Let's Play Pretend - chapter 5
A/N: We have a masterpost now (it lives on my tumblr sidebar, too) with links to all of the chapters and art in one place.
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Christmas is nice. Cooper comes home for three full days and even though Blaine's parents are on call, their phones stay blissfully silent for once, at least until they have to return to their usual shifts at the hospital. Once Christmas is over, however, the rest of the week drags as if it would never end, and Blaine knows exactly why that is.
He's feeling lonely. And not because Mike is away skiing with his parents - he has a feeling he would be restless and unfocused even with his oldest friend there. Blaine simply misses them, the duo that has become such an essential part of his life lately. The awareness of the thousands of miles between them is almost like a physical ache. They're too far to reach, and what makes it even worse, Blaine has no way to contact them at all until they come back.
By the time January 2nd rolls around, Blaine's room is cleaner than it has been in months, his CDs and DVDs neatly stacked and organized alphabetically, and a few of his favorite books reread again.
And when Rachel and Kurt come back, they come with a bang.
"How would you like to spend the evening with us tonight? Our parents won't be home until tomorrow."
Rachel, like the tease extraordinaire she is, whispers an invitation into Blaine's ear just as they are walking to their first class after Christmas break - and of course Blaine's focus is gone for the day, shifted towards things so much more interesting than classes.
His teachers are not impressed.
He sneaks to the Hummelberrys' back door as soon as it's dark enough to avoid the nosy neighbors' eyes, and minutes later he's upstairs, in the cozy attic bedroom, his arms full of Rachel who's kissing him enthusiastically. The way she looks tonight makes Blaine's mouth go dry - she's barefooted, her short white dress floaty and practically sheer, revealing the line of her panties and the shape of her breasts, bare and perky under the thin fabric. She's wearing more make-up than Blaine has ever seen on her, and it makes her look older, more refined. He's not sure if he likes it, actually. Her sweet, girly appearance is what caught his attention in the first place, and a big part of her charm. He wonders if she realizes that.
She kisses Blaine deep and dirty, overwhelming all his senses for a moment, only to laugh brightly and push him away and towards Kurt, who's standing quietly by his bed. And it's funny how clear the differences are between the two again. Kurt's embrace and his soft kiss are like a hello and I missed you, and it's good to have you back here, and any irrational anxiety Blaine may have had before coming here tonight, any fear that it would feel awkward and wrong after all this time and without the heady rush of post-performance adrenaline, melts into nothing. He's right where he wants to be, and he's wanted here.
There is so little time - always too little, just a few hours before he needs to go - so they don't lose any. One kiss leads to another, to a touch, a stroke, a moan, and soon Blaine is sitting on Kurt's bed, his shirt unbuttoned and his lap full of a hot, passionate, barely-clothed girl. She's straddling his thighs, her sinful lips exploring the side of his neck, and she wiggles a little when Blaine traces the shape of her breasts over flimsy fabric with shaky fingers. The fact that he's allowed to do this, and the way Rachel's nipples harden into tight buds under his reverent touch - it feels surreal and short-circuits his brain a little. So it's no wonder, really, that it takes him a long while to realize something is missing.
Or someone.
Once he does, however, Blaine twists to look around so fast that Rachel almost slips off his knees, letting out a disgruntled little squeak.
"Kurt?" He's not sure why the possibility of Kurt not being here fills him with something akin to panic, but it does. Then there's a warm hand on his shoulder and Blaine leans back to find a firm, solid body just inches behind him, strong arms embracing his waist the moment he melts into it.
"I'm right here. I didn't want to... interrupt the two of you."
"I wouldn't mind." Blaine is already mouthing at Kurt's neck, straining to get to his lips. In his lap, Rachel snorts with what sounds like a mixture of frustration and amusement.
Kurt leans into the kiss easily, his palms two centers of tingling heat against Blaine's bare stomach, but something feels off, there's tension in the air.
"What's wrong?" It's barely a whisper against Kurt's lips and Blaine is so glad that Rachel has just slid off his knees because Kurt doesn't exactly meet his eyes and Blaine needs to know why. He turns and kneels so that he's facing the other boy. "You are... distant?"
"I just... I don't know what I can... How much do you-" Kurt pauses and bites his lip. "I mean, we've only made out so far, but... if we went any further. Would it be okay? I don't want to freak you out, so -"
Blaine feels a wave of tenderness sweep through him as he cups Kurt's cheek and says with all the certainty he feels.
"You won't freak me out. I promise. I may never have thought I'd want to be with a boy before, but... it feels right. With you. It's what I want. All of it, eventually." He knows he's blushing, and the images behind the words make his brain melt a little, but he needs to make it clear. "So why don't we just... see where the evening takes us?"
It seems to be just the right thing to say because the next thing Blaine knows, he's down on his back with Kurt kissing him senseless, like he's been allowed air after being denied for way too long. Frankly, it feels that way to Blaine, too. He's fantasized about this moment for so long - every night since their last time like this, and having Kurt here, having them both close like this feels almost too good to be true.
