Yeah.. so for these two days
It's so hard to type this out. I just got back from the vet with the preggy dog. Non of the puppies made it. It was 3, we thought it would only be one. We heard the heartbeats of one two days ago. The vet told us it had died yesterday, on my birthday.
It just feels so hopeless. Everything. Step-dad keeps feeding my sister with "we're buying a new puppie soon, don't worry" But it's not the same fucking thing. We really tried.
I want to blame someone.
I want to resent the dog for tricking us into having healthy puppies.
I want to resent and hate my grandmother for feeding her wrong things, maybe even poisoning her.. because it's her dog and she'd be away from my grandma awhile if she got the puppies.
I feel so much anger and sadness right now.
All the work we did.
All in fucking vain.
3 small puppies, dead.
It's really hard to act all grown up and stable infront of everyone.
I'm alone in my room right now, crying my fucking eyes out.
I felt them kick and the heartbeats the day before my birthday.. I always drag misfortune over things and people. My fucking birthday.
I keep blaming myself because.. yes I do have a really bad fortune. I should just leave and never come back and not touch nor meet anyone. I feel like I'm being the fucking cause for everything that goes wrong in the world and if I were gone.. maybe then, maybe then everything would be okay.
About my birthday.
Thank you Jeff W for remembering me. Not even my own dad did .. again, no suprise really.
I'd like to thank my friends who decided to drop by for a minute and eat up all of my candy and food. Kekeke.
ugh
I don't feel so good right now. I think I need to lay down.
It just feels so hopeless. Everything. Step-dad keeps feeding my sister with "we're buying a new puppie soon, don't worry" But it's not the same fucking thing. We really tried.
I want to blame someone.
I want to resent the dog for tricking us into having healthy puppies.
I want to resent and hate my grandmother for feeding her wrong things, maybe even poisoning her.. because it's her dog and she'd be away from my grandma awhile if she got the puppies.
I feel so much anger and sadness right now.
All the work we did.
All in fucking vain.
3 small puppies, dead.
It's really hard to act all grown up and stable infront of everyone.
I'm alone in my room right now, crying my fucking eyes out.
I felt them kick and the heartbeats the day before my birthday.. I always drag misfortune over things and people. My fucking birthday.
I keep blaming myself because.. yes I do have a really bad fortune. I should just leave and never come back and not touch nor meet anyone. I feel like I'm being the fucking cause for everything that goes wrong in the world and if I were gone.. maybe then, maybe then everything would be okay.
About my birthday.
Thank you Jeff W for remembering me. Not even my own dad did .. again, no suprise really.
I'd like to thank my friends who decided to drop by for a minute and eat up all of my candy and food. Kekeke.
ugh
I don't feel so good right now. I think I need to lay down.