"funny the way it is...somebody's broken heart then becomes your favorite song"
whoooo what a week! I tell ya, i'm sure glad i decided that this was a good idea, this rebirth of the long lost blog. Who would've thunk it to be the exact perfect time to start it back up again?!
yikes.....what a mess i've gotten myself into...Loving is completely worth it but gosh does it hurt when it's almost over.... I just want a shot at showing him i'm not a complete emotional disaster all the time....because i'm not. If he were to read this he would understand that i can hack it. But, all self pity aside, this is entirely my fault. I took the vulnerability aspect of not being a hardass all the time to a complete extreme and henceforth have created the astonishingly believable illusion that I can't go a day without having a meltdown. WRONG.
It's a difficult thing to sift through....this not knowing whats going to happen and trying to figure out how to fix it...mainly because the very thing I have to fix is a reaction to the problem! So what to do, what to do? I get that he is leaving, I get that he needs to focus on his future, I get that I need to be strong for him. I just need to show him i'm not crazy.....and i will, i just hope it won't be too late and that it will be enough. God has a plan, this i know. I just pray that he is in my plan and that it's forever.
I miss him, i miss home, and i miss my best friend so so much. BUT i did just get back from the most wonderful dinner date with 3 of my gorgeos sisters and literally hurt from laughin and gorging on food haha i completely consent to the extra hour in the gym tomorrow. This night was totally worth it.
A weekend alone hopefully will not end in a lifetime alone, but I am optimistic that it will be a productive one. I am so thankful for my parents and their understanding of how rediculous I am. $50 valentine card bought my dinner tonight and "something frivilous" tomorrow compliments of Dad. He gets me, i only wish more pepole did. I asked him if our health insurance covered counseling because I am in need of it....i dont think it does and i will feel too guilty making us pay more money that we don't have for me to be a little less emotional. unemployment is the worst ever. and it gives me gray hairs.....
i need to know that this will turn out all okay. that he will remember who I was before he pulled the rug from beneath me and that we can mend this and move on together into this new adventure....i pray that i have the strength to get up and live everyday after that when/if it doesnt happen.....i am not sure that i do, but atleast for now the thought that this could all be some rediculous nightmare is enough to keep me from drowning
yikes.....what a mess i've gotten myself into...Loving is completely worth it but gosh does it hurt when it's almost over.... I just want a shot at showing him i'm not a complete emotional disaster all the time....because i'm not. If he were to read this he would understand that i can hack it. But, all self pity aside, this is entirely my fault. I took the vulnerability aspect of not being a hardass all the time to a complete extreme and henceforth have created the astonishingly believable illusion that I can't go a day without having a meltdown. WRONG.
It's a difficult thing to sift through....this not knowing whats going to happen and trying to figure out how to fix it...mainly because the very thing I have to fix is a reaction to the problem! So what to do, what to do? I get that he is leaving, I get that he needs to focus on his future, I get that I need to be strong for him. I just need to show him i'm not crazy.....and i will, i just hope it won't be too late and that it will be enough. God has a plan, this i know. I just pray that he is in my plan and that it's forever.
I miss him, i miss home, and i miss my best friend so so much. BUT i did just get back from the most wonderful dinner date with 3 of my gorgeos sisters and literally hurt from laughin and gorging on food haha i completely consent to the extra hour in the gym tomorrow. This night was totally worth it.
A weekend alone hopefully will not end in a lifetime alone, but I am optimistic that it will be a productive one. I am so thankful for my parents and their understanding of how rediculous I am. $50 valentine card bought my dinner tonight and "something frivilous" tomorrow compliments of Dad. He gets me, i only wish more pepole did. I asked him if our health insurance covered counseling because I am in need of it....i dont think it does and i will feel too guilty making us pay more money that we don't have for me to be a little less emotional. unemployment is the worst ever. and it gives me gray hairs.....
i need to know that this will turn out all okay. that he will remember who I was before he pulled the rug from beneath me and that we can mend this and move on together into this new adventure....i pray that i have the strength to get up and live everyday after that when/if it doesnt happen.....i am not sure that i do, but atleast for now the thought that this could all be some rediculous nightmare is enough to keep me from drowning