Time disappears, irrelevant, as the only rhythm that counts is that of three heartbeats, the only sounds - the primal music of gasps and moans, and whispers of slowly discarded clothing. The light is dimmed, just a lamp standing in the corner of the room, illuminating the way their skin colors match and blend as they lay tangled on the bed, stripped down to their underwear - from Kurt's pure porcelain tones, through Rachel's creamy peach, to Blaine's own darker, olive hue. He catches their reflection in the mirrors of Kurt's closet door and gasps at how stunning they look together, and tries to etch this picture deep into his memory before Rachel's lips on his nipple distract him again.
Just like Blaine suspected, nothing they do that night feels even remotely like too much to him. In fact, it's Rachel who leaves the bed first, kissing them both sweetly before floating through the attic to disappear behind the partition. Blaine's hand has just found its way towards the bulge of Kurt's erection a few minutes earlier and he's absolutely sure the way Kurt is reacting to every stroke and press of his fingers must be the hottest thing in the whole universe.
He looks up briefly when Rachel leaves, covered by nothing but her lacy white panties and the dark curtain of her hair flowing freely halfway down her back. She looks stunning. But then Kurt presses even closer in the newly vacated space, his fingertips toying with the waistband of Blaine's boxer briefs, and there's no room in Blaine's thoughts anymore but for Kurt's breathless "Is this okay?" and his own "Yes, please yes."
They end up naked in the tangled sheets, sweaty and panting, but unwilling to put even an inch of space between their bodies any sooner than it's absolutely necessary, even when the stickiness of come over their skin turns into cold, uncomfortable mess. There's no telling when they get to be like this again, safe and content in the little bubble of them, and Blaine wishes there was a way to record this feeling and play it back when he needs it, complete with the soft warmth of Kurt's skin against his, the perfect sweetness of his kisses and the absolute happiness of lying together like this, too blissed out to move.
The next thing Blaine knows, there's someone singing nearby, a strong voice that he recognizes as Rachel's as soon as he's half-awake. Kurt is already stretching in his arms before nuzzling his face into the crook of Blaine's shoulder, flushed and adorably sleepy.
"That's her way of letting us know it's getting late, I guess. We must have dozed off." Kurt yawns like a kitten before calling towards the partition. "Thank you, Rach!"
"You're welcome." She sounds bright and chipper. "Are you awake now? Can I put the headphones back on?"
"Sure, we'll be up in a sec."
A few more minutes of kissing and it's time to go, and Blaine should probably regret falling asleep and losing almost an hour of time where they could have done more of... anything, really, except he can't regret falling asleep in Kurt's arms and waking up a kiss away from him. This was a part of their evening he'd never fantasized about, and yet discovered he loved it as much as the sex itself.
It's then that it actually hits him: he just had sex, didn't he? He's not sure what the definitions are when it's between two boys, but what they did tonight definitely felt like sex to him. Turning onto his street, puffing out little clouds of breath in the cold January air as he walks, he has to smile at the irony of the fact that West Side Story - if not Artie's comment directly - was the beginning of the strange, wild thing the three of them have now.
Maybe he should send Artie flowers.
It's late that night, when Blaine is lying in bed, wide awake and going through every detail of their evening in his head, when the realization comes, freezing the smile on his face.
Rachel never came back after she left the bed. She didn't even come to say goodnight, didn't peek from behind her partition, nothing. Was she offended? Mad at him? He got completely sidetracked, lost in Kurt, she must have felt ignored, left on her own when the two of them-
Oh god, he acted like a Neanderthal, didn't he? Completely neglecting her needs, forgetting all about her the second Kurt's hand was on his cock, and - even worse! - falling asleep afterwards, while she sat there, alone and unsatisfied. No girl would tolerate such behavior, and rightfully so - and Rachel, with her rather tempestuous, dramatic tendencies... God, she'll never forgive him, will she? And if she won't, what about Kurt? Will he at least still talk to Blaine? Or did he just lose them both because he was thinking with his dick instead of his brain?
Blaine can barely sleep that night. He can just watch the digits on his alarm clock push the hours forward as he lies awake, worrying and analyzing, dreading the morning. They've become so important to him, he has no idea how he could function without them in his life anymore. Slowly and surely, over the last two months they'd become his friends, his lovers, the most important people in his life. Rachel's laughter, Kurt's voice, every smile and expression and gesture, it's all so tightly woven into the fabric of Blaine's life now that he can't imagine it gone and when he tries, it feels like he's suffocating.
But what's the chance that the three of them would be alright? He will grovel and apologize and beg Rachel to forgive him, he will promise to do better next time - if he's allowed a next time. Oh please, let him be allowed another time...
But god, he has no idea what he's doing. He's never been with anyone, sexually or not, what made him think he could handle a relationship with two people, and such exceptional ones? He was clearly delusional, thinking he could be what they need.
For the first time since November, Blaine finds himself completely unmotivated to get out of bed in the morning. He does anyway. He needs to talk to Rachel - probably to both of them, if they'll even want to talk - and there's no better time than before classes start.
