I'm starting to sound like Carrie Bradshaw...
Happy birthday Mary-Kate and Ashley, and happy half birthday to me. Ugh. I soo don't want to be 23. I'm not nearly mature enough, and I've only had one REAL relationship...which was a disaster.
Anyways, went out on a date with a guy we'll call J last night. Wanna see?
Cute right? I think so. He's my age, and it's sooo weird dating guys my age. I feel about a thousand years older, but it's also kind of fun. I danced and got drunk all night...entertained everybody. I felt like a star, and we're going out again tomorrow. If I can just NOT sleep with this one and have just a fun,normal friendship/datingship/whatever...I'll be proud of myself for once.
J2 is GORGEOUS, but he annoys me. I've slept with him, and he also sucks. Just for kicks...here he is:
Oh, and I slept with this guy (NEVER AGAIN!). He's the one who fucked me like ...what did I say? A jackhammer?
I have some stuff to write about Matt too, but I'm at work, and being watched so later...I promise! Check back :)
Okay, as promised, I have some more to say. My boss told me that I was fine when I first left Matt...happy with the decision, not missing him, and she was right. As nice as he was, it just wasn't there. Anyway, she said the only reason I'm upset now is cause I'm letting him cross boundaries...aka calling me when I ask him not to, etc. So...I've just gotta put him out of my life. No phone calls, nothing. I don't really love him...I'm just convincing myself I do. I HAVE CONTROL OVER THIS and over my emotions, NOT HIM. Nobody can hurt me...unless I let them! Tonight is gonna be fun :) I need to just stop worrying about "falling in love" and just date (cause he's a paying :) and have fun!!! My other boss thinks that's awful...to use guys for dates, but I don't. I think ti's just a damn good time, and they'd use our body in a second if we let em. I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH JUSTIN. I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH JUSTIN. Why do I have the feeling my next journal entry will begin with..."I had sex with Justin." ha ha..seriously, I can do this. I'm worth more than a cheap lay!