Once someone ask why I dont post more..
Because no one ever reads this..so why bother...I mean really...that person might leave a message every few months..but...he has friends in here he leaves messages too daily or close to..seems pointless..to write to myself..I know..me after all...myspace and xanga ppl write to me..leave comments..interesting phenomena..I am so totally ignored in here..well..I believe in signs...this is a sign...I have been on here..who knows how long and only one person ...once in a great while leaves a comment...if someone is invisible ( like being dead and not knowing it in a room full of non clairvoyant people.) then...like in Our Town..She finally "gets it" dead..she is dead..dead....not really here...Nope not whinning..my mother abused me and my father enabled her..do I hate them..no..anger left a while ago...I miss her on mothers day..because she is dead..I have no one..not even an aunt of good older friend who has children to send a mothers day card too...well I have one aunt and she calls me faithfully on my fathers bd and his death day...march 23...it hurts too much to send her a card because I have no one else to send one too..She would like it...I should send one to her for that* having lunch with her friday I think with cousins...I think...maybe..at least some people in here have mothers they can boycott..that wont always be the case..they will die..then there is a void..unexpectedly..a void no matter what we percieve that they did to us...or really did..I dont think anyone really believes me anyway about what she did to me..does it matter..only a little..why would I want to create something like that...there really was no secondary gain from it..my friends from childhood went into fast and deep* denial...my friends as adults..more often than not feel threatened...( like they could fix it if they wanted too ha**) no way..and never ask me questions about how I feel..about that..or the rapes..or...or..and recently one friend began to hurl epitaphs at me ie.."You'er a Communist"...Humm..and " You don't know what your talking about"...hummm..did he miss "bleeding heart liberal "? if not I sense it not far way and it makes me very very sad he thinks in such slogan like phrases..it hurts my heart that he would call me things he feels are insults...I thought he was more sensitive than that..I started my anti-ds again this week..I too feel very very alone...in the midst of the illusion of surroundedness...so will answer this silly quiz no one will read and probably shut down this site next week...
so cienwyn will have no competion in the name dept and I wont have to wonder if anyone read this..smiles...like there was ever a doubt...I know they don't..a waste of my time...so read on for the unadulterated truth as I trust it flies into obvlivions eyes...torn out by their own angst*
1. My uncle once:
Was the Sheriff of a modest sized town for a year.
2. Never in my life:
I think I did it all..at some point..so N/A
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile:
...................no one
4. High School was:
A place I suffered through and others thought I was popular..ha*
6. My first real love was:
Emphasis on Real..G.L.R.
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be:
The sunshine ..the sand and the ocean's eternal shifting tides..
8. I talk to my ex's:
Never
9. When I was 5.
I taught myself to skip on Thanksgiving Day..I wore a yellow dress and sandals..It was a happy day.
10. Last Christmas:
Was perhaps the last..it was good..and horrible in a way I never want repeated..I usually get what I wish for and looks like I got it..no next..
11. When I turn my head left, I see:
A map of Narnia on the wall in front of my wardrobe
11. When I turn my head right, I see:
The Dish Network hardware two lamps a phone a clock and about 50 malas and rosaries of every sort of material ..stone..wood..plastic..and from many different places..Ireland..Italy..Chez Republic..Tibet..Nepal..Santa Clara Res in New Mexico, Brazil, I collect them..or I did..
13. The craziest Family Event was:
Last Christmas when the stove died and all the cooks had mental and emotional meltdowns and I wished "Never again" ...the men took over and between bachelor pad ovens and bar b que warm ups..everyone ate..but..something broke that day..inside of me..
14. If I was a character on Friends I'd be:
.........my friends dont have characters that I know of..N/A..the only one has batman and I pass thanks anyhow
15. By this time next year:
The world will have spun round the zodiac again*
16. My favorite Aunt is: dead
17. I have a hard time understanding:
The silence all around me
18. One time at a family gathering:
I was molested as a child..I know I know..let it go already...but hey it asked*
19. You know I "like" you if:
I ask how you are feeling doing etc..I dont ask if I dont care
20. If I won an award, the first person(people) I'd thank is:
Whoever gives me the award..duh!Poli Psc 101
21. Take my advice:
Never take advise..seek the truth within yourself..or ask for suggestion..advice is ego based. No one knows more than you know about yourself..No One! It is called client centered therapy..Rogers* James..et al
22. My ideal breakfast is:
Two eggs over easy..whole wheat toast with strawberry jelly and home fries...or....bananas in cream with dark brown sugar ..