Rachel and Kurt are standing next to Blaine's locker when he arrives, deep in a conversation, and it sends his heart into a stuttering gallop - are they talking about him? Deciding what to do, how to end it, clean and fast? His feet slow down without his conscious decision, as if trying to postpone the inevitable, but he's so close - too close - and maybe he could turn away and flee, hide, disappear, maybe they wouldn't notice-
Just then they look around and - yeah, it's too late now, they've noticed him already.
They've noticed - and they're smiling. Brightly, happily, and there's tenderness in Kurt's eyes, unhidden affection still lingering since last night, and this alone warms Blaine to the bone, soothes his nerves, but - Rachel's smiling too. No anger in her face, no pouting or scowling, no sign of trouble at all.
Blaine doesn't understand.
He didn't bring coffee this morning, not sure it wouldn't be thrown in his face if Rachel was feeling particularly dramatic (and yes, now, in the light of day, he does recognize how ridiculously over the top some of his night fears were), but he gestures towards the empty classroom anyway.
"Can we talk?"
Now they look worried, and really, Blaine needs to get this sorted out in his head because right now, he has no idea where he stands with them.
"Are you mad at me?" he turns to Rachel as soon as they're settled in their seats.
Her eyebrows rise in surprise. "Why would I be mad at you, Blaine?"
"Last night. I... I got distracted - wonderfully distracted, but I didn't pay you enough attention, no attention really, and you left, and I'm sorry, I should have, but I was - it was -"
A brush of cool fingers over his hand makes him pause.
Kurt is looking at him with something warm and soft in his face, and Rachel is shaking her head, eyes wide.
"Oh no, honey, did you worry about it all night? Is that why you look so tired? Of course I'm not mad, I have no reason to be mad at you." She glances around to make sure they are still alone and continues quietly. "I left because you boys looked like you had it covered, you didn't need me there, did you? Believe me, I would have gotten your attention if I wanted to." She smirks, sassy and confident. "I just decided it was time to call it a night. It was my decision, you did nothing wrong. And it will most likely happen again next time, so-" She shrugs and smiles. "Are you okay with that?"
He can barely think beyond next time, there will be a next time, but he nods emphatically. "Yes." There's still worry lingering in the back of his mind though. "But. Shouldn't we... have some rules? For when we're alone? Because I feel like I made a terrible faux pas and you say it was okay, and clearly my instincts are completely off here and I get carried away and I don't know- I just don't want to offend either of you, ever, but I don't know what I'm doing."
It's Kurt who answers this time, earnest and understanding. "Do you need rules? Because we can make some up if you do, but maybe... Can we just do what feels right and promise to talk if something doesn't?"
Rachel nods in agreement and supplies, "I mean, Kurt and I don't go beyond a certain comfort zone with each other, and I can't lose my virginity, but other than that -" Blaine feels his jaw drop and Rachel frowns. "What?"
"I thought... you two..."
There's a moment of confusion; Kurt gets it first and chuckles. "You thought we were having sex? Oh god, Blaine, no! There's a limit, you know. She may not be my real sister, but nope. No actual sex."
"But you seem so experienced! And with what you said about getting in trouble in LA, I thought-" Blaine's head is still reeling with this newest discovery, and it's probably awfully rude and completely ungentlemanly to say things like this, but he can't seem to control his mouth right now. Thankfully, they both laugh before Kurt explains.
"Oh, she got some experience in LA - we both did, I guess, with a couple of girls from our old school. It was nothing as wild as you probably imagine though. Remember how our parents are, they really didn't need much to call it trouble. Truth be told, they thought it was me who set it up and Rachel was just covering for me. It would have gone way worse if they knew otherwise."
"So they're... homophobic?" They rarely talk about their parents and Blaine just wants to know, sometimes, certain it would help him understand better.
Kurt gets more serious now. "In their own way, yes. Let's say that... they think it's a question of choice, and it's as treatable as it is unnatural. They believe in sending gay people to those therapies that are supposed to make them straight, for their own good, of course. So... yeah. Coming out is not an option."
"I prefer boys, though. I just wanted to experiment." Rachel adds with a smile. They both look so calm even though Blaine's skin is crawling at the thought of such ignorance and what it must feel like for them to live with it every day.
The warning bell cuts their conversation short as the rest of the class starts to fill the room. Rachel shoots Blaine one last smile before turning to take out her books. "So, you're still interested, now that you know all that?"
"Absolutely." And he is, probably even more so. Before, he felt a little like a clueless child in comparison to what he thought Kurt and Rachel knew and experienced. Now that he knows they're on fairly even ground, it feels even sweeter, more precious. They're figuring things out together. It feels like a gift.
That second evening alone seems to be the confirmed, tangible proof that they really are more than good friends. It's like crossing a line that lets them be more - more open, more daring, both platonically and not.
They start taking some risks that - objectively - they definitely shouldn't take: whispering private little thoughts in the hallways or even in class, ones that make them blush and grin for long minutes afterwards. Meeting with Kurt in the boys restroom once, then in a janitor's closet with Rachel, to trade hurried kisses. Wandering off to hide under the bleachers during a free period, seeking privacy.
