Alone.

[anzealbis]

I am going to be alone for a while. Finally figure myself out, and fix myself. Because I have needed to do this part on my own, I just didn't have the time or motivation to before. I want to finish my report and become healthy and stuff. So I am not going to see anyone for a long time probably. If you call me, I will talk probably though. I just

Comments

[shot97]

I know your heart has been broken. I know by now there is little if any left. Theres this thing about the heart though that I have come to believe. If a piece gets broken, THAT piece is gone forever. I remember saying these words to my ex girlfriend along time ago. I said something like my heart has been broken so many times, I give you whats left of it, not much I know, but yull take better care of it then me. Like this girl broke 25% of my heart, that girl 25%, this one and this 10%,etc here have the 5% that’s left. I truly believe that although the heart can be broken into many pieces that the remaining can “grow”. From that little 5% given tenderness it will grow. You know the grinch? A heart 4 sizes too small. But it got bigger didn’t it? Heh. Those pieces that were broken off are gone its true, but the little that remains can grow…perhaps even bigger then it was originally. And I know you think your heart is gone. I believed the same. I said specifically to her “you get the 5% that’s left”… and where is that girlfriend of mine now? No idea, havent spoken to her in years. She stole something from me. Well she stole 3 things from me… My hockey stick and my baseball glove, and what was left of my heart. She had it, she smashed it with a hammer. I thought it was gone. She took what was left of it right? All of your heart is gone right? Wrong. Its still there however little remnants remain. Brake anything and there are pieces left over. Eat a cake and crumbs remain on the plate. You cant give a piece of your heart to someone without a few crumbs staying inside. You have those crumbs there, and so do I. So do all the heartbroken. Given time they will grow into a small heart again. A heart your willing to give to someone. And perhaps if that someone treats it right it will grow ever so much more…one day…becoming bigger then it EVER was. EVER.

Your alone now in physical being. You wish to be alone, which I support. You need this. But it’s okay to think about your friends. After all thinking about things is what gets you to figure everything out. So in that sense we are ever if not more there for you mentally or spiritually. Remember the bus, remember the Princess Diaries and the day I just started reading it for no reason. That was my BEST day ever. Not because of the book (although I did spend a lot of time reading it) but for at night when you lay close to me on the ground. It was warm, and we talked a little, but mostly we just looked at each other and although nothing happened that anyone else would pinpoint as relationship moving it was so much for me. We just lay there, right next to each other, I was content with where I was. Not happy and not sad just content. A little smile all day. A deep breath threw your nose and a sigh of relief and the thought “wow” pops up in your head. I was content, that was my best day. What’s your best day? I hope you can find it. I hope you can create a new one. Many new ones. You will. If you EVER fall of a cliff and need a hand, you will always find someone to grab your hand. Its okay to call out in the event of an emergency, I will come running if you need me. Maybe I’m not allowed to physically be there, but at least mentally I will be trying my hardest just to grab your hand and pull you up, and leave again if need be.

From the bottom of what is left of my heart I wish you the best. I wish you comfort if you cry tonight or any night. I love you Catherine Faith Menter. Ill love you for the rest of my life. May you rest easy.

Full of love

Your friend,
Christopher Stephen Suhey
A.K.A. Christopher Robin

[shot97]

P.S.

Hmmm, wait…no it wasn’t warm that day. It was a little chilly. You gave me your hoddie to where. That’s why I thought it was warm! You ran inside to get another one and gave me yours to wear. I remember being so comfy in it! heh