(no subject)
I'm sick of always having to say sorry. I'm sick of always feeling like I'm not good enough. I need to rework how i think. I'm not always the one at fault. I am good enough.
I need to remember that.
And Ryan helps me with that. I feel bad he has to say it over and over and over again. But I know that he will, because he's told me over and over again the keeping me happy and healthy is the most importan thing to him. And i believe him. I have never ever been the most important to someone. I have been lied to and told I was, but now I can tell... I can tell so clearly that its true. How he acts, how he treats me, just... I dont even know how to explain it. I know I'm important to him. He doesnt just tell me, he shows me. I feel horrible for being scared. There is nothing he could say, nothing he could do to show me that my fears are irrelivant, because every day, every single day he does everything I could ever hope for.
I know he loves me, I know because I can see it n everything he does. I wish I could give him back as much as he gives me. I try tho, I really do. Sometimes I know he wants to do something, like work on a puzzle, but he'll just sit and cuddle with me because its what i want... and I guess the temptation is to great ^^;; I wanna give as much to him as he gives to me. He's always saying he wished he could do more, but he does so so much... he always just wants to help me, so so much... I still cant believe sometimes, that the words he is saying are so so true... and I feel so lucky... and I just want to be with him so so much and I dont wanna be scared any more... I dont have to be scared or sorry anymore...
I love him so so much. I'll say it over and over again becuse its never enough...
*cough* ON a less gushy note I got a job... I'll be making roughtly 160$ a month, but I dont know what I'll be saving up for. Probubly anime, and a DVD player... cuz I'm most likely getting my TV and mangas and books from BC... I hope I get that stuff soon...
I need to remember that.
And Ryan helps me with that. I feel bad he has to say it over and over and over again. But I know that he will, because he's told me over and over again the keeping me happy and healthy is the most importan thing to him. And i believe him. I have never ever been the most important to someone. I have been lied to and told I was, but now I can tell... I can tell so clearly that its true. How he acts, how he treats me, just... I dont even know how to explain it. I know I'm important to him. He doesnt just tell me, he shows me. I feel horrible for being scared. There is nothing he could say, nothing he could do to show me that my fears are irrelivant, because every day, every single day he does everything I could ever hope for.
I know he loves me, I know because I can see it n everything he does. I wish I could give him back as much as he gives me. I try tho, I really do. Sometimes I know he wants to do something, like work on a puzzle, but he'll just sit and cuddle with me because its what i want... and I guess the temptation is to great ^^;; I wanna give as much to him as he gives to me. He's always saying he wished he could do more, but he does so so much... he always just wants to help me, so so much... I still cant believe sometimes, that the words he is saying are so so true... and I feel so lucky... and I just want to be with him so so much and I dont wanna be scared any more... I dont have to be scared or sorry anymore...
I love him so so much. I'll say it over and over again becuse its never enough...
*cough* ON a less gushy note I got a job... I'll be making roughtly 160$ a month, but I dont know what I'll be saving up for. Probubly anime, and a DVD player... cuz I'm most likely getting my TV and mangas and books from BC... I hope I get that stuff soon...