i dont even know you anymore.

[anwrootbeer]

my confidence comes in waves.

i wanna get better.
i wanna feel good again.
i wanna feel good without anything.
i wanna wake up and be happy.
i wanna be okay being alone.
i wanna like myself.

yes, im not doing anything because im not in gainesville.
but i wanna not do it because i know its just wrong.
do i learn to live without it?
or do i just run away and live without it?

its so hard and so confusing.
im doing this all on my own.

keep busy.
make new friends.
good friends.
with good morals and good judgements.
not even good morals.
but kids who share the same morals as I do.
people who have things in common in me.

i have no self control.
its like ive grown apart from my-self.

being home truly makes me feel like an outpatient or a guest.
its a weird, uneasy feeling.

i have some things planned this week that Im looking forward to.
just keep busy, just keep busy.

day 3 and i think im going crazy. lol.