And I am mad, as a hatter

[anywherecold]

It occurred to me today that perhaps, contrary to my innate belief that family's value lies somewhere between one's pet dog and a slightly-above average book (needy, mildly amusing, part of one's identity...somewhere, but nothing to shape one's life around), they may actually be... important. Unlike friends who, really, can bolt whenever they get bored, family is pretty much stuck together. They are the ones who will know a person longest. They are the ones required to attend graduations, love ceremonies, funerals. They have to acknowledge their members, are required to care. Perhaps, instead of placing family in the uncool, annoying category because one doesn't get to choose them, they should be seen as an freely offered social network with no possibility of rejection. Perhaps families should be more open, and accepting. Perhaps I should be more open about my life, my interests, my creations, my beliefs and ideas. Perhaps I should put forth more effort to show I care. As my father said: one day I'll need someone, and it just might be my family, but if they don't know anything about my life, they won't really be able to help get me through. This truth challenges both my independence and my hesitance to commit: I have always taken care of myself, I will always be able to do so; and: If I don't become too attached, it won't hurt as badly when they are gone. And jointly: How do I shape my life around my needs, desires, values, while acknowledging the importance of family; How do I become my own person, take care of myself first, while valuing family above everyone else, when perhaps 'everyone else' is really what I need; How do I support myself while supporting my family; How do I attempt to compensate for their weaknesses while barely compensating for my own; How do I live my life as a mentally stable, positive, accepting, open, rational person, when they face depressing, challenging, downtrodden lives, and irrational hopes or ideas, immobility, fear, stagnation?

But mostly: How do I make myself see that the benefits of valuing family outweigh the costs?