truth and consequences; a rose/scorpius fanfiction
Title: Truth and Consequences
Characters/Pairings: Rose/Scorpius, Albus
Word Count: ~3000
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Secret-keeping is not Albus's favorite thing. Actually, he hates it. He hates it a lot.
Disclaimer: I play in the Harry Potter sandbox.
Author's Note: This piece and accompanying illustration are gifts for drcjsnider, who so generously donated as a part of the Purple Dove Project for the support of LGBT teenagers. Her prompt was the following quote:
"Judgmental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out." - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I hope it's what you wanted! As always, thanks to my lovely beta grim_lupine, who somehow manages to find time in her extremely busy schedule to tell me where I've misplaced commas.
It has recently come to my attention that I've become the long-suffering best friend in a bad romantic comedy. It's a really thankless and miserable position, especially since I'm not, you know, female, and since I don't particularly care all that damn much.
But my cousin, Rose, is my best friend, and I suppose that Rose, being who she is, causes some suffering wherever she goes. Breaking hearts, or ribs, or spirits, or whatever. She takes a long time to get used to.
I still don't think I'm used to her, and I've known her as long as I've breathed, practically.
"You have a hickey," I say to her, when she meets me in the corridor on the way to breakfast. I'm not really one for small talk.
I don't know why I'm surprised. I shouldn't be surprised, since she's been snogging her current boyfriend/enemy (I never really know what's going on with those two) for about two months. Actually, they've been snogging for longer than they've actually been together, but that's entirely another story that I have neither the time nor the patience for.
"Good morning to you, as well," she responds matter-of-factly, shaking her curly auburn hair. "And I have a perfect backstory all ready. Herbology accident."
"What, a Venomous Tentacula tried to get into your pants?" I can't help it. A hickey is a hickey is a hickey. If there are plants involved, I don't want to know about it. Honestly, I don't want to know about it anyway, but when you start incorporating sentient vegetables...
I get scolded, predictably. "Don't be a prat, Al," she says. "That's the story I'm using. I want you to go with it."
"Because you think that people will...buy it?"
Rose grits her teeth. "People will buy it. People will buy it!"
"Sure," I answer. I can't fight the grin on my face. She's really easy to make fun of. "Mmmhm. Yep. Nobody's ever seen a hickey before."
She sneers, in that adorable way that she has, because she knows that I'm right and she's wrong, and she hates to be wrong. "Just do it."
In swoops Prince Charming Scorpius Malfoy, Rose's boyfriend, who I have always found mostly detestable. He's all teeth and shoulders. I don't understand the appeal. "Nice bruise, Weasley," he says, smirking, and walks backwards past us. "Herbology accident?"
Rose beams. "Glad to see you're on board!"
Then there's a little exchange of glances between the two of them that I hope I never, ever have to witness again in my life, ever. It's amazing that they've been able to keep this...whatever they're doing under wraps for this long.
"For the love of Merlin," I groan under my breath, and I push past the happy couple to go eat breakfast with what remains of my appetite.
* * *
We meet later at lunch. Our N.E.W.T. schedules have taken us in different directions, and so I had a morning full of Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. Rose had double Herbology.
"So how's Project Tentacula going?"
"Swimmingly," intones Rose, and I laugh.
"Who figured it out?" I ask as we file into the Great Hall together. Today the Great Hall smells thick and fried, like chips. Yum.
She snorts. "Davies and Parker are placing bets as to who's shagging me. I'm reporting them to the Head of House."
"You're reporting them to Neville?"
"Well, he'll be so awkward at the thought of me shagging anyone in the first place that he'll be certain to do something about it."
Rose finds a spot at the middle table, and I walk around to sit across from her. We're shortly joined by Rose's best friend Janet, our cousin Lucy, and my sister, Lily. The fact that I have almost no male friends is not lost on me. Most days I feel somewhere between slightly and completely pathetic.
"Nice hickey," Janet drawls. Janet and I are the only two people aware of what's really going on. We're worried that Lily would faint if we told her, and we know that Lucy would tell Lily, so we don't tell Lucy, either.
