this is a tv show i wrote
Title: Cooked
Prompt: For isurrendered. From grim_lupine: Behind the scenes at a Food Network type show.
Type: Upbeat romantic dramedy with hour-long episodes. Probably on ABC.
Setting: Offices, television studios, and apartments in Chicago, IL.
Opening Credits Song: How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You), Marvin Gaye
Synopsis: After winning a competition to find the next Food Channel star, Dinah Clark finds herself completely out of her depth as the newest addition to the channel's programming.
Dinah Clark
Emma Stone
Before "Who Wants To Be A Top Chef?," 25-year-old Dinah Clark was an office assistant who cooked for fun in her spare time, despaired the uselessness of her college degree, and watched way too much TV. It wasn't even her plan to audition - her mother sent in a home video of her making strawberry shortcake and potato salad for a Fourth of July picnic. Apparently, what Dinah describes as "crippling awkwardness" the viewing public finds charming and funny, so she's packed up and moved from her small Michigan hometown to the Windy City to saute and julienne for a television audience of 500,000 hungry Americans. Her show, "In the Kitchen with Dinah," plays for a half an hour on weekdays - or it will, at least, once she gets the hang of this "smiling for the camera" business.
Candice Collins
extremely loosely based on Giada de Laurentiis
Rose Byrne
Candice provides the glamour for a network of tattooed, intense men and aging, heavy women. Her show, "Easy Eating Green," serves up healthy vegan recipes with a wink and a smile, and she's the darling of the 3 p.m. time slot - Judge Judy can go to hell. And, actually, so can everyone else.
Ben Parker
Adam Brody
Ben Parker operates the main camera on "In the Kitchen." He spends most of his time at work looking at Dinah or talking to Dinah or making sure the light hits her just right. He tries not to notice how she goes a little pink when they chat between takes, or how sometimes she fluffs her hair and needs somebody from hair and makeup to set her right, but he's made a career out of being observant. (Also, it doesn't hurt that she's nice to observe.) But he has a girlfriend, so it doesn't matter anyway. Right? Right. And when he's not at work, he's spending most of his time drawing comic books. Or camping out in line at new movies...of comic books. He just keeps it pretty well hidden.
Tracy Jones
Regina King
After having produced "Who Wants to be a Top Chef?" Tracy was the network's first choice to produce "In the Kitchen." She was on the panel that helped name Dinah the winner, and while she likes Dinah (and her cooking), she is frustrated with how amateur Dinah is and has a lot of problems with the network and the show's set-up. Still, she hasn't worked her way up the ladder for nothing, and always manages to bring out the best in everyone -- even if this means some stress-induced outbursts here and there.
Kathy Clark
Geena Davis
Kathy has big dreams for her daughter. Mostly, she dreams that Dinah should have big dreams, and when that doesn't just happen, Kathy steps in. She wouldn't call it meddling, she'd call it helping. Dinah might call it meddling. Her appearances mainly occur over the phone.
Bev Gibson
loosely based on Ina Garten
Brenda Blethyn
Bev's passion in life is cooking. It may have taken her a long time and 25 stressful years as a pediatric surgeon to realize this, but now that she has, she wants to pass her love of food on to as many people as possible. Her show, "The Tasty Table," is one of the flagships of the network and she's pleased to see anyone join the team - including Dinah, who she's taken under her culinary wing.
Matt Williams
Bo Burnham
Matt graduated from the University of Chicago at the age of 20 as a precocious nerd. In the past three years, he's worked his way to up to an associate producing position- and now he's just a precocious pain in the ass. While he might be a snarky dark cloud most of the time, he's also brilliant, and they're better off with him than without him (though sometimes that's hard to believe).
Recurring Characters/Guest Stars
J.K. Simmons as Dinah's father Ed Clark
Melinda Shankar as Tracy's easily intimidated P.A. Jessie Patel
Paul Giamatti as network head Campbell Stevens
Whitney Cummings as Lola Smith, the director of "In the Kitchen"
Bill Hader as Dave Keppler, sound technician for "In the Kitchen"
Prompt: For isurrendered. From grim_lupine: Behind the scenes at a Food Network type show.
Type: Upbeat romantic dramedy with hour-long episodes. Probably on ABC.
Setting: Offices, television studios, and apartments in Chicago, IL.
Opening Credits Song: How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You), Marvin Gaye
Synopsis: After winning a competition to find the next Food Channel star, Dinah Clark finds herself completely out of her depth as the newest addition to the channel's programming.
Dinah Clark
Emma Stone
Before "Who Wants To Be A Top Chef?," 25-year-old Dinah Clark was an office assistant who cooked for fun in her spare time, despaired the uselessness of her college degree, and watched way too much TV. It wasn't even her plan to audition - her mother sent in a home video of her making strawberry shortcake and potato salad for a Fourth of July picnic. Apparently, what Dinah describes as "crippling awkwardness" the viewing public finds charming and funny, so she's packed up and moved from her small Michigan hometown to the Windy City to saute and julienne for a television audience of 500,000 hungry Americans. Her show, "In the Kitchen with Dinah," plays for a half an hour on weekdays - or it will, at least, once she gets the hang of this "smiling for the camera" business.
- DINAH: So then you put your huge pan in the oven like this, voila, and because of the crazy time constraints of making lasagna on tv, I made like six of 'em this morning. So here's one I already finished! Look at that! It's like Back to the Future or something! But as long as this lasagna doesn't want to bang its mom, I think we'll be okay --
LOLA: CUT!
Candice Collins
extremely loosely based on Giada de Laurentiis
Rose Byrne
Candice provides the glamour for a network of tattooed, intense men and aging, heavy women. Her show, "Easy Eating Green," serves up healthy vegan recipes with a wink and a smile, and she's the darling of the 3 p.m. time slot - Judge Judy can go to hell. And, actually, so can everyone else.
