My Heart.
It took me a very long time. But I came to a realization. When I gave my heart away to my first love, I never got it back. And through every long term relationship I was in, I was giving love but not whole heartedly. Because I didn't have my heart to give love from. Not truly, not completely. And maybe that was the doom for all of them, and maybe they just weren't meant for me and vice versa. But I didn't get my heart back, until I went to see his mom, and try to find him. Because you can't have wings without roots, you must know where you have been to know where you are going. So I went looking for closure and found my heart. Because I decided that even if I did have another chance with him, I finally didn't want it, because I was finally over him. After 10 long years of being without my heart, I finally found it. You see, I gave it to him, but he didn't want it. Or maybe he just didn't know I had given it to him. Either way, I didn't have it, and I suppose he didn't really either, since he rejected me. But it took me 10 years to get over him and truly let go and move on. I didn't have it through Aaron, or Ryan, or Paul... With everyone else, the closure came so much faster, and easier. And I suppose now, it was because I hadn't given them my heart to break, I just went through a grieving period for them, because I had spent so much time with them. But with true love, you can spend a lifetime getting over 2 months and 5 days. I suppose that is love for you. It knows no time. I never truly ends until you decide to move on from it. If you never try to move on, you will always be loving that person. I spent so much time having dreams about him, and I didn't understand why. I seem to know now. I only ever really gave my heart away once. And it was then shattered into a million pieces. Which I spent the last decade looking for all of them. I finally have my whole heart again. And of course, wouldn't you know it, I want to give it away again. Silly Kate. Its good to understand why everything happened, I always believed that everything happens for a reason. You can't see true love if you don't have your heart. Its a very important part. I suppose that is the real reason I blocked you so deeply, I'm sorry. But now you know, and so do I.
Oh, I bet you are all wondering, how someone without their heart can give love? Love is universal, and unconditional, and I always understood so much about it. It was the heart, my heart, that I never understood. But how can you look for meaning in something you can't find? I always loved like I had never been hurt, because the object that was hurt was no longer with me. You cannot receive true love without your heart. And you cannot give romantic love truly without it either I suppose. But then it wasn't romantic love I was giving. It was caring. I have a vast amount of love and caring that I share with the world. Always, to all, and I suppose I borrowed that; but I guess all the dependancy was that I was trying to fill your hearts with love, and then share your hearts since I could not find mine. I'm sorry for that.
Love for all who read this.
Oh, I bet you are all wondering, how someone without their heart can give love? Love is universal, and unconditional, and I always understood so much about it. It was the heart, my heart, that I never understood. But how can you look for meaning in something you can't find? I always loved like I had never been hurt, because the object that was hurt was no longer with me. You cannot receive true love without your heart. And you cannot give romantic love truly without it either I suppose. But then it wasn't romantic love I was giving. It was caring. I have a vast amount of love and caring that I share with the world. Always, to all, and I suppose I borrowed that; but I guess all the dependancy was that I was trying to fill your hearts with love, and then share your hearts since I could not find mine. I'm sorry for that.
Love for all who read this.