23. If you visit my hometown:
I will try to make you happy you did..
24. If you spend the night at my house:
You will have your own bedroom and bathroom but have to cook breakfast ( and all other meals yourself)
25. I'd stop my wedding if:
.....I would'nt ..not once it was really planned...I might already be considering divorce but I would not back out or run..there is a reason people get that far!
26. The world could do without:
Hate and violence
27. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Do one sexual thing that is classified as pathological and I consider perverted.
28. My favorite blonde is:
Me*
29. Paper clips are more useful than:
Hair pins for somethings
30. If I do anything well, it is:
Read people...and re-read them on a regular basis..people change
31. And by the way:
It is a dangerous thing to make me angry..dangerous for you..( I am a verbal samuri if the lock to my dark side is broken) dangerous for me because I turn it inward and get depressed...( it is not a pretty thing to see me not move for three days)
32. The last time I was high:
Mid-Febuary
33. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:
gazells and giraffs
34. I shouldn't be:
....that's it..I shouldnt be...
35. Once, at a bar...
I used a fake ID..wow how original
36. Last night:
...........................I had a death wish for myself ........
37. There's this girl I know who:
Is beautiful and doesnt believe it...
38. A better name for me would be:
Jillian
39. If I ever go back to school I'll:
Finish with degree in hand
40. Next time I go to church:
I will immerse my self in the talk I am scheduled to give
41. How many days until my birthday?:
n/a
42. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER OF MYSPACE?
year or so.Too Long
43. WOULD YOU EVER TELL YOUR DAD THAT YOU HAVE SEX?
Yes
44. DOES YOUR MOM SMOKE?
no
45.WHO'S PROFILE DO YOU LIKE THE MOST ON MYSPACE?
Fils
46. WHAT IS UR MOOD RIGHT NOW?
Weary
47. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY CAR WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A Lamborgini black and loaded..with no planetary guilt..paradox me thinks
48. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR FRIEND'S PARENTS?
Yes I can get along with everyone ..as long as I want to.
49. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY?
Very
50. HOW OLD WILL YOU BE ON YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY?
..like I said..it is not happen'en
51. ARE YOU A LIKEABLE PERSON?
No not once you really get to know me and I feel safe with you..I am horrid..
52. WOULD YOU PREFER FRIENDS THAT ARE GIRLS OR GUYS?
Both ( who wrote this a tweenie )?
53. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO ON A TUESDAY NIGHT?
I hate tues day nites
54. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?
depends on if I can see the bottom or not..
55. WHAT IS THE MOST PAINFUL THING THAT YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED?
Ha too painful to hand it over on this thing!
56. WHAT IS ONE THING THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
Love
57. WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOUR GLASS IS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
Always half full..and I know it..ungrateful being I am!
58. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A GRAVE WHERE SOMEONE WAS BURIED?
Sure lots of times...I talk to myself there too..I read out loud and even made a film once..sure*why not? They are not there anyway..but since your thinking of them..they can hear*
59. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT TO THE DOCTOR?
a week ago
60. DO YOU PREFER SHOES, SOCKS, OR BARE FEET?
barefeet
61. IF YOU COULD HAVE SEX WITH ONE PERSON ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST WHO WOULD IT BE?
Wow..well..some fantasies should remain that way*
62. IF YOU COULD'VE GROWN UP DURING ANOTHER TIME WHEN WOULD IT HAVE BEEN?
Did..none were perfect..life is life...but I guess France..Paris..it was good enough* miss the people I was with there..now live in other countries..mainly
63. IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A Hindu Goddess..or Kiarna I like Celts too*
64. WHO IN YOUR FAMILY DO YOU ACT THE MOST LIKE?
My father
65. WOULD YOU WEAR YOUR PJ'S ALL THE TIME IF YOU COULD?
I wear something else..so nope
66. If MARY JANE WAS LEGAL WOULD YOU SMOKE IT?
Yes
67. WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF: A SOCIAL DRINKER, DRUNK, OR A NON DRINKER?
Non Drinker
68. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PARENTS?
Essential to this life. They did their best..