- CANDICE: Will someone get makeup over here?
DINAH: What's the problem? Did you get all sweaty?
CANDICE: (sneering) Ugh, leave me alone.
DINAH: Sometimes that happens to me. Sometimes I get sweaty.
(Candice glares.)
DINAH: Let me tell you, there is no shame in sweat. You're standing in front of a 450 degree box. Things are gonna happen. That's how heat works.
Ben Parker
Adam Brody
Ben Parker operates the main camera on "In the Kitchen." He spends most of his time at work looking at Dinah or talking to Dinah or making sure the light hits her just right. He tries not to notice how she goes a little pink when they chat between takes, or how sometimes she fluffs her hair and needs somebody from hair and makeup to set her right, but he's made a career out of being observant. (Also, it doesn't hurt that she's nice to observe.) But he has a girlfriend, so it doesn't matter anyway. Right? Right. And when he's not at work, he's spending most of his time drawing comic books. Or camping out in line at new movies...of comic books. He just keeps it pretty well hidden.
- BEN: So.
DINAH: So.
BEN: Have you done this kind of thing before?
DINAH: Embarrassed myself for national television?
BEN: No, like, professionally cooked.
DINAH: Because I've embarrassed myself for national television before.
BEN: There's a story there.
DINAH: There is, and it's a good one.
BEN: But we were talking about the cooking.
DINAH: Do bake sale brownies count?
BEN: Not really. So what's the story?
DINAH: But I got paid for bake sale brownies. They made money. What's your definition of professional?
BEN: It wasn't a charity bake sale?
DINAH: If the charity was the "Dinah Has A Boring And Sad Summer Ahead Of Her, Please Give" foundation.
BEN: Was it supposed to be a charity bake sale?
DINAH: What's your definition of "supposed to?"
Tracy Jones
Regina King
After having produced "Who Wants to be a Top Chef?" Tracy was the network's first choice to produce "In the Kitchen." She was on the panel that helped name Dinah the winner, and while she likes Dinah (and her cooking), she is frustrated with how amateur Dinah is and has a lot of problems with the network and the show's set-up. Still, she hasn't worked her way up the ladder for nothing, and always manages to bring out the best in everyone -- even if this means some stress-induced outbursts here and there.
- TRACY: You're charming when you try. That's why you're here. That's why you made it here. So I need you to, you know, try.
DINAH: Uh.
TRACY: This isn't really all that goddamned difficult. You crack some eggs in a bowl, and you smile, and you throw in some salt or whatever, and you smile, and then you shake some flour in, and then what do you do?
DINAH: Smile?
TRACY: There you go! Jesus!
DINAH: What were you trying to bake there?
TRACY: Bread. Or cupcakes. Or - you know what? I don't give a damn! I get take-out!
Kathy Clark
Geena Davis
Kathy has big dreams for her daughter. Mostly, she dreams that Dinah should have big dreams, and when that doesn't just happen, Kathy steps in. She wouldn't call it meddling, she'd call it helping. Dinah might call it meddling. Her appearances mainly occur over the phone.
- KATHY: (on the phone) Hi, honey, it's mom. You haven't told me when your first episode is going to air yet! Do I get to see it first? I think, as your mom, I should get to see it first. I hope you're not eating too much off the craft service table, honey, though I'm sure it's delicious, since they've got so many ingredients and everything around. Oh! I was watching the other day and Candice made this beautiful, beautiful stew with vegetable broth and bay leaves and celery and I have to print off the recipe because your Aunt Cheryl wants it, because your cousin Julie has decided that she wants to be a vegetarian, I don't know, I guess it's part of whatever new thing she's into now. Your dad thinks it's part of some sort of hipster goth movement, or maybe a cult, I don't know. He says hi, by the way. He's watching the game.
Bev Gibson
loosely based on Ina Garten
Brenda Blethyn
Bev's passion in life is cooking. It may have taken her a long time and 25 stressful years as a pediatric surgeon to realize this, but now that she has, she wants to pass her love of food on to as many people as possible. Her show, "The Tasty Table," is one of the flagships of the network and she's pleased to see anyone join the team - including Dinah, who she's taken under her culinary wing.
- BEV: You have to just breathe, girl. Take a minute before every taping and just breathe in and breathe out and tell yourself that everything's gonna be great. All you have to do is cook, okay, and I know you can do that just fine.
DINAH: One time I poured hot sauce and sour cream in a quiche and then cooked it for an hour and a half at 400 degrees to make queso pie.
BEV: Well. As long as you're not doing that, everything's gonna be great.
Matt Williams
Bo Burnham
Matt graduated from the University of Chicago at the age of 20 as a precocious nerd. In the past three years, he's worked his way to up to an associate producing position- and now he's just a precocious pain in the ass. While he might be a snarky dark cloud most of the time, he's also brilliant, and they're better off with him than without him (though sometimes that's hard to believe).
- MATT: Your timing is terrible.
DINAH: Thank you, that's incredibly helpful.
MATT: I'm serious. It's like you learned your natural rhythm from a broken metronome.
DINAH: My sister tried to pick up the violin once.
MATT: Are you just sharing an anecdote or is this actually relevant?
DINAH: You saying 'metronome' made me think of it.
MATT: Wow.
TRACY: 'Wow' what?
MATT: She's like an oppressively cheerful space alien. I don't understand.
Recurring Characters/Guest Stars
J.K. Simmons as Dinah's father Ed Clark
Melinda Shankar as Tracy's easily intimidated P.A. Jessie Patel
Paul Giamatti as network head Campbell Stevens
Whitney Cummings as Lola Smith, the director of "In the Kitchen"
Bill Hader as Dave Keppler, sound technician for "In the Kitchen"