"A hickey?" Lily gasps, and leans across the table, her eyes squinted. "Oh! Rose! Do you- do you have a boyfriend?" Lily says "boyfriend" like it's some kind of fantasy land, a portal to a cupcake cloud with rainbows or something similarly girly and inane. I don't have the heart to tell her that, really, us men are not that exciting. Most of us are total idiots. Myself excluded, of course.
"No," Janet deadpans. "She's a chlorophiliac."
"What?" Lily says, sitting back in her seat.
"Plants get her hot. She had double Herbology this morning."
Lily gapes as Rose grits her teeth.
Sometimes I'm really grateful for Janet. This is one of those times.
* * *
I take the shortcut back from the library, after meeting my friend Julianne (yes, again, I am living in a world solely populated by women) to share Potions notes. It's getting late and half the candles in the hallways are out. Really, we're supposed to be in bed at this hour.
But since I'm keeping a huge secret (read: copious amounts of blackmail material) for the Head Girl and Head Boy, they mostly let me do whatever I like.
With a quick lumos and opening of a side door, I'm cutting ten minutes of walking time off my return to Gryffindor House.
Or I would be, if there wasn't this muffled crying behind the dilapidated tapestry. I worry for a quick second because my first instinct about anything is to get a little anxious - maybe there's some trapped first year there, the victim of some stupid prank. Or a dying owl or a missing cat. Or something.
I pull the tapestry aside, slowly, and oh, shit.
I squeeze my eyes shut as tight as physically possible to try and begin the erasing process. It's not working.
"This explains the hickey," I half-shout, forgetting that people can still hear me even if my eyes are closed.
I can hear Prince Charming Scorpius snort - apparently he thinks I'm funny, go figure - and a smack on bare skin that is almost definitely perpetrated by Rose.
"You're not making my job any easier," I add. "Shagging in corridors isn't really keeping anything under wraps."
"We weren't shagging," Rose snaps, and I can hear a rustle as she presumably pulls her sweater back over her head.
Scorpius chuckles again. "Well, almost-" he says, and there's another smack.
"Scor!" Rose squeals, and then giggles, and ugh, get me the hell out of here.
"Look," I say, resorting to just holding my hands in front of my eyes now, "either you two need to start owning up to this- this whatever it is that you're doing, or you need to stop putting the onus on me to be your secret keeper. Secret keeping is almost never a good idea."
"I told you we should have made him make an Unbreakable Vow," Scorpius quips, and I can just hear Rose roll her eyes.
"You know what else you could do?" I say, and I open my eyes and stand up a little straighter because apparently I have points to make and I'm on a roll now, "Maybe you could pay me. Or something. Because this, honestly, is a pretty juicy secret. I'm not saying I'm particularly interested in the rumor mill, but I know people who are, and this would get around. And so far the only way I've been compensated is this little...display, and a few bruises in the arm by Rose."
"We could hang out more," Scorpius tries, like he's extending some sort of olive branch of popularity, and okay, no.
"You do need more male friends," Rose continues. Oh, and now they're both deigning to come down from their perch atop whatever and fix my social life. I mean, not that my social life doesn't need any fixing, but-
"No. No! No. I don't want to be friends with you. I hardly want you to be friends with Rose. I hardly want to be friends with Rose. I have to settle with pretending in my mind that you're not abusing your power as Heads to shag in what, essentially, is a public place. I could do with - and you may take your pick, here - a new Wizard's Chess set with a perfected game memory, twenty galleons, Rose's entire collection of Chocolate Frog cards, or the complete set of Gideon Halstaff's acclaimed Dragon's Game series, in hardcover.
"I see you laughing, Malfoy, and you can just stick that laugh up your arse, because yes, I may not be quite as cool as you, but I do have a mountain of stories to use for blackmail. I'm sure the Headmaster would not look too fondly on a Head Boy who's using his powers for evil. So."
They just stare at me, and thank all that is good, Malfoy has stopped laughing.
"I'm going to bed. I'll let you think on it, yeah?"
* * *
It just gets progressively worse after that.