69. WHEN YOU GO TO A BAR DO YOU TRY TO GET FREE DRINKS?
Is happy hour for some other reason?
70. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?
Lots!
71. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO WORK MOST OFTEN?
Only Victoria Secret and I know for sure !
72. ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO BAD BOYS/GIRLS,
Only in passing..and only bad boys..I dont like bad girls..they are scary..
73. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
Listening to music on the Dish...Lonesome Boatman..
74. HOW MANY TIMES A DAY DO YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM?
As often as I think of it..
75. IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
With someone special in Paris on the Left Bank..in a loft with books, pen and paper but mainly each other..and out dreams
76. WHEN YOU NEED SOME ALONE TIME WHERE DO YOU GO?
Into my metaphorical cave
77. WHAT ALL HAVE YOU EATEN TODAY?
Chips n not much salsa / hamburger nada mas
78. WHO DO U THINK WILL DO THIS SURVEY AFTER YOU?
No one since on one will read it..silly question
Spell ck in here sucks!
so cienwyn will have no competion in the name dept and I wont have to wonder if anyone read this..smiles...like there was ever a doubt...I know they don't..a waste of my time...so read on for the unadulterated truth as I trust it flies into obvlivions eyes...torn out by their own angst*
1. My uncle once:
Was the Sheriff of a modest sized town for a year.
2. Never in my life:
I think I did it all..at some point..so N/A
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile:
...................no one
4. High School was:
A place I suffered through and others thought I was popular..ha*
6. My first real love was:
Emphasis on Real..G.L.R.
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be:
The sunshine ..the sand and the ocean's eternal shifting tides..
8. I talk to my ex's:
Never
9. When I was 5.
I taught myself to skip on Thanksgiving Day..I wore a yellow dress and sandals..It was a happy day.
10. Last Christmas:
Was perhaps the last..it was good..and horrible in a way I never want repeated..I usually get what I wish for and looks like I got it..no next..
11. When I turn my head left, I see:
A map of Narnia on the wall in front of my wardrobe
11. When I turn my head right, I see:
The Dish Network hardware two lamps a phone a clock and about 50 malas and rosaries of every sort of material ..stone..wood..plastic..and from many different places..Ireland..Italy..Chez Republic..Tibet..Nepal..Santa Clara Res in New Mexico, Brazil, I collect them..or I did..
13. The craziest Family Event was:
Last Christmas when the stove died and all the cooks had mental and emotional meltdowns and I wished "Never again" ...the men took over and between bachelor pad ovens and bar b que warm ups..everyone ate..but..something broke that day..inside of me..
14. If I was a character on Friends I'd be:
.........my friends dont have characters that I know of..N/A..the only one has batman and I pass thanks anyhow
15. By this time next year:
The world will have spun round the zodiac again*
16. My favorite Aunt is: dead
17. I have a hard time understanding:
The silence all around me
18. One time at a family gathering:
I was molested as a child..I know I know..let it go already...but hey it asked*
19. You know I "like" you if:
I ask how you are feeling doing etc..I dont ask if I dont care
20. If I won an award, the first person(people) I'd thank is:
Whoever gives me the award..duh!Poli Psc 101
21. Take my advice:
Never take advise..seek the truth within yourself..or ask for suggestion..advice is ego based. No one knows more than you know about yourself..No One! It is called client centered therapy..Rogers* James..et al
22. My ideal breakfast is:
Two eggs over easy..whole wheat toast with strawberry jelly and home fries...or....bananas in cream with dark brown sugar ..
23. If you visit my hometown:
I will try to make you happy you did..
24. If you spend the night at my house:
You will have your own bedroom and bathroom but have to cook breakfast ( and all other meals yourself)
25. I'd stop my wedding if:
.....I would'nt ..not once it was really planned...I might already be considering divorce but I would not back out or run..there is a reason people get that far!
26. The world could do without:
Hate and violence
27. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Do one sexual thing that is classified as pathological and I consider perverted.
28. My favorite blonde is:
Me*
29. Paper clips are more useful than:
Hair pins for somethings
30. If I do anything well, it is:
Read people...and re-read them on a regular basis..people change
31. And by the way:
It is a dangerous thing to make me angry..dangerous for you..( I am a verbal samuri if the lock to my dark side is broken) dangerous for me because I turn it inward and get depressed...( it is not a pretty thing to see me not move for three days)
32. The last time I was high:
Mid-Febuary
33. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:
gazells and giraffs
34. I shouldn't be:
....that's it..I shouldnt be...