They're playing with fire.
But there's more than that: Blaine feels like he can be more open with them as a friend now. For the first time he dares to ask questions about their personal lives, things that have been bothering him for some time - no longer afraid they might shut him out for being nosy. He's still careful about his wording, though - he knows they're both fiercely proud, and definitely doesn't want to offend them. But he has his observations, his guesses.
They always walk to school instead of driving, no matter the weather; always bring their own lunch, and Blaine suspects it's not just because it's healthy and organic, like Kurt states. Their clothes are varied and amazing, but surprisingly, always complemented by the same few pairs of shoes.
So no, he doesn't ask if there are money troubles in their family. But he offers them a ride home one particularly freezing January afternoon, and it's a standing invitation from then on, one they accept every now and then. He brings them coffee three times a week, just because he can, and besides, Kurt's morning pastries have become a standard lately. He finally asks why they have no cell phones or computers - a fact that's so unusual it's been on his mind for months now - and learns it's part of their parents' plan to keep them in check after the LA "trouble".
He tells them more about himself, too - how his parents never seem to have enough time for anything, so their house and their life is always a little crazy, a bit off-balance, though never lacking love or care. How Cooper is sometimes so full of himself it grates on everyone's nerves, but Blaine loves him dearly. About his childhood memories and his future dreams. About everything, really, and sometimes he feels like maybe he shouldn't when the siblings' eyes grow a bit melancholy, but they always ask anyway, so he talks.
It feels so good to be able to talk so freely, without wondering about what he should and shouldn't say. He's so much closer to Rachel and Kurt now, in every way - and every day, every conversation and stolen kiss, every smile and every little thing he learns about them only deepens Blaine's infatuation.
"You look lovely today," Blaine says in lieu of a greeting as he approaches his locker one morning, Rachel twirling in front of it. The navy dress she is wearing despite the cruel cold outside falls just above her knees and is as modest as all of her school clothes - no low necklines or risky cuts - but it's perfectly fitted on her, the skirt of it flowing gracefully around her slender legs as she turns around once more and bows, beaming.
"Thank you! Kurt did an amazing job on it, didn't he?"
"Kurt?" Blaine glances between them, incomprehensive.
"Well yes. He makes or fits most of our clothes, didn't he tell you? He's kind of a fashion prodigy."
Kurt looks bashful where he's leaning against a locker, cheeks pink and eyes trained on the floor, and Blaine smiles, another mystery of the siblings solved.
"Wow. That's... really impressive." He says in an awed voice. "You two are always so well-dressed, I never would have guessed-"
"Pff." Kurt looks at him with a smirk. "Of course custom-made clothes look better than off the rack, Blaine. But thank you. I like to think I'm pretty good at it."
"So do all of his fans on etsy." Rachel singsongs, and Kurt shushes her, glaring. She winks at Blaine, nonplussed, and adds in a stage whisper. "But shh, it's a secret."
"Of course." He smiles at Kurt, his curiosity peaked. "So are you planning a career in fashion then?"
He's not sure what he said wrong, but Kurt's expression changes at that, closing off like a shutter.
"I... I don't know yet. Time will tell." He shrugs and plasters an overly bright smile on his face. "So what are you planning for this week's Glee assignment?"
Closer or not, Blaine knows when not to push.
"So, is he taken?" Sugar, a willowy freshman who joined them after Sectionals plops down on the chair next to Blaine one day, at the beginning of February. He startles, hastily looking away from where Kurt is standing up front, laughing at something Mike said, with his head thrown back and the long line of his throat exposed.
"What? Who?"
Sugar laughs brightly and shakes her head. "Kurt Hummelberry, of course. Is there some girlfriend waiting in LA?"
Okay, everyone is long used to Blaine being the Hummelberrys' best friend, but still -
"Kurt? Really?"
Sugar lets out a long-suffering sigh. "I know, of course you don't understand, you only have eyes for Rachel." Blaine opens his mouth - to say what, he's not even sure - but she chatters on. "But Kurt... we were wondering, with the girls. Yum, he's hot."
Blaine shuts his mouth with a click. Of course he is, no one knows it better than Blaine, but - "Seriously?"
Sugar shrugs. "You can't see it, I know. But look at him." She actually turns his face toward the front where Kurt is now trying to mimic some dance move Mike is showing him, one that involves a lot of swaying hips, fuck. "Look. His face, his eyes, his arms. His ass, Blaine. And those lips were made for kissing, I'm sure of it. Not to mention, have you seen any other guy at this school who looks as classy? I mean, you're not bad, but Kurt... So. Is he? Taken?"
Blaine has to shake his head a little to clear it from the images that he prefers not to think about unless he's alone. "Um. Not that I know of." He isn't. Technically.
Sugar bounces a little. "Excellent. I'll tell the girls." She pauses, then adds. "She's totally not into you, by the way. Rachel, I mean. She's not interested romantically, believe me, I have a sixth sense about those things. You're welcome."
And with that, she skips away, leaving Blaine with his mouth open and his mind reeling.