A week later, when Lily and I are walking together to the library, Rose and Scorpius stumble out of what we had believed to be an empty classroom. Rose is laughing, her head thrown back. The hickey from before is gone, but now there's a new one. She's carrying her sweater, and her tie is a lot looser than ties are supposed to be. Scorpius just looks disgustingly self-satisfied. I want to vomit, a little.
"Hi!" Lily greets, and the two of them come to an abrupt halt in the corridor.
"Oh-" Rose says, flushing to her roots, "h-hi, Lil."
"What's up?" Lily asks. Rose and Scorpius share a blatant "what on earth are we going to say" look. It still astounds me that Lily's not picking up on this.
"Uh, we were, er, just, um-" Rose starts, and Scorpius nudges her shoulder and takes over.
"False alarm," he says. "We heard from a second year that some students had hid some dungbombs in there, and we were sent in to take care of it. Rose just about had a panic attack trying to find them until we realized they never existed in the first place. Ha!" He grins, quirks an eyebrow at Rose. Slick bastard.
Lily looks charmed by him, as always. "Oh!" she says, grinning back. "That's a relief- last time somebody pulled a dungbomb prank my bag stunk for weeks. It was horrible."
Rose gives me a sickly-sweet smile paired with the most intense stare she can manage. It's quite creepy, but I get the message: "Don't tell Lily the truth."
Rose doesn't need to worry- I'd cut my own arm off with a butter knife before I'd give Lily another reason to gush about Prince Fucking Charming that Malfoy kid.
* * *
It's like they're competing against themselves: how bloody hard can we make Al's life?
On the way to Potions, a week after the empty classroom incident, Scorpius blatantly smacks Rose's arse before walking in the door, chuckling to himself. And of course, she squeals right back and schools her face into shock and offense.
Have I mentioned before that I think he's a bastard? Because I do. I think they both are. Can girls be bastards? Whatever. She is one.
Anyway, Julianne glances over at me with a "what is going on and why aren't you telling me" expression, and apparently I'm expected to give some sort of answer that isn't "they're shagging, they're shagging, they're shagging." They haven't actually paid me or anything yet, but Scorpius is about half a foot and sixty pounds bigger than me, so...
Instead, I get...inventive.
"Oh, didn't you hear? It's really quite tragic, actually. Fell off his broom at practice a week ago. Spent some time in the hospital wing, but Madam Bern wasn't able to fix this weird spasm he's got. Some nerve damage, I heard? He just can't control his limb movements anymore. It's really sad. He accidentally kicked a first year at breakfast this morning because he has no say in anything from his hips down. So I guess he's just randomly slapping my cousin's arse now. Shame."
Julianne's mouth drops open and she sucks in a large breath. "Oh, my God," she murmurs quietly. "How horrible."
I know. I'm a genius.
* * *
"What the hell, Potter," Scorpius says, and it's almost more whiny than angry. Ha. Serves him right.
I, of course, play the innocent, because he's massive and frankly, a little frightening. "What're you on about?"
"Apparently you're going round telling everyone I'm suffering a to-be fatal brain injury."
"Really? You're dying?" I ask, and Scorpius grits his teeth. I take a step backward; he's fucking scary.
"Yeah- from what I've heard, I was 'dicking around' on my broom and took a bad fall, and Madam Bern's given me a month more to live and my parents have been owled. I know you've had something to do with this, you little-"
"I didn't tell anybody you were going to die," I say, trying to acquit myself in the best manner possible. "I only told one person! I swear it!"
"What did you tell them?"
"You had a broom accident and you're suffering some nerve damage."
"That's it?"
"...and that you're having trouble controlling your limbs, but that's neither here nor there..."
Malfoy shoves me against the wall, and the stones hurt but I'm not entirely without blame here.
"Hey! At least I didn't tell anyone about you and Rose! Because who knows how out-of-control that rumor would get, am I right?" I laugh awkwardly and try to defuse the bomb that is Scorpius (he's squinting in a physically impossible manner and I could swear that his face is swelling).
Instead he just glares, threatens, "You'd better not say a fucking thing, Potter, or you will never be able to say another word again in your life," and turns on his heel, stomping down the corridor toward the main steps.
