How Torchwood Day Five Should Have Panned Out
I've mentioned my dispair at how pants Torchwood Day Five was compared to the excellence of days one through four. Subsequent to Morph and Adrian's posts, here's how I thought it should have panned out.
Our heroes were facing an alien who claimed to have invisible ships, superior technology, rather nasty biological weaponry and a large number of fellow aliens supporting it. It had actually only demonstrated:
• A widespread but non-harmful parlour trick of getting all the children in the world to chant and point in unison, no more threat than a stage hypnotist.
• A small-scale lethal biological weapon whose effects quickly dispersed.
• An extremely primitive transmat (and here, as a Classic Who purist, I refuse to use the word "teleport") which looked highly vulnerable to interference.
• Dependence on a specific athmospheric environment which contained its movement to one room.
• Highly addictive dependent behaviour, from a drug supply controlled by humans (i.e. their children), with side-effects including spasms and nausea.
How I predicted Day 5 to conclude was:
• Somebody (possibly Captain Jack, after a dewy-eyed moment with his grandson) makes a heart-warming speech to the UN, US, UNIT, COBRA, whoever, and they decide that sacrificing 10% of the children would destroy society anyway, and commit to calling the alien's bluff at some point on Day 5. There is also a realisation that a drug addict will never kill his supplier so it must be a bluff.
• A faux-unofficial pirate TV / pirate radio / internet viral meme advises everyone to stay indoors on Day 5, ostensibly to safeguard the children (but actually this is a government scheme to contain potential virus spread). The BBC web department get to mock up some cool fake websites and the BBC World Service gets to make some cool fake pirate broadcast trails which are shown eminating from a various radios around the world including a tribe of nomads that they shot whilst on location in Dubai for the last Doctor Who special.
• The army turn up, ostensibly to collect the children (but actually to ensure everyone stays indoors; they don biohazzard suits at the appointed time).
• The bluff is called. Small outbreaks of virus deaths are briefly reported and stop within a couple of hours.
• A law enforcement representative of the alien's race turns up, arrests the alien and apologises for the inconvenience caused by the tiny minority of their race who have succumbed to drug addiction.
That is how an intelligent show like Classic Who or Quatermass would have done it.
Our heroes were facing an alien who claimed to have invisible ships, superior technology, rather nasty biological weaponry and a large number of fellow aliens supporting it. It had actually only demonstrated:
• A widespread but non-harmful parlour trick of getting all the children in the world to chant and point in unison, no more threat than a stage hypnotist.
• A small-scale lethal biological weapon whose effects quickly dispersed.
• An extremely primitive transmat (and here, as a Classic Who purist, I refuse to use the word "teleport") which looked highly vulnerable to interference.
• Dependence on a specific athmospheric environment which contained its movement to one room.
• Highly addictive dependent behaviour, from a drug supply controlled by humans (i.e. their children), with side-effects including spasms and nausea.
How I predicted Day 5 to conclude was:
• Somebody (possibly Captain Jack, after a dewy-eyed moment with his grandson) makes a heart-warming speech to the UN, US, UNIT, COBRA, whoever, and they decide that sacrificing 10% of the children would destroy society anyway, and commit to calling the alien's bluff at some point on Day 5. There is also a realisation that a drug addict will never kill his supplier so it must be a bluff.
• A faux-unofficial pirate TV / pirate radio / internet viral meme advises everyone to stay indoors on Day 5, ostensibly to safeguard the children (but actually this is a government scheme to contain potential virus spread). The BBC web department get to mock up some cool fake websites and the BBC World Service gets to make some cool fake pirate broadcast trails which are shown eminating from a various radios around the world including a tribe of nomads that they shot whilst on location in Dubai for the last Doctor Who special.
• The army turn up, ostensibly to collect the children (but actually to ensure everyone stays indoors; they don biohazzard suits at the appointed time).
• The bluff is called. Small outbreaks of virus deaths are briefly reported and stop within a couple of hours.
• A law enforcement representative of the alien's race turns up, arrests the alien and apologises for the inconvenience caused by the tiny minority of their race who have succumbed to drug addiction.
That is how an intelligent show like Classic Who or Quatermass would have done it.