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CHAPTER ART BY HACHI (click!)
Oh, Sugar...
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Christmas is nice. Cooper comes home for three full days and even though Blaine's parents are on call, their phones stay blissfully silent for once, at least until they have to return to their usual shifts at the hospital. Once Christmas is over, however, the rest of the week drags as if it would never end, and Blaine knows exactly why that is.
He's feeling lonely. And not because Mike is away skiing with his parents - he has a feeling he would be restless and unfocused even with his oldest friend there. Blaine simply misses them, the duo that has become such an essential part of his life lately. The awareness of the thousands of miles between them is almost like a physical ache. They're too far to reach, and what makes it even worse, Blaine has no way to contact them at all until they come back.
By the time January 2nd rolls around, Blaine's room is cleaner than it has been in months, his CDs and DVDs neatly stacked and organized alphabetically, and a few of his favorite books reread again.
And when Rachel and Kurt come back, they come with a bang.
"How would you like to spend the evening with us tonight? Our parents won't be home until tomorrow."
Rachel, like the tease extraordinaire she is, whispers an invitation into Blaine's ear just as they are walking to their first class after Christmas break - and of course Blaine's focus is gone for the day, shifted towards things so much more interesting than classes.
His teachers are not impressed.
He sneaks to the Hummelberrys' back door as soon as it's dark enough to avoid the nosy neighbors' eyes, and minutes later he's upstairs, in the cozy attic bedroom, his arms full of Rachel who's kissing him enthusiastically. The way she looks tonight makes Blaine's mouth go dry - she's barefooted, her short white dress floaty and practically sheer, revealing the line of her panties and the shape of her breasts, bare and perky under the thin fabric. She's wearing more make-up than Blaine has ever seen on her, and it makes her look older, more refined. He's not sure if he likes it, actually. Her sweet, girly appearance is what caught his attention in the first place, and a big part of her charm. He wonders if she realizes that.
She kisses Blaine deep and dirty, overwhelming all his senses for a moment, only to laugh brightly and push him away and towards Kurt, who's standing quietly by his bed. And it's funny how clear the differences are between the two again. Kurt's embrace and his soft kiss are like a hello and I missed you, and it's good to have you back here, and any irrational anxiety Blaine may have had before coming here tonight, any fear that it would feel awkward and wrong after all this time and without the heady rush of post-performance adrenaline, melts into nothing. He's right where he wants to be, and he's wanted here.
There is so little time - always too little, just a few hours before he needs to go - so they don't lose any. One kiss leads to another, to a touch, a stroke, a moan, and soon Blaine is sitting on Kurt's bed, his shirt unbuttoned and his lap full of a hot, passionate, barely-clothed girl. She's straddling his thighs, her sinful lips exploring the side of his neck, and she wiggles a little when Blaine traces the shape of her breasts over flimsy fabric with shaky fingers. The fact that he's allowed to do this, and the way Rachel's nipples harden into tight buds under his reverent touch - it feels surreal and short-circuits his brain a little. So it's no wonder, really, that it takes him a long while to realize something is missing.
Or someone.
Once he does, however, Blaine twists to look around so fast that Rachel almost slips off his knees, letting out a disgruntled little squeak.
"Kurt?" He's not sure why the possibility of Kurt not being here fills him with something akin to panic, but it does. Then there's a warm hand on his shoulder and Blaine leans back to find a firm, solid body just inches behind him, strong arms embracing his waist the moment he melts into it.
"I'm right here. I didn't want to... interrupt the two of you."
"I wouldn't mind." Blaine is already mouthing at Kurt's neck, straining to get to his lips. In his lap, Rachel snorts with what sounds like a mixture of frustration and amusement.
Kurt leans into the kiss easily, his palms two centers of tingling heat against Blaine's bare stomach, but something feels off, there's tension in the air.
"What's wrong?" It's barely a whisper against Kurt's lips and Blaine is so glad that Rachel has just slid off his knees because Kurt doesn't exactly meet his eyes and Blaine needs to know why. He turns and kneels so that he's facing the other boy. "You are... distant?"
"I just... I don't know what I can... How much do you-" Kurt pauses and bites his lip. "I mean, we've only made out so far, but... if we went any further. Would it be okay? I don't want to freak you out, so -"
Blaine feels a wave of tenderness sweep through him as he cups Kurt's cheek and says with all the certainty he feels.
"You won't freak me out. I promise. I may never have thought I'd want to be with a boy before, but... it feels right. With you. It's what I want. All of it, eventually." He knows he's blushing, and the images behind the words make his brain melt a little, but he needs to make it clear. "So why don't we just... see where the evening takes us?"
It seems to be just the right thing to say because the next thing Blaine knows, he's down on his back with Kurt kissing him senseless, like he's been allowed air after being denied for way too long. Frankly, it feels that way to Blaine, too. He's fantasized about this moment for so long - every night since their last time like this, and having Kurt here, having them both close like this feels almost too good to be true.