* * *
Janet gapes at me and sets down her fork in apparent shock. "He- he threatened you?"
"Mm. With what I'm assuming is violence, he didn't specify," I say.
"That wanker," she spits. "We need to do something about them."
I couldn't agree more.
* * *
It's a day later. Janet and I have cooked up a plan.
Step 1: Confront Rose.
"What the hell, Rose," Janet says, gesturing with her spoon over a massive bowl of bisque. All of our most important conversations happen over meals, it seems. "Your boyfriend is a menace."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Rose snaps cooly, and takes a bite of her sandwich.
"He's dictating our lives! He's an accessory to your evil plots! He threatened to permanently 'shut up' Al!"
"In a situation that was more than a little homoerotic, if you ask me," I add, shuddering at the thought. He did push me against a wall...
Step 2: Make Rose Feel Bad About It.
"I could die, Rose. Die. You know how weak I am!"
"It's true," Janet says, "he's really weak."
I stomp Janet's foot because her agreement was not part of the plan.
Step 3: Convince Rose That Anything to Do with Scorpius is a Terrible Idea.
"I heard he has a disease," Janet adds, unhelpfully. "And that he can't control his limbs anymore."
Step 4: Wait for This All to Work.
It doesn't.
"Look, I'm sorry, you two. I'll talk to him about it. But please - please - don't tell anyone about us. I'm just worried about what Mum and Dad will say, and what his mum and dad will say, and if we'll still be allowed to spend time together as heads-"
I could make some really inappropriate "head" comment here but I hold my tongue. Somehow I feel like it wouldn't be much help, at this point.
"-anyway, it's just very important that no one finds out. Okay?"
Malfoy picks this particular moment, this moment of oh, guess what, we're a secret secret couple and totally and completely subtle to walk past our table and ruffle Rose's hair. She flushes to her roots and watches him longingly as he struts down the aisle between tables.
And that is it. That is when I snap.
Impromptu Step 5: TELL EVERYONE.
"I can't take this anymore," I murmur to Janet, and stand up on the table, carefully avoiding a platter of cucumber sandwiches and a bowl of crisps.
The sheer act of just standing on a table will get you a lot of attention. Clearing your throat gets a lot more.
"HEY," I half-shout, pointing down at my cousin, who looks as if her scalp is going to blow off and lava is going to spill all down her front. "SHE AND SCORPIUS MALFOY ARE TOGETHER. LIKE...TOGETHER." I accompany this with a crude hand gesture and my job here is done. "I JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW."
And then I get hit with a sandwich.
"Sod off!" someone shouts across the Great Hall. "That's not even news!"
There's a roar of laugher from a predominantly Slytherin table especially and a fair amount of snorting. I get down and stand behind Janet, who looks as puzzled as I do.
"Everybody already knows," a Hufflepuff shouts, and it's a girl that I don't know, and Janet doesn't know, and Rose and Scorpius probably don't know either. She looks to be about five years old (though I'd wager that she's probably a little older than that).
"...the hell?" I whisper to Janet, who shrugs.
Scorpius storms over to our group, a look of pure fury on his face. "I'd be pissed as hell that you told someone, Potter, but I'm even more pissed that everyone seems to already know. Janet! Who'd you tell?"
Janet shakes her head, brown fringe swooshing back and forth over her face. "Didn't tell a soul," she says.
Scorpius looks down at Rose, who looks like she's caught between crying and laughing. "So everybody already knew?" she says delicately, glancing up at him.
He laughs and takes her hand. "Are we really that obvious?"
Janet and I, in unison, shout, "YES."
Malfoy glares at us, and says, "Wasn't asking you, was I?"
With a theatrical roll of her eyes, Janet answers, "Don't matter, does it? Could the pair of you go be absolutely repulsive somewhere else, please? Like a broom cupboard or an empty classroom or Hagrid's Hut, or something?"
I cringe a little bit at the thought of anybody hooking up at Hagrid's, but I nod in agreement.
"Please," I beg, "let us celebrate our freedom in peace."
Rose grins, bless her, and smacks my shoulder.
"Anything for you."
Rose is laughing, her head thrown back...Scorpius just looks disgustingly self-satisfied.
