F that. He just wanted to shake his head at me some more , I beat. That's what he always does. He always mentions that he hates stupid people. He's stupid himself, yes, I've told him that. Everyone is fucking stupid, including me. Everyone.
I just wanted to forget about it. I just want to stop being all sad and gloomy. The only time he stops is when I cry. Wait no that's not true at all. He doesn't stop just there. He asks why I'm crying, why I get so upset, why he's not able to understand me. The fucking answer is: You can't understand a person's feelings so easy, dad. You almost never can.
So, when I shouted and let out a tear. He kept on talking, saying that he only wants to understand. I know it sounds mean, but the way he says it and the things he will end up saying or shaking his head, they're all annoying and they stab me psychologically.
I love my dad, don't get me wrong. But Dads are not perfect. Everyone is not. This dad though, lacks in a lot of things. I hope the reason why I am stuck with this dad, whom I love very much (no lie), is to learn from his mistakes and let him know his errors. I am, after all the only girl in the family apart from mom.
Anyway, the reason why I haven't tried so hard, ever in school is that I hardly see a real point in the way people live these days. Everyone wants money and power and status. They want the big house, the nice car ( slowly killing our ozone layer), the nice hairdos, everything media makes them think they need. It's painful to live in this world. What keeps me going are the positive things, like a good laugh with my friends, my dog, my mom, my whole family. But when I remember the reason why we need to work and money for, I get all annoyed at the world. I'm not saying I get angry enough to want to kill myself. Clearly, I should be doing something for the people on earth instead of throwing away my life. The world will end some day. ( wow this escalated quickly.....very quickly o.o) SO instead of roaming like the other pepz in the world, I want to help others who suffer. I'm losing interest in school. Sometimes it's interesting, but when I want to learn the teachers make it so boring. It sucks. School sucks. Education isn't bad, but School sucks.
Tomorrow, I won't have an exam. Math and french(writing) are next on Thursday, and then math again on Friday. The main reason why i want to try hard this time is because I don't want any negativity in the house again. I don't want to be the fire starter. It's a pain.
Today was stressing. Tomorrow will be better.