(no subject)
...and im back.
back to how it was.
staring at what i did... i think... "what the hell is wrong with me? nothing can ever be this bad."
so i search. i search for something good.
and what i find... is what was once good.
i see a promise that was once made. now it's a lie.
i see a person that was built, now that person is dead.
the screen is black.
and here are the things i once told you...:
don't give up. even if i leave you, i promise i'll come back. and dont let me give up.
***
i was thinking last night... if i were to kill myself right now... what would you be thinking? how would you feel?
*would you miis me?
*would you think there was something you could have done?
*would you wonder why?
*would you wish there were things you would have said or done?
*would you wish there were things you didn't?
*would you have any regrets regarding me?
then i began to think... what if i lost you? what if you killed yourself?
*you're already gone.
*i wouldn't be able to go through that again.
...and it would all go back to the last question
so as i sit and i stare at the blank pages... those being the ones i live everyday... i wonder, what's to be written on these next few pages.
how many more times can i fuck it all up?
the cigarette between my fingers... what if i put it out in my arm?
the safety pin holding up my poster... how would it look shreding up my arm?
pulling out my hair.
drowning in sorrows.
what's wrong with me?
...and the worst part of it all... is there's no one there to talk to and there's no one who can relate. no one to tell me to stop. no one to make it better... because they left.
and this is the end of things... for now.
back to how it was.
staring at what i did... i think... "what the hell is wrong with me? nothing can ever be this bad."
so i search. i search for something good.
and what i find... is what was once good.
i see a promise that was once made. now it's a lie.
i see a person that was built, now that person is dead.
the screen is black.
and here are the things i once told you...:
don't give up. even if i leave you, i promise i'll come back. and dont let me give up.
***
i was thinking last night... if i were to kill myself right now... what would you be thinking? how would you feel?
*would you miis me?
*would you think there was something you could have done?
*would you wonder why?
*would you wish there were things you would have said or done?
*would you wish there were things you didn't?
*would you have any regrets regarding me?
then i began to think... what if i lost you? what if you killed yourself?
*you're already gone.
*i wouldn't be able to go through that again.
...and it would all go back to the last question
so as i sit and i stare at the blank pages... those being the ones i live everyday... i wonder, what's to be written on these next few pages.
how many more times can i fuck it all up?
the cigarette between my fingers... what if i put it out in my arm?
the safety pin holding up my poster... how would it look shreding up my arm?
pulling out my hair.
drowning in sorrows.
what's wrong with me?
...and the worst part of it all... is there's no one there to talk to and there's no one who can relate. no one to tell me to stop. no one to make it better... because they left.
and this is the end of things... for now.