35. Once, at a bar...
I used a fake ID..wow how original
36. Last night:
...........................I had a death wish for myself ........
37. There's this girl I know who:
Is beautiful and doesnt believe it...
38. A better name for me would be:
Jillian
39. If I ever go back to school I'll:
Finish with degree in hand
40. Next time I go to church:
I will immerse my self in the talk I am scheduled to give
41. How many days until my birthday?:
n/a
42. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER OF MYSPACE?
year or so.Too Long
43. WOULD YOU EVER TELL YOUR DAD THAT YOU HAVE SEX?
Yes
44. DOES YOUR MOM SMOKE?
no
45.WHO'S PROFILE DO YOU LIKE THE MOST ON MYSPACE?
Fils
46. WHAT IS UR MOOD RIGHT NOW?
Weary
47. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY CAR WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A Lamborgini black and loaded..with no planetary guilt..paradox me thinks
48. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR FRIEND'S PARENTS?
Yes I can get along with everyone ..as long as I want to.
49. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY?
Very
50. HOW OLD WILL YOU BE ON YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY?
..like I said..it is not happen'en
51. ARE YOU A LIKEABLE PERSON?
No not once you really get to know me and I feel safe with you..I am horrid..
52. WOULD YOU PREFER FRIENDS THAT ARE GIRLS OR GUYS?
Both ( who wrote this a tweenie )?
53. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO ON A TUESDAY NIGHT?
I hate tues day nites
54. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?
depends on if I can see the bottom or not..
55. WHAT IS THE MOST PAINFUL THING THAT YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED?
Ha too painful to hand it over on this thing!
56. WHAT IS ONE THING THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
Love
57. WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOUR GLASS IS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
Always half full..and I know it..ungrateful being I am!
58. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A GRAVE WHERE SOMEONE WAS BURIED?
Sure lots of times...I talk to myself there too..I read out loud and even made a film once..sure*why not? They are not there anyway..but since your thinking of them..they can hear*
59. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT TO THE DOCTOR?
a week ago
60. DO YOU PREFER SHOES, SOCKS, OR BARE FEET?
barefeet
61. IF YOU COULD HAVE SEX WITH ONE PERSON ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST WHO WOULD IT BE?
Wow..well..some fantasies should remain that way*
62. IF YOU COULD'VE GROWN UP DURING ANOTHER TIME WHEN WOULD IT HAVE BEEN?
Did..none were perfect..life is life...but I guess France..Paris..it was good enough* miss the people I was with there..now live in other countries..mainly
63. IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A Hindu Goddess..or Kiarna I like Celts too*
64. WHO IN YOUR FAMILY DO YOU ACT THE MOST LIKE?
My father
65. WOULD YOU WEAR YOUR PJ'S ALL THE TIME IF YOU COULD?
I wear something else..so nope
66. If MARY JANE WAS LEGAL WOULD YOU SMOKE IT?
Yes
67. WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF: A SOCIAL DRINKER, DRUNK, OR A NON DRINKER?
Non Drinker
68. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PARENTS?
Essential to this life. They did their best..
69. WHEN YOU GO TO A BAR DO YOU TRY TO GET FREE DRINKS?
Is happy hour for some other reason?
70. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?
Lots!
71. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO WORK MOST OFTEN?
Only Victoria Secret and I know for sure !
72. ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO BAD BOYS/GIRLS,
Only in passing..and only bad boys..I dont like bad girls..they are scary..
73. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
Listening to music on the Dish...Lonesome Boatman..
74. HOW MANY TIMES A DAY DO YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM?
As often as I think of it..
75. IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
With someone special in Paris on the Left Bank..in a loft with books, pen and paper but mainly each other..and out dreams
76. WHEN YOU NEED SOME ALONE TIME WHERE DO YOU GO?
Into my metaphorical cave
77. WHAT ALL HAVE YOU EATEN TODAY?
Chips n not much salsa / hamburger nada mas
78. WHO DO U THINK WILL DO THIS SURVEY AFTER YOU?
No one since on one will read it..silly question
Spell ck in here sucks!