The Photographs Your Boyfriend Took (Frerard - 4/?)
Title: The Photographs Your Boyfriend Took (4/?)
Pairing: Frerard
Author:
anygivennight
Beta:
bulletstreak
Rating: R (for cursing)
Warnings: Eating Disorders and Under-age drinking
Disclaimer: Didn't happen, I made it up, I don't own them, blah blah blah. Enjoy it.
Word Count: 925
Summary: "Out.” I replied, leaning over my desk to apply eyeliner in the mirror. “I’ll be late” I mumbled, avoiding his eyes as I kissed him on the forehead “You can sleep down here if you like, but don’t wait up for me, okay?” he nodded and I started up the stairs.
When Mikey and I got to our house we went straight into the kitchen, just catching our parents before they headed to the airport. They were on their way to Boston for an art gallery opening; they were both art appraisers and very good at their job. They were always going for these kinds of things leaving Mikey and me in the capable hands of Elena, our tiny Italian grandmother. I kissed Donna on both cheeks, wishing her luck. She took my face in her hands, much like Frank had, “Oh Gerard,” she sighed, kissing me on the forehead “take care of yourself, please.” She made it sound like I threw myself into fights left, right and centre, which I definitely did not. “Okay Donna.” I promised, “Now you guys go catch your plane, you’re going to miss your flight!” I smiled, quickly hugging Donald before the both bustled out the front door.
When they were gone Elena came over to me, taking her turn to inspect my lip, “Bullies?” she asked. She was the only adult who really understood how life worked and she was the only adult I’d told about me being gay. She had been really good about it, holding me when I first told her and I cried, and she hasn’t pressured me into telling Donna or Donald. She knows that I will tell them when I know I’m ready. “No,” I told her “It was actually, uh” I broke off, laughing a bit “It was actually the first friend I’ve made…” She quirked an eyebrow at me and I launched into my Frank story. She hmm’d and hah’d in all the right places and then hugged me when I got to the part about Frank being straight and how I think I’m starting to crush on him. “Everything will work out Gerard” she assured me, patting my arm lovingly as I rested my head on her shoulder. She kissed my cheek and I grabbed a six-pack of diet coke and headed to the basement, yelling to Mikey that I was putting on Dawn Of The Dead if he wanted to watch.
We watched the movie and shared half a bottle of vodka from the collection of alcohol that I kept all over my room, behind books, under my bed, in drawers and in my closet, and the coke. As the movie ended and the credits started rolling I glanced at my clock, it read 10:46 and I knew Elena was asleep. I was a little drunk, but sober enough to walk down the road. I got up, turned off the TV and started changing. When I looked up Mikey was staring at me, his eyes dark and sad, I frowned at him, pulling on the tightest jeans I owned and then a tight black shirt. “Where are you going, Gee?” he asked me, his voice was small and sad, the alcohol intensifying his emotions. “Out.” I replied, leaning over my desk to apply eyeliner in the mirror. “I’ll be late” I mumbled, avoiding his eyes as I kissed him on the forehead “You can sleep down here if you like, but don’t wait up for me, okay?” he nodded and I started up the stairs.
Mikey’s expression haunted me as I walked, he didn’t know where I was going or exactly why, but I worried that he was getting closer and closer to figuring it out. This terrified me, Mikey meant the world to me and I couldn’t handle being more of a disappointment to him that I already was. This was my one dirty secret that I kept from him, my one skeleton in my closet, my personal demon. He won’t find out about this. He can’t. I’d be dead before I’d let him find out. No one knew that I did this, not Elena who knew every little detail of my life, I didn’t even risk writing it down in one of my many notebooks for fear that someone my read it. I shook my head, trying desperately to clear it. The harsh lights of the gas station were in sight by then. I took a deep breath, putting my game face on.
I entered the bathrooms first, looking in the mirror at myself, pulling my jeans down slightly to expose my hipbones, or where my hipbones should have been if not for the fat. I tried my hardest to block out the negative thoughts, but they came rushing in anyways. Who could love you? The voice in my head leered, look how fat you are! How much did you eat today? Almost half an apple, a whole slice of toast, with butter! And let’s not forget the fry you stole from Frank. All those calories! You’re such a pig! The voice was harsh, I started to become dizzy, and then bile rose in my throat and all I could do was turn to face the toilet before I was emptying the contents of my stomach, the voice slowly subsiding into the far reaches of my conscience, to the point where I could no longer hear it, but I knew it could come back whenever it pleased. I kneeled beside the toilet for a second, waiting for the dizziness to pass. When it did I stood up, going back to the sink and rinsing out my mouth. I popped a few Ativans and then sucked on a breath mint. I sighed, looking at my reflection once more before pushing open the door and heading behind the gas station.