Characters/Pairings: Rose/Scorpius, Albus
Word Count: ~3000
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Secret-keeping is not Albus's favorite thing. Actually, he hates it. He hates it a lot.
Disclaimer: I play in the Harry Potter sandbox.
Author's Note: This piece and accompanying illustration are gifts for drcjsnider, who so generously donated as a part of the Purple Dove Project for the support of LGBT teenagers. Her prompt was the following quote:
"Judgmental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out." - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I hope it's what you wanted! As always, thanks to my lovely beta grim_lupine, who somehow manages to find time in her extremely busy schedule to tell me where I've misplaced commas.
It has recently come to my attention that I've become the long-suffering best friend in a bad romantic comedy. It's a really thankless and miserable position, especially since I'm not, you know, female, and since I don't particularly care all that damn much.
But my cousin, Rose, is my best friend, and I suppose that Rose, being who she is, causes some suffering wherever she goes. Breaking hearts, or ribs, or spirits, or whatever. She takes a long time to get used to.
I still don't think I'm used to her, and I've known her as long as I've breathed, practically.
"You have a hickey," I say to her, when she meets me in the corridor on the way to breakfast. I'm not really one for small talk.
I don't know why I'm surprised. I shouldn't be surprised, since she's been snogging her current boyfriend/enemy (I never really know what's going on with those two) for about two months. Actually, they've been snogging for longer than they've actually been together, but that's entirely another story that I have neither the time nor the patience for.
"Good morning to you, as well," she responds matter-of-factly, shaking her curly auburn hair. "And I have a perfect backstory all ready. Herbology accident."
"What, a Venomous Tentacula tried to get into your pants?" I can't help it. A hickey is a hickey is a hickey. If there are plants involved, I don't want to know about it. Honestly, I don't want to know about it anyway, but when you start incorporating sentient vegetables...
I get scolded, predictably. "Don't be a prat, Al," she says. "That's the story I'm using. I want you to go with it."
"Because you think that people will...buy it?"
Rose grits her teeth. "People will buy it. People will buy it!"
"Sure," I answer. I can't fight the grin on my face. She's really easy to make fun of. "Mmmhm. Yep. Nobody's ever seen a hickey before."
She sneers, in that adorable way that she has, because she knows that I'm right and she's wrong, and she hates to be wrong. "Just do it."
In swoops Prince Charming Scorpius Malfoy, Rose's boyfriend, who I have always found mostly detestable. He's all teeth and shoulders. I don't understand the appeal. "Nice bruise, Weasley," he says, smirking, and walks backwards past us. "Herbology accident?"
Rose beams. "Glad to see you're on board!"
Then there's a little exchange of glances between the two of them that I hope I never, ever have to witness again in my life, ever. It's amazing that they've been able to keep this...whatever they're doing under wraps for this long.
"For the love of Merlin," I groan under my breath, and I push past the happy couple to go eat breakfast with what remains of my appetite.
* * *
We meet later at lunch. Our N.E.W.T. schedules have taken us in different directions, and so I had a morning full of Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. Rose had double Herbology.
"So how's Project Tentacula going?"
"Swimmingly," intones Rose, and I laugh.
"Who figured it out?" I ask as we file into the Great Hall together. Today the Great Hall smells thick and fried, like chips. Yum.
She snorts. "Davies and Parker are placing bets as to who's shagging me. I'm reporting them to the Head of House."
"You're reporting them to Neville?"
"Well, he'll be so awkward at the thought of me shagging anyone in the first place that he'll be certain to do something about it."
Rose finds a spot at the middle table, and I walk around to sit across from her. We're shortly joined by Rose's best friend Janet, our cousin Lucy, and my sister, Lily. The fact that I have almost no male friends is not lost on me. Most days I feel somewhere between slightly and completely pathetic.
"Nice hickey," Janet drawls. Janet and I are the only two people aware of what's really going on. We're worried that Lily would faint if we told her, and we know that Lucy would tell Lily, so we don't tell Lucy, either.