Time disappears, irrelevant, as the only rhythm that counts is that of three heartbeats, the only sounds - the primal music of gasps and moans, and whispers of slowly discarded clothing. The light is dimmed, just a lamp standing in the corner of the room, illuminating the way their skin colors match and blend as they lay tangled on the bed, stripped down to their underwear - from Kurt's pure porcelain tones, through Rachel's creamy peach, to Blaine's own darker, olive hue. He catches their reflection in the mirrors of Kurt's closet door and gasps at how stunning they look together, and tries to etch this picture deep into his memory before Rachel's lips on his nipple distract him again.
Just like Blaine suspected, nothing they do that night feels even remotely like too much to him. In fact, it's Rachel who leaves the bed first, kissing them both sweetly before floating through the attic to disappear behind the partition. Blaine's hand has just found its way towards the bulge of Kurt's erection a few minutes earlier and he's absolutely sure the way Kurt is reacting to every stroke and press of his fingers must be the hottest thing in the whole universe.
He looks up briefly when Rachel leaves, covered by nothing but her lacy white panties and the dark curtain of her hair flowing freely halfway down her back. She looks stunning. But then Kurt presses even closer in the newly vacated space, his fingertips toying with the waistband of Blaine's boxer briefs, and there's no room in Blaine's thoughts anymore but for Kurt's breathless "Is this okay?" and his own "Yes, please yes."
They end up naked in the tangled sheets, sweaty and panting, but unwilling to put even an inch of space between their bodies any sooner than it's absolutely necessary, even when the stickiness of come over their skin turns into cold, uncomfortable mess. There's no telling when they get to be like this again, safe and content in the little bubble of them, and Blaine wishes there was a way to record this feeling and play it back when he needs it, complete with the soft warmth of Kurt's skin against his, the perfect sweetness of his kisses and the absolute happiness of lying together like this, too blissed out to move.
The next thing Blaine knows, there's someone singing nearby, a strong voice that he recognizes as Rachel's as soon as he's half-awake. Kurt is already stretching in his arms before nuzzling his face into the crook of Blaine's shoulder, flushed and adorably sleepy.
"That's her way of letting us know it's getting late, I guess. We must have dozed off." Kurt yawns like a kitten before calling towards the partition. "Thank you, Rach!"
"You're welcome." She sounds bright and chipper. "Are you awake now? Can I put the headphones back on?"
"Sure, we'll be up in a sec."
A few more minutes of kissing and it's time to go, and Blaine should probably regret falling asleep and losing almost an hour of time where they could have done more of... anything, really, except he can't regret falling asleep in Kurt's arms and waking up a kiss away from him. This was a part of their evening he'd never fantasized about, and yet discovered he loved it as much as the sex itself.
It's then that it actually hits him: he just had sex, didn't he? He's not sure what the definitions are when it's between two boys, but what they did tonight definitely felt like sex to him. Turning onto his street, puffing out little clouds of breath in the cold January air as he walks, he has to smile at the irony of the fact that West Side Story - if not Artie's comment directly - was the beginning of the strange, wild thing the three of them have now.
Maybe he should send Artie flowers.
It's late that night, when Blaine is lying in bed, wide awake and going through every detail of their evening in his head, when the realization comes, freezing the smile on his face.
Rachel never came back after she left the bed. She didn't even come to say goodnight, didn't peek from behind her partition, nothing. Was she offended? Mad at him? He got completely sidetracked, lost in Kurt, she must have felt ignored, left on her own when the two of them-
Oh god, he acted like a Neanderthal, didn't he? Completely neglecting her needs, forgetting all about her the second Kurt's hand was on his cock, and - even worse! - falling asleep afterwards, while she sat there, alone and unsatisfied. No girl would tolerate such behavior, and rightfully so - and Rachel, with her rather tempestuous, dramatic tendencies... God, she'll never forgive him, will she? And if she won't, what about Kurt? Will he at least still talk to Blaine? Or did he just lose them both because he was thinking with his dick instead of his brain?
Blaine can barely sleep that night. He can just watch the digits on his alarm clock push the hours forward as he lies awake, worrying and analyzing, dreading the morning. They've become so important to him, he has no idea how he could function without them in his life anymore. Slowly and surely, over the last two months they'd become his friends, his lovers, the most important people in his life. Rachel's laughter, Kurt's voice, every smile and expression and gesture, it's all so tightly woven into the fabric of Blaine's life now that he can't imagine it gone and when he tries, it feels like he's suffocating.
But what's the chance that the three of them would be alright? He will grovel and apologize and beg Rachel to forgive him, he will promise to do better next time - if he's allowed a next time. Oh please, let him be allowed another time...
But god, he has no idea what he's doing. He's never been with anyone, sexually or not, what made him think he could handle a relationship with two people, and such exceptional ones? He was clearly delusional, thinking he could be what they need.
For the first time since November, Blaine finds himself completely unmotivated to get out of bed in the morning. He does anyway. He needs to talk to Rachel - probably to both of them, if they'll even want to talk - and there's no better time than before classes start.
Rachel and Kurt are standing next to Blaine's locker when he arrives, deep in a conversation, and it sends his heart into a stuttering gallop - are they talking about him? Deciding what to do, how to end it, clean and fast? His feet slow down without his conscious decision, as if trying to postpone the inevitable, but he's so close - too close - and maybe he could turn away and flee, hide, disappear, maybe they wouldn't notice-
Just then they look around and - yeah, it's too late now, they've noticed him already.
They've noticed - and they're smiling. Brightly, happily, and there's tenderness in Kurt's eyes, unhidden affection still lingering since last night, and this alone warms Blaine to the bone, soothes his nerves, but - Rachel's smiling too. No anger in her face, no pouting or scowling, no sign of trouble at all.
Blaine doesn't understand.
He didn't bring coffee this morning, not sure it wouldn't be thrown in his face if Rachel was feeling particularly dramatic (and yes, now, in the light of day, he does recognize how ridiculously over the top some of his night fears were), but he gestures towards the empty classroom anyway.
"Can we talk?"
Now they look worried, and really, Blaine needs to get this sorted out in his head because right now, he has no idea where he stands with them.
"Are you mad at me?" he turns to Rachel as soon as they're settled in their seats.
Her eyebrows rise in surprise. "Why would I be mad at you, Blaine?"
"Last night. I... I got distracted - wonderfully distracted, but I didn't pay you enough attention, no attention really, and you left, and I'm sorry, I should have, but I was - it was -"
A brush of cool fingers over his hand makes him pause.
Kurt is looking at him with something warm and soft in his face, and Rachel is shaking her head, eyes wide.
"Oh no, honey, did you worry about it all night? Is that why you look so tired? Of course I'm not mad, I have no reason to be mad at you." She glances around to make sure they are still alone and continues quietly. "I left because you boys looked like you had it covered, you didn't need me there, did you? Believe me, I would have gotten your attention if I wanted to." She smirks, sassy and confident. "I just decided it was time to call it a night. It was my decision, you did nothing wrong. And it will most likely happen again next time, so-" She shrugs and smiles. "Are you okay with that?"
He can barely think beyond next time, there will be a next time, but he nods emphatically. "Yes." There's still worry lingering in the back of his mind though. "But. Shouldn't we... have some rules? For when we're alone? Because I feel like I made a terrible faux pas and you say it was okay, and clearly my instincts are completely off here and I get carried away and I don't know- I just don't want to offend either of you, ever, but I don't know what I'm doing."
It's Kurt who answers this time, earnest and understanding. "Do you need rules? Because we can make some up if you do, but maybe... Can we just do what feels right and promise to talk if something doesn't?"
Rachel nods in agreement and supplies, "I mean, Kurt and I don't go beyond a certain comfort zone with each other, and I can't lose my virginity, but other than that -" Blaine feels his jaw drop and Rachel frowns. "What?"
"I thought... you two..."
There's a moment of confusion; Kurt gets it first and chuckles. "You thought we were having sex? Oh god, Blaine, no! There's a limit, you know. She may not be my real sister, but nope. No actual sex."
"But you seem so experienced! And with what you said about getting in trouble in LA, I thought-" Blaine's head is still reeling with this newest discovery, and it's probably awfully rude and completely ungentlemanly to say things like this, but he can't seem to control his mouth right now. Thankfully, they both laugh before Kurt explains.
"Oh, she got some experience in LA - we both did, I guess, with a couple of girls from our old school. It was nothing as wild as you probably imagine though. Remember how our parents are, they really didn't need much to call it trouble. Truth be told, they thought it was me who set it up and Rachel was just covering for me. It would have gone way worse if they knew otherwise."
"So they're... homophobic?" They rarely talk about their parents and Blaine just wants to know, sometimes, certain it would help him understand better.
Kurt gets more serious now. "In their own way, yes. Let's say that... they think it's a question of choice, and it's as treatable as it is unnatural. They believe in sending gay people to those therapies that are supposed to make them straight, for their own good, of course. So... yeah. Coming out is not an option."
"I prefer boys, though. I just wanted to experiment." Rachel adds with a smile. They both look so calm even though Blaine's skin is crawling at the thought of such ignorance and what it must feel like for them to live with it every day.
The warning bell cuts their conversation short as the rest of the class starts to fill the room. Rachel shoots Blaine one last smile before turning to take out her books. "So, you're still interested, now that you know all that?"
"Absolutely." And he is, probably even more so. Before, he felt a little like a clueless child in comparison to what he thought Kurt and Rachel knew and experienced. Now that he knows they're on fairly even ground, it feels even sweeter, more precious. They're figuring things out together. It feels like a gift.
That second evening alone seems to be the confirmed, tangible proof that they really are more than good friends. It's like crossing a line that lets them be more - more open, more daring, both platonically and not.
They start taking some risks that - objectively - they definitely shouldn't take: whispering private little thoughts in the hallways or even in class, ones that make them blush and grin for long minutes afterwards. Meeting with Kurt in the boys restroom once, then in a janitor's closet with Rachel, to trade hurried kisses. Wandering off to hide under the bleachers during a free period, seeking privacy.
They're playing with fire.
