Moving along
SO. i went to a sick party at meaghans house. oh my god. i was drunk. all night. non stop. it was insane. i was there with mikey kyle auber (yes RYAN auber) and mandy and neacy. they where all tipsy as well. i didnt puke so i was happy. mandy and i had a LONG as talk. about my problems i have been havin. we talked about wat happend with cailin. and what i should do about it. and then i find out that cailin took the liberty of telling courtney herself. well gee thanks ya cunt. anyways. so i also had a talk with ryan. about kristen. he said she is cool and all, and i would agree, at first impression she is kinda cool. he knows what happened between me and her. and he said he doesnt want that. he also said that he could never date the ex of one of his best friends. in his works "he wouldnt cut me low like that" honestly, when i found out from kristens lj that he "liked" her i was pretty pissed. i said some mean things about him and her. she desserved her share cuz she is a slutbag, but i was wrong about ryan and i wanna apologize even though he will never read this. i didnt mean what i said about him. i was pissed. he is a freakin AWSOME friend. and i have a NEW higher lever of respect for him. as for kristen her respect is down the shitter. fuck her. ryan wouldnt do that to me. so anyways, i talked to natasha. a fellow anti kristen type person. i like it cuz i can talk to her and she will agree with me that kristen is fuckin up her life. imma chill with her tomorrow.
courtney....*sigh* i dont even know what to do. im kinda avoiding talking to her. im afraid of what is gonna happen. i wish i could have told her instead of cailin cuz now it seems like i WASNT gonna tell her. idk if she knows but its not like i did it and moved on. when she didnt know i wouldnt make out with her. i was always sad around her. and i couldnt look her in the eyes. it was eating away at me. i was thinking of what to say and then she said she needed to talk to me about what cailin told her. im afraid to talk to her. i know im gonna get thrown away. i know that she isnt gonna be able to trust me. i need to talk to tashy about this tomorrow, cuz i started tonight and she gave me some good adivce. she looks at both sides and all outcomes. she can tell me what will happen if i jus dont talk to courtney, and she will tell me what will happen if i DO talk to courtney. tashy knows me. man shes a good friend. but i like NEVER talk to her. idk why it seems we both get tied up in our OWN lives and pretty much forgets the other exists. idk. i dont FORGET her. but we just never talk. i wanna change that this summer. i wanna talk to her all summer.
*sigh* idk what to do. i get so pissed at everything. i tried to drink it all away last night at the party. i heard bout ppl doin that. and while i was drinkin i felt older. i felt like 25. i was sittin round hte table with a 24 yr old chick and a 23 yr old guy, havin a serious mature convo. and they accepted me like i was their age. i had a bud in one hand and a cigg in the other and i felt good. i just kept drinkin and they told me to slow down. they dont know if i can hold my booze or not. i can. i just kept drinkin. then i went into the other room with my lesbian friend mandy and laid on meahgans bed. we talked. about everything. she lives in nashua so she doesnt know kristen or tashy or courtney or ANYONE. i explain everything to her and she gave advice as an outside party. it was perfect. i started to sober up and i got a call from courtney. she wanted to talk about stuff. and i didnt want to. so i stopped the convo and had some pizza. i got REALLY depressed and mullan new it. he was askin me whats wrong and shit, cuz i was spacin out. i was just staring he said. at the wall, the floor, the fridge, the beer. everything i just stared. he said i did it for an hour but i dont remember. they went out and got another 30 brick. and i had the house to myself. i sat around thinking. i finished off the rest of the beer that we had...like 5 0r 6. then i cried. i jus couldnt hold it. so i laid down and cried listening to less then jake. i heard them all come back and walk up the stairs so i stopped. i ran into the bathroom and wiped my eyes. as SOON as they put down the beer i cracked it open had 10 more and passed out in bed with mandy ( who was already asleep).
not the WHOLE night was depressing. that summary was just about the last 4 hours before i went to sleep. before that i was hyper. i was psyched to go drinking. i climbed on the roof and was all hyper. it was good. it wasnt untill i got like 25 beers in me that i got depressed. so i tried to sober up and thats where the story picks up (the one b4). yea idk why i posted all this. im just confused. who knows. i just need some time off. or more beer...
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses
courtney....*sigh* i dont even know what to do. im kinda avoiding talking to her. im afraid of what is gonna happen. i wish i could have told her instead of cailin cuz now it seems like i WASNT gonna tell her. idk if she knows but its not like i did it and moved on. when she didnt know i wouldnt make out with her. i was always sad around her. and i couldnt look her in the eyes. it was eating away at me. i was thinking of what to say and then she said she needed to talk to me about what cailin told her. im afraid to talk to her. i know im gonna get thrown away. i know that she isnt gonna be able to trust me. i need to talk to tashy about this tomorrow, cuz i started tonight and she gave me some good adivce. she looks at both sides and all outcomes. she can tell me what will happen if i jus dont talk to courtney, and she will tell me what will happen if i DO talk to courtney. tashy knows me. man shes a good friend. but i like NEVER talk to her. idk why it seems we both get tied up in our OWN lives and pretty much forgets the other exists. idk. i dont FORGET her. but we just never talk. i wanna change that this summer. i wanna talk to her all summer.
*sigh* idk what to do. i get so pissed at everything. i tried to drink it all away last night at the party. i heard bout ppl doin that. and while i was drinkin i felt older. i felt like 25. i was sittin round hte table with a 24 yr old chick and a 23 yr old guy, havin a serious mature convo. and they accepted me like i was their age. i had a bud in one hand and a cigg in the other and i felt good. i just kept drinkin and they told me to slow down. they dont know if i can hold my booze or not. i can. i just kept drinkin. then i went into the other room with my lesbian friend mandy and laid on meahgans bed. we talked. about everything. she lives in nashua so she doesnt know kristen or tashy or courtney or ANYONE. i explain everything to her and she gave advice as an outside party. it was perfect. i started to sober up and i got a call from courtney. she wanted to talk about stuff. and i didnt want to. so i stopped the convo and had some pizza. i got REALLY depressed and mullan new it. he was askin me whats wrong and shit, cuz i was spacin out. i was just staring he said. at the wall, the floor, the fridge, the beer. everything i just stared. he said i did it for an hour but i dont remember. they went out and got another 30 brick. and i had the house to myself. i sat around thinking. i finished off the rest of the beer that we had...like 5 0r 6. then i cried. i jus couldnt hold it. so i laid down and cried listening to less then jake. i heard them all come back and walk up the stairs so i stopped. i ran into the bathroom and wiped my eyes. as SOON as they put down the beer i cracked it open had 10 more and passed out in bed with mandy ( who was already asleep).
not the WHOLE night was depressing. that summary was just about the last 4 hours before i went to sleep. before that i was hyper. i was psyched to go drinking. i climbed on the roof and was all hyper. it was good. it wasnt untill i got like 25 beers in me that i got depressed. so i tried to sober up and thats where the story picks up (the one b4). yea idk why i posted all this. im just confused. who knows. i just need some time off. or more beer...
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses