This Dilemma
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About myself, about other people. And one thing I've been slapping myself with is where I am in life. I hate school, but I do nothing about it. I hate wasting time, but I do it anyway. I hate being lazy. Well guess what? Screw it. I'm not being lazy anymore. After talking with Bella and Lizzie, I've finally realised how God damned lazy I am. It's pathetic. Well, I'm going to step up. For once in my apathetic, lazy-arse life I AM GOING TO MAKE A CHANGE!
Yes, me! Make a change! It's scary, the sky's falling down! ARGH! But it's true. I'm making this LiveJournal entry so I can't back down. Everytime I make a pledge, or a promise, I back down and I find some retarded excuse to do nothing. Well. Not this time. I'm going to study, eat better, get outside, get a job. I'm going to stop being a lazy tit and I'm going to do something!
Of course, I also know my own limits. If I suddenly start four hours of study a night, get a job and workout a bit, then I'll explode and revert back to my old ways. So, I'm building it up. First on the agenda. A job. Get one in Padstow or Revesby, preferablly Padstow, though. Get a shift a week (two at max) and make a wee bit of money. Meet new people there, have a laugh, hardyhar, etc.
Next is to build up study. Goal is to follow the schedule, two hours homework and two hours study a night. That'll take a while to get to, so start it with do all your homework and then study for an hour... at least. My mates are really lazy and I CANNOT let them rub off on me like they usually do. Get my work done, listen in class and study! Get supplimentary texts, get quotes, memorise formulae, etc, etc. Also, gotta' workout some to get the blood pumping, so I don't get any thinner than I already am. Soccer should be good for that, it's coming up earlier next year. Eating better, I have to do that. Breakfast, lunch AND dinner. ALL THREE. Not just one, or two. Three.
Here's the part that stopped me from doing this a long time ago. All of you. I love you guys. Oh God, how I love you people. And in one month, when I hope to get this 'plan' of mine into full swing, I'll be seeing less of you. I already scarcely see some of you, which kills me enough as it is. So I just want you to know how hard this is going to be for me. I want to just be on all the time and talk and laugh and be annoying, but I can't if I want to do well. I want to do well, I do...
It won't be the best period of my life, although I've never thought it was anyway. Why not make the best out of it, since I'm going to be miserable anyhow? Who knows, odds are I'll feel better when I'm more active. Well, whatever happens, however this turns out, whether it be 90s in my HSC, mental breakdown, complete double back to my old ways, whatever... I'll be back. I know it sounds melodramatic and it's a tad lame, but I'll be scarce compared to my old activity online. I'll see less of those I love and less of those I enjoy (who happen to be the same people).
So... here goes! Tonight I promise to do all of this. Whether it takes time, stress, work, sweat, tears (I can see some of those coming) and sadness... I will do it. I will do it. This is hard for me, guys. Really hard. I've never done something like this before in my life. Ever. So umm... I'll need help. And I'll need people to talk to. I'll need friends.
Into the deep I go, to the unexplored and the unknown. Into life itself... the good and the bad. Oh, shit... I'm so freaked out right now. Someone hold my hand.
Yes, me! Make a change! It's scary, the sky's falling down! ARGH! But it's true. I'm making this LiveJournal entry so I can't back down. Everytime I make a pledge, or a promise, I back down and I find some retarded excuse to do nothing. Well. Not this time. I'm going to study, eat better, get outside, get a job. I'm going to stop being a lazy tit and I'm going to do something!
Of course, I also know my own limits. If I suddenly start four hours of study a night, get a job and workout a bit, then I'll explode and revert back to my old ways. So, I'm building it up. First on the agenda. A job. Get one in Padstow or Revesby, preferablly Padstow, though. Get a shift a week (two at max) and make a wee bit of money. Meet new people there, have a laugh, hardyhar, etc.
Next is to build up study. Goal is to follow the schedule, two hours homework and two hours study a night. That'll take a while to get to, so start it with do all your homework and then study for an hour... at least. My mates are really lazy and I CANNOT let them rub off on me like they usually do. Get my work done, listen in class and study! Get supplimentary texts, get quotes, memorise formulae, etc, etc. Also, gotta' workout some to get the blood pumping, so I don't get any thinner than I already am. Soccer should be good for that, it's coming up earlier next year. Eating better, I have to do that. Breakfast, lunch AND dinner. ALL THREE. Not just one, or two. Three.
Here's the part that stopped me from doing this a long time ago. All of you. I love you guys. Oh God, how I love you people. And in one month, when I hope to get this 'plan' of mine into full swing, I'll be seeing less of you. I already scarcely see some of you, which kills me enough as it is. So I just want you to know how hard this is going to be for me. I want to just be on all the time and talk and laugh and be annoying, but I can't if I want to do well. I want to do well, I do...
It won't be the best period of my life, although I've never thought it was anyway. Why not make the best out of it, since I'm going to be miserable anyhow? Who knows, odds are I'll feel better when I'm more active. Well, whatever happens, however this turns out, whether it be 90s in my HSC, mental breakdown, complete double back to my old ways, whatever... I'll be back. I know it sounds melodramatic and it's a tad lame, but I'll be scarce compared to my old activity online. I'll see less of those I love and less of those I enjoy (who happen to be the same people).
So... here goes! Tonight I promise to do all of this. Whether it takes time, stress, work, sweat, tears (I can see some of those coming) and sadness... I will do it. I will do it. This is hard for me, guys. Really hard. I've never done something like this before in my life. Ever. So umm... I'll need help. And I'll need people to talk to. I'll need friends.
Into the deep I go, to the unexplored and the unknown. Into life itself... the good and the bad. Oh, shit... I'm so freaked out right now. Someone hold my hand.