But there's more than that: Blaine feels like he can be more open with them as a friend now. For the first time he dares to ask questions about their personal lives, things that have been bothering him for some time - no longer afraid they might shut him out for being nosy. He's still careful about his wording, though - he knows they're both fiercely proud, and definitely doesn't want to offend them. But he has his observations, his guesses.
They always walk to school instead of driving, no matter the weather; always bring their own lunch, and Blaine suspects it's not just because it's healthy and organic, like Kurt states. Their clothes are varied and amazing, but surprisingly, always complemented by the same few pairs of shoes.
So no, he doesn't ask if there are money troubles in their family. But he offers them a ride home one particularly freezing January afternoon, and it's a standing invitation from then on, one they accept every now and then. He brings them coffee three times a week, just because he can, and besides, Kurt's morning pastries have become a standard lately. He finally asks why they have no cell phones or computers - a fact that's so unusual it's been on his mind for months now - and learns it's part of their parents' plan to keep them in check after the LA "trouble".
He tells them more about himself, too - how his parents never seem to have enough time for anything, so their house and their life is always a little crazy, a bit off-balance, though never lacking love or care. How Cooper is sometimes so full of himself it grates on everyone's nerves, but Blaine loves him dearly. About his childhood memories and his future dreams. About everything, really, and sometimes he feels like maybe he shouldn't when the siblings' eyes grow a bit melancholy, but they always ask anyway, so he talks.
It feels so good to be able to talk so freely, without wondering about what he should and shouldn't say. He's so much closer to Rachel and Kurt now, in every way - and every day, every conversation and stolen kiss, every smile and every little thing he learns about them only deepens Blaine's infatuation.
"You look lovely today," Blaine says in lieu of a greeting as he approaches his locker one morning, Rachel twirling in front of it. The navy dress she is wearing despite the cruel cold outside falls just above her knees and is as modest as all of her school clothes - no low necklines or risky cuts - but it's perfectly fitted on her, the skirt of it flowing gracefully around her slender legs as she turns around once more and bows, beaming.
"Thank you! Kurt did an amazing job on it, didn't he?"
"Kurt?" Blaine glances between them, incomprehensive.
"Well yes. He makes or fits most of our clothes, didn't he tell you? He's kind of a fashion prodigy."
Kurt looks bashful where he's leaning against a locker, cheeks pink and eyes trained on the floor, and Blaine smiles, another mystery of the siblings solved.
"Wow. That's... really impressive." He says in an awed voice. "You two are always so well-dressed, I never would have guessed-"
"Pff." Kurt looks at him with a smirk. "Of course custom-made clothes look better than off the rack, Blaine. But thank you. I like to think I'm pretty good at it."
"So do all of his fans on etsy." Rachel singsongs, and Kurt shushes her, glaring. She winks at Blaine, nonplussed, and adds in a stage whisper. "But shh, it's a secret."
"Of course." He smiles at Kurt, his curiosity peaked. "So are you planning a career in fashion then?"
He's not sure what he said wrong, but Kurt's expression changes at that, closing off like a shutter.
"I... I don't know yet. Time will tell." He shrugs and plasters an overly bright smile on his face. "So what are you planning for this week's Glee assignment?"
Closer or not, Blaine knows when not to push.
"So, is he taken?" Sugar, a willowy freshman who joined them after Sectionals plops down on the chair next to Blaine one day, at the beginning of February. He startles, hastily looking away from where Kurt is standing up front, laughing at something Mike said, with his head thrown back and the long line of his throat exposed.
"What? Who?"
Sugar laughs brightly and shakes her head. "Kurt Hummelberry, of course. Is there some girlfriend waiting in LA?"
Okay, everyone is long used to Blaine being the Hummelberrys' best friend, but still -
"Kurt? Really?"
Sugar lets out a long-suffering sigh. "I know, of course you don't understand, you only have eyes for Rachel." Blaine opens his mouth - to say what, he's not even sure - but she chatters on. "But Kurt... we were wondering, with the girls. Yum, he's hot."
Blaine shuts his mouth with a click. Of course he is, no one knows it better than Blaine, but - "Seriously?"
Sugar shrugs. "You can't see it, I know. But look at him." She actually turns his face toward the front where Kurt is now trying to mimic some dance move Mike is showing him, one that involves a lot of swaying hips, fuck. "Look. His face, his eyes, his arms. His ass, Blaine. And those lips were made for kissing, I'm sure of it. Not to mention, have you seen any other guy at this school who looks as classy? I mean, you're not bad, but Kurt... So. Is he? Taken?"
Blaine has to shake his head a little to clear it from the images that he prefers not to think about unless he's alone. "Um. Not that I know of." He isn't. Technically.
Sugar bounces a little. "Excellent. I'll tell the girls." She pauses, then adds. "She's totally not into you, by the way. Rachel, I mean. She's not interested romantically, believe me, I have a sixth sense about those things. You're welcome."
And with that, she skips away, leaving Blaine with his mouth open and his mind reeling.
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CHAPTER ART BY HACHI (click!)
Oh, Sugar...