its actually the opposite. if you think that i believe that i deserve everything good. its really more like i deserve everything wrong and bad that has happened. i put myself here. kind of like a basis on curiosity... like its not like i wanted to see how big of a hole i could dig myself into... its just that i kept going. no stopping, no turning back. just straight into the hole. now im on the bottom. and i belong here.
i know that God is watching me. and youre right. he is the only one who knows what im feeling. not anybody else. and right now... id like to tell you a secret. dont hate me for it (even though you may already). right now im doubting my faith in everything. ive lost all that i ever had. and theres no getting better. no escape from it.
all i want is for things to better. not the way they used to be because i dont want to go back... turning back would eventually just lead me back to here. i want things to be new. i want all of this to go away. i want to be a new person. now i know theres no erasing what ive done and what i am now. but i just want more than anything to believe. to believe in myself. to believe that there is something out there. something better. i dont think that i deserve this. but i want to believe that i can. that i can get there if i tried. i wish i had started a long time ago, but i cant regret now. i could get there if i had help...
i have no one to carry me anymore. i have no one to ask.
i know that God is watching me. and youre right. he is the only one who knows what im feeling. not anybody else. and right now... id like to tell you a secret. dont hate me for it (even though you may already). right now im doubting my faith in everything. ive lost all that i ever had. and theres no getting better. no escape from it.
all i want is for things to better. not the way they used to be because i dont want to go back... turning back would eventually just lead me back to here. i want things to be new. i want all of this to go away. i want to be a new person. now i know theres no erasing what ive done and what i am now. but i just want more than anything to believe. to believe in myself. to believe that there is something out there. something better. i dont think that i deserve this. but i want to believe that i can. that i can get there if i tried. i wish i had started a long time ago, but i cant regret now. i could get there if i had help...
i have no one to carry me anymore. i have no one to ask.
Reply
Leave a comment