Pairing: Frerard
Author:
anygivennight
Beta:
bulletstreak
Rating: R (for cursing)
Warnings: Eating Disorders and Under-age drinking
Disclaimer: Didn't happen, I made it up, I don't own them, blah blah blah. Enjoy it.
Word Count: 925
Summary: "Out.” I replied, leaning over my desk to apply eyeliner in the mirror. “I’ll be late” I mumbled, avoiding his eyes as I kissed him on the forehead “You can sleep down here if you like, but don’t wait up for me, okay?” he nodded and I started up the stairs.
When Mikey and I got to our house we went straight into the kitchen, just catching our parents before they headed to the airport. They were on their way to Boston for an art gallery opening; they were both art appraisers and very good at their job. They were always going for these kinds of things leaving Mikey and me in the capable hands of Elena, our tiny Italian grandmother. I kissed Donna on both cheeks, wishing her luck. She took my face in her hands, much like Frank had, “Oh Gerard,” she sighed, kissing me on the forehead “take care of yourself, please.” She made it sound like I threw myself into fights left, right and centre, which I definitely did not. “Okay Donna.” I promised, “Now you guys go catch your plane, you’re going to miss your flight!” I smiled, quickly hugging Donald before the both bustled out the front door.
When they were gone Elena came over to me, taking her turn to inspect my lip, “Bullies?” she asked. She was the only adult who really understood how life worked and she was the only adult I’d told about me being gay. She had been really good about it, holding me when I first told her and I cried, and she hasn’t pressured me into telling Donna or Donald. She knows that I will tell them when I know I’m ready. “No,” I told her “It was actually, uh” I broke off, laughing a bit “It was actually the first friend I’ve made…” She quirked an eyebrow at me and I launched into my Frank story. She hmm’d and hah’d in all the right places and then hugged me when I got to the part about Frank being straight and how I think I’m starting to crush on him. “Everything will work out Gerard” she assured me, patting my arm lovingly as I rested my head on her shoulder. She kissed my cheek and I grabbed a six-pack of diet coke and headed to the basement, yelling to Mikey that I was putting on Dawn Of The Dead if he wanted to watch.
We watched the movie and shared half a bottle of vodka from the collection of alcohol that I kept all over my room, behind books, under my bed, in drawers and in my closet, and the coke. As the movie ended and the credits started rolling I glanced at my clock, it read 10:46 and I knew Elena was asleep. I was a little drunk, but sober enough to walk down the road. I got up, turned off the TV and started changing. When I looked up Mikey was staring at me, his eyes dark and sad, I frowned at him, pulling on the tightest jeans I owned and then a tight black shirt. “Where are you going, Gee?” he asked me, his voice was small and sad, the alcohol intensifying his emotions. “Out.” I replied, leaning over my desk to apply eyeliner in the mirror. “I’ll be late” I mumbled, avoiding his eyes as I kissed him on the forehead “You can sleep down here if you like, but don’t wait up for me, okay?” he nodded and I started up the stairs.
Mikey’s expression haunted me as I walked, he didn’t know where I was going or exactly why, but I worried that he was getting closer and closer to figuring it out. This terrified me, Mikey meant the world to me and I couldn’t handle being more of a disappointment to him that I already was. This was my one dirty secret that I kept from him, my one skeleton in my closet, my personal demon. He won’t find out about this. He can’t. I’d be dead before I’d let him find out. No one knew that I did this, not Elena who knew every little detail of my life, I didn’t even risk writing it down in one of my many notebooks for fear that someone my read it. I shook my head, trying desperately to clear it. The harsh lights of the gas station were in sight by then. I took a deep breath, putting my game face on.
I entered the bathrooms first, looking in the mirror at myself, pulling my jeans down slightly to expose my hipbones, or where my hipbones should have been if not for the fat. I tried my hardest to block out the negative thoughts, but they came rushing in anyways. Who could love you? The voice in my head leered, look how fat you are! How much did you eat today? Almost half an apple, a whole slice of toast, with butter! And let’s not forget the fry you stole from Frank. All those calories! You’re such a pig! The voice was harsh, I started to become dizzy, and then bile rose in my throat and all I could do was turn to face the toilet before I was emptying the contents of my stomach, the voice slowly subsiding into the far reaches of my conscience, to the point where I could no longer hear it, but I knew it could come back whenever it pleased. I kneeled beside the toilet for a second, waiting for the dizziness to pass. When it did I stood up, going back to the sink and rinsing out my mouth. I popped a few Ativans and then sucked on a breath mint. I sighed, looking at my reflection once more before pushing open the door and heading behind the gas station.