You do it to yourself, just you...

[anywherebuthb]

Today I spent my day reincarnating my love for old c.d.s. I went through my sister's music from when she was my age and had a lovely day reading and listening to Depeche Mode, The Police, and Pet Shop Boys. I think I have found a balance between being alone and being involved. I find myself alone a lot recently, in activity and in silence. And it really is such a comfort to be completey free of thought. I'm going to start meditating again and try to completey clear my mind. Keefer and I talked about this before, she has only once been able to completey clear her mind. I wish to accomplish such an achievement soon. I'm very wrapped up in the books I'm reading. Everything from romantic comedies to Salinger to some Woody Allen. I really do appreciate the company of others. When I'm with you, I really do enjoy you. I'd like you to know that because I know I can be very unappreciative of my friends, and I don't mean to. The ideals of society and an oppressed adolescent's perceptions of these ideals seem to come out in the things I say and do, and I don't want my words or actions to come off sincere. I hope I can keep this new found balance for a while. I really really hope I can. Because instability scares me oh so much. I have been looking through my sister's psychiatry books and the more I know about disorders, the more I think I have them all. Sometimes my own thoughts seem to scare me the most. Which is why I'm making a conscious decision to deflate these thoughts.

all.my.affection.
christina t.

post script.
Rachel is coming over soon to watch Radiohead $2 Bill. I can't stop smiling.