"A hickey?" Lily gasps, and leans across the table, her eyes squinted. "Oh! Rose! Do you- do you have a boyfriend?" Lily says "boyfriend" like it's some kind of fantasy land, a portal to a cupcake cloud with rainbows or something similarly girly and inane. I don't have the heart to tell her that, really, us men are not that exciting. Most of us are total idiots. Myself excluded, of course.
"No," Janet deadpans. "She's a chlorophiliac."
"What?" Lily says, sitting back in her seat.
"Plants get her hot. She had double Herbology this morning."
Lily gapes as Rose grits her teeth.
Sometimes I'm really grateful for Janet. This is one of those times.
* * *
I take the shortcut back from the library, after meeting my friend Julianne (yes, again, I am living in a world solely populated by women) to share Potions notes. It's getting late and half the candles in the hallways are out. Really, we're supposed to be in bed at this hour.
But since I'm keeping a huge secret (read: copious amounts of blackmail material) for the Head Girl and Head Boy, they mostly let me do whatever I like.
With a quick lumos and opening of a side door, I'm cutting ten minutes of walking time off my return to Gryffindor House.
Or I would be, if there wasn't this muffled crying behind the dilapidated tapestry. I worry for a quick second because my first instinct about anything is to get a little anxious - maybe there's some trapped first year there, the victim of some stupid prank. Or a dying owl or a missing cat. Or something.
I pull the tapestry aside, slowly, and oh, shit.
I squeeze my eyes shut as tight as physically possible to try and begin the erasing process. It's not working.
"This explains the hickey," I half-shout, forgetting that people can still hear me even if my eyes are closed.
I can hear Prince Charming Scorpius snort - apparently he thinks I'm funny, go figure - and a smack on bare skin that is almost definitely perpetrated by Rose.
"You're not making my job any easier," I add. "Shagging in corridors isn't really keeping anything under wraps."
"We weren't shagging," Rose snaps, and I can hear a rustle as she presumably pulls her sweater back over her head.
Scorpius chuckles again. "Well, almost-" he says, and there's another smack.
"Scor!" Rose squeals, and then giggles, and ugh, get me the hell out of here.
"Look," I say, resorting to just holding my hands in front of my eyes now, "either you two need to start owning up to this- this whatever it is that you're doing, or you need to stop putting the onus on me to be your secret keeper. Secret keeping is almost never a good idea."
"I told you we should have made him make an Unbreakable Vow," Scorpius quips, and I can just hear Rose roll her eyes.
"You know what else you could do?" I say, and I open my eyes and stand up a little straighter because apparently I have points to make and I'm on a roll now, "Maybe you could pay me. Or something. Because this, honestly, is a pretty juicy secret. I'm not saying I'm particularly interested in the rumor mill, but I know people who are, and this would get around. And so far the only way I've been compensated is this little...display, and a few bruises in the arm by Rose."
"We could hang out more," Scorpius tries, like he's extending some sort of olive branch of popularity, and okay, no.
"You do need more male friends," Rose continues. Oh, and now they're both deigning to come down from their perch atop whatever and fix my social life. I mean, not that my social life doesn't need any fixing, but-
"No. No! No. I don't want to be friends with you. I hardly want you to be friends with Rose. I hardly want to be friends with Rose. I have to settle with pretending in my mind that you're not abusing your power as Heads to shag in what, essentially, is a public place. I could do with - and you may take your pick, here - a new Wizard's Chess set with a perfected game memory, twenty galleons, Rose's entire collection of Chocolate Frog cards, or the complete set of Gideon Halstaff's acclaimed Dragon's Game series, in hardcover.
"I see you laughing, Malfoy, and you can just stick that laugh up your arse, because yes, I may not be quite as cool as you, but I do have a mountain of stories to use for blackmail. I'm sure the Headmaster would not look too fondly on a Head Boy who's using his powers for evil. So."
They just stare at me, and thank all that is good, Malfoy has stopped laughing.
"I'm going to bed. I'll let you think on it, yeah?"
* * *
It just gets progressively worse after that.
