(no subject)
Death, beseech me. Love, evade me. My heart grows weary with its torment and pain. My mind is clouded with stormy thoughts of destruction and the feel of my face upon the cold damp floor. The aching, and everyone shuns me. The torture, and I am alone. I feel the hurt of watching you die. I remember with every haunting vision that passes through my thoughts every single day. And nay they let me forget it. Let me forget what I did to you. And I, never being faithful and never being true. No matter how much I want everyone else to believe and no matter how much I want myself to believe. I thought things and have felt things that not death of myself could even counter the immense woe I feel from feeling such things for someone that I loved so much. I am human, and this damn human emotion that takes over my thoughts from time and time again, aided in the shattering of your beautiful heart.
And I do love you. And I am sorry. I can only hope that you will not feel me barbaric and wicked for the few terrible evils that ran through my thoughts. Always placing you second, always neglecting you. And it wasn't true. And always wanting to place you with her. But neither of you are together in one place in my heart. Neither of you are first. You are both equal. Very much, for every different reason you can think of. I love her, But I love you so much. My love, where did you go. You were my love. You were who I always was so fond of, and I always tried so hard to make you happier. And when I thought that someone was taking us away from each other I panicked and turned in the wrong direction. Please know that I, By far did not love him like I do you. I never did. He was never above you, and I am so sorry for being so blind and not trusting you.
You said anyone. Even someone that you may have hated? Is he good enough? Is he right? He is different and I believe that is what you wanted. Anyone but who I was with. Someone said to me once that I should know in heart, without doubt, who my soulmate is. I was told that its possible to have two soulmates. What if you know love so much, and you give so much of yourself to a person and you don't even realize how real it is. There is great sadness in my heart. You gave me to a man that knows me better than anyone. I think that I didn't decide, but you did. OH love please be with me, watch over me, and believe in me again. Like I love you and believe so much in every breath you ever took. You are amazing and wonderful, and everyday I am haunted by such pain of your presence leaving me here without you. Laying there still and pale. I miss you dearly. But I can feel you so close, I know you are near. I love you so. I hope enough. And I hope you know. Know everything.
And I do love you. And I am sorry. I can only hope that you will not feel me barbaric and wicked for the few terrible evils that ran through my thoughts. Always placing you second, always neglecting you. And it wasn't true. And always wanting to place you with her. But neither of you are together in one place in my heart. Neither of you are first. You are both equal. Very much, for every different reason you can think of. I love her, But I love you so much. My love, where did you go. You were my love. You were who I always was so fond of, and I always tried so hard to make you happier. And when I thought that someone was taking us away from each other I panicked and turned in the wrong direction. Please know that I, By far did not love him like I do you. I never did. He was never above you, and I am so sorry for being so blind and not trusting you.
You said anyone. Even someone that you may have hated? Is he good enough? Is he right? He is different and I believe that is what you wanted. Anyone but who I was with. Someone said to me once that I should know in heart, without doubt, who my soulmate is. I was told that its possible to have two soulmates. What if you know love so much, and you give so much of yourself to a person and you don't even realize how real it is. There is great sadness in my heart. You gave me to a man that knows me better than anyone. I think that I didn't decide, but you did. OH love please be with me, watch over me, and believe in me again. Like I love you and believe so much in every breath you ever took. You are amazing and wonderful, and everyday I am haunted by such pain of your presence leaving me here without you. Laying there still and pale. I miss you dearly. But I can feel you so close, I know you are near. I love you so. I hope enough. And I hope you know. Know everything.