A week later, when Lily and I are walking together to the library, Rose and Scorpius stumble out of what we had believed to be an empty classroom. Rose is laughing, her head thrown back. The hickey from before is gone, but now there's a new one. She's carrying her sweater, and her tie is a lot looser than ties are supposed to be. Scorpius just looks disgustingly self-satisfied. I want to vomit, a little.
"Hi!" Lily greets, and the two of them come to an abrupt halt in the corridor.
"Oh-" Rose says, flushing to her roots, "h-hi, Lil."
"What's up?" Lily asks. Rose and Scorpius share a blatant "what on earth are we going to say" look. It still astounds me that Lily's not picking up on this.
"Uh, we were, er, just, um-" Rose starts, and Scorpius nudges her shoulder and takes over.
"False alarm," he says. "We heard from a second year that some students had hid some dungbombs in there, and we were sent in to take care of it. Rose just about had a panic attack trying to find them until we realized they never existed in the first place. Ha!" He grins, quirks an eyebrow at Rose. Slick bastard.
Lily looks charmed by him, as always. "Oh!" she says, grinning back. "That's a relief- last time somebody pulled a dungbomb prank my bag stunk for weeks. It was horrible."
Rose gives me a sickly-sweet smile paired with the most intense stare she can manage. It's quite creepy, but I get the message: "Don't tell Lily the truth."
Rose doesn't need to worry- I'd cut my own arm off with a butter knife before I'd give Lily another reason to gush about Prince Fucking Charming that Malfoy kid.
* * *
It's like they're competing against themselves: how bloody hard can we make Al's life?
On the way to Potions, a week after the empty classroom incident, Scorpius blatantly smacks Rose's arse before walking in the door, chuckling to himself. And of course, she squeals right back and schools her face into shock and offense.
Have I mentioned before that I think he's a bastard? Because I do. I think they both are. Can girls be bastards? Whatever. She is one.
Anyway, Julianne glances over at me with a "what is going on and why aren't you telling me" expression, and apparently I'm expected to give some sort of answer that isn't "they're shagging, they're shagging, they're shagging." They haven't actually paid me or anything yet, but Scorpius is about half a foot and sixty pounds bigger than me, so...
Instead, I get...inventive.
"Oh, didn't you hear? It's really quite tragic, actually. Fell off his broom at practice a week ago. Spent some time in the hospital wing, but Madam Bern wasn't able to fix this weird spasm he's got. Some nerve damage, I heard? He just can't control his limb movements anymore. It's really sad. He accidentally kicked a first year at breakfast this morning because he has no say in anything from his hips down. So I guess he's just randomly slapping my cousin's arse now. Shame."
Julianne's mouth drops open and she sucks in a large breath. "Oh, my God," she murmurs quietly. "How horrible."
I know. I'm a genius.
* * *
"What the hell, Potter," Scorpius says, and it's almost more whiny than angry. Ha. Serves him right.
I, of course, play the innocent, because he's massive and frankly, a little frightening. "What're you on about?"
"Apparently you're going round telling everyone I'm suffering a to-be fatal brain injury."
"Really? You're dying?" I ask, and Scorpius grits his teeth. I take a step backward; he's fucking scary.
"Yeah- from what I've heard, I was 'dicking around' on my broom and took a bad fall, and Madam Bern's given me a month more to live and my parents have been owled. I know you've had something to do with this, you little-"
"I didn't tell anybody you were going to die," I say, trying to acquit myself in the best manner possible. "I only told one person! I swear it!"
"What did you tell them?"
"You had a broom accident and you're suffering some nerve damage."
"That's it?"
"...and that you're having trouble controlling your limbs, but that's neither here nor there..."
Malfoy shoves me against the wall, and the stones hurt but I'm not entirely without blame here.
"Hey! At least I didn't tell anyone about you and Rose! Because who knows how out-of-control that rumor would get, am I right?" I laugh awkwardly and try to defuse the bomb that is Scorpius (he's squinting in a physically impossible manner and I could swear that his face is swelling).
Instead he just glares, threatens, "You'd better not say a fucking thing, Potter, or you will never be able to say another word again in your life," and turns on his heel, stomping down the corridor toward the main steps.
* * *
Janet gapes at me and sets down her fork in apparent shock. "He- he threatened you?"
"Mm. With what I'm assuming is violence, he didn't specify," I say.
"That wanker," she spits. "We need to do something about them."
I couldn't agree more.
* * *
It's a day later. Janet and I have cooked up a plan.
Step 1: Confront Rose.
"What the hell, Rose," Janet says, gesturing with her spoon over a massive bowl of bisque. All of our most important conversations happen over meals, it seems. "Your boyfriend is a menace."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Rose snaps cooly, and takes a bite of her sandwich.
"He's dictating our lives! He's an accessory to your evil plots! He threatened to permanently 'shut up' Al!"
"In a situation that was more than a little homoerotic, if you ask me," I add, shuddering at the thought. He did push me against a wall...
Step 2: Make Rose Feel Bad About It.
"I could die, Rose. Die. You know how weak I am!"
"It's true," Janet says, "he's really weak."
I stomp Janet's foot because her agreement was not part of the plan.
Step 3: Convince Rose That Anything to Do with Scorpius is a Terrible Idea.
"I heard he has a disease," Janet adds, unhelpfully. "And that he can't control his limbs anymore."
Step 4: Wait for This All to Work.
It doesn't.
"Look, I'm sorry, you two. I'll talk to him about it. But please - please - don't tell anyone about us. I'm just worried about what Mum and Dad will say, and what his mum and dad will say, and if we'll still be allowed to spend time together as heads-"
I could make some really inappropriate "head" comment here but I hold my tongue. Somehow I feel like it wouldn't be much help, at this point.
"-anyway, it's just very important that no one finds out. Okay?"
Malfoy picks this particular moment, this moment of oh, guess what, we're a secret secret couple and totally and completely subtle to walk past our table and ruffle Rose's hair. She flushes to her roots and watches him longingly as he struts down the aisle between tables.
And that is it. That is when I snap.
Impromptu Step 5: TELL EVERYONE.
"I can't take this anymore," I murmur to Janet, and stand up on the table, carefully avoiding a platter of cucumber sandwiches and a bowl of crisps.
The sheer act of just standing on a table will get you a lot of attention. Clearing your throat gets a lot more.
"HEY," I half-shout, pointing down at my cousin, who looks as if her scalp is going to blow off and lava is going to spill all down her front. "SHE AND SCORPIUS MALFOY ARE TOGETHER. LIKE...TOGETHER." I accompany this with a crude hand gesture and my job here is done. "I JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW."
And then I get hit with a sandwich.
"Sod off!" someone shouts across the Great Hall. "That's not even news!"
There's a roar of laugher from a predominantly Slytherin table especially and a fair amount of snorting. I get down and stand behind Janet, who looks as puzzled as I do.
"Everybody already knows," a Hufflepuff shouts, and it's a girl that I don't know, and Janet doesn't know, and Rose and Scorpius probably don't know either. She looks to be about five years old (though I'd wager that she's probably a little older than that).
"...the hell?" I whisper to Janet, who shrugs.
Scorpius storms over to our group, a look of pure fury on his face. "I'd be pissed as hell that you told someone, Potter, but I'm even more pissed that everyone seems to already know. Janet! Who'd you tell?"
Janet shakes her head, brown fringe swooshing back and forth over her face. "Didn't tell a soul," she says.
Scorpius looks down at Rose, who looks like she's caught between crying and laughing. "So everybody already knew?" she says delicately, glancing up at him.
He laughs and takes her hand. "Are we really that obvious?"
Janet and I, in unison, shout, "YES."
Malfoy glares at us, and says, "Wasn't asking you, was I?"
With a theatrical roll of her eyes, Janet answers, "Don't matter, does it? Could the pair of you go be absolutely repulsive somewhere else, please? Like a broom cupboard or an empty classroom or Hagrid's Hut, or something?"
I cringe a little bit at the thought of anybody hooking up at Hagrid's, but I nod in agreement.
"Please," I beg, "let us celebrate our freedom in peace."
Rose grins, bless her, and smacks my shoulder.
"Anything for you."
Rose is laughing, her head thrown back...Scorpius just looks disgustingly self-satisfied.