this universe is overrated
heyy.. its been a while live journal... i have missed you.. there has been couple of moments where i thought i shall update you with all weird stupid shit that comes to my head or let you know of everything that has been happening in my life but i don't think you'd be interested.. not that its not interesting its just not something i bet you havn't heard from somebody else... i keep thinking human beings are capable of much more but i have had my doubts i don't really care anymore... am 20 this year and i already feel like am 85 i pretend to be wise when i know how pathetic and how much of a hypocrite i am.. and today i don't really care... i dont know what i expect of me.. i keep thinking its a phase and my head will know what to do when the time comes but the way its going i don't think i'll ever know what to do with my life... i won't ever know if i actually deserve all the love am getting... the sky.. the beach.. all the animals in this planet and all the materialistic things and all those feelings.. ohh those complicated twisted fucking feelings... and all that irony all of it happening in this world... what's the point of it... the world has been existing before me and it will remain to after me... everything is apparently the way of life.. nothing can be changed everything returns to its depressing self either way... people can change a few things here and there maybe i can if i live up to all that iam suppose to and all that i expect of myself maybe i truly can change something in this world.. but i don't think there is still a point there is no way i will live to see the day the whole world may understand of their purpose... coz i don't think we're designed to... i don't see the point of this universe or the point of any species in this world.. yes its very beautiful and very sad... i've seen things in my life that is soo amazingly beautiful and i've felt things that i cannot explain but at the end of it all i just don't see the point in it all... i don't really know why i started posting here but i remember now.. i wonder how i got lost in between and started sharing things that nobody really wants to hear... am sick of the internet and social networking sites... i fucking hate facebook i hate how its now the new trend... i hate everything so much sometimes and i don't even know why... i think i use hatrid to cover things up in my life... i dont know maybe am just fuckin crazy... i miss her..
i remember there was a time when i thought it was the idea of her that i missed i remember how i felt those days when i had nobody to talk to those were the times you should've been there live journal.. i would've filled you up with so much of hate and misery though thinking back now i dont think that would've been possible coz i was a hostel and there was not many people who saw things the way i did i remember thinking how it would be with somebody else and even tried things out but then later i realized it was her that i missed and not the idea of her... it wasn't just a girl friend that i wanted it was her.. and then i was glad even though i didnt have her at the time i remember thinking how glad i am that i am not like the others i know that just needs somebody to share something with... i wanted her.. and i spent a long time till she came back to my life feeling nothing... i was begining to think my whole body was going numb it was a really long 3 or 4 months of my life i don't really remember much about it now coz it was a long time back... and then just like that i was back with her and life was all dandy now am thinking i made a mistake coming here i don't think i want to see where my life will go with all this education and money... i don't see the point in anything i can feel that numbness coming back again i wonder in my head sometimes if am just one of those person who knows only how to talk and when its comes to it i won't have the balls to do anything i say... i truly am a hypocrite but i would like beleive that someday when it comes to it i will do what i need to and move on...
i wonder if iam truly capable of killing somebody and not feel a thing i think i am but i don't know.. i would like to find out someday before i perish...
i remember there was a time when i thought it was the idea of her that i missed i remember how i felt those days when i had nobody to talk to those were the times you should've been there live journal.. i would've filled you up with so much of hate and misery though thinking back now i dont think that would've been possible coz i was a hostel and there was not many people who saw things the way i did i remember thinking how it would be with somebody else and even tried things out but then later i realized it was her that i missed and not the idea of her... it wasn't just a girl friend that i wanted it was her.. and then i was glad even though i didnt have her at the time i remember thinking how glad i am that i am not like the others i know that just needs somebody to share something with... i wanted her.. and i spent a long time till she came back to my life feeling nothing... i was begining to think my whole body was going numb it was a really long 3 or 4 months of my life i don't really remember much about it now coz it was a long time back... and then just like that i was back with her and life was all dandy now am thinking i made a mistake coming here i don't think i want to see where my life will go with all this education and money... i don't see the point in anything i can feel that numbness coming back again i wonder in my head sometimes if am just one of those person who knows only how to talk and when its comes to it i won't have the balls to do anything i say... i truly am a hypocrite but i would like beleive that someday when it comes to it i will do what i need to and move on...
i wonder if iam truly capable of killing somebody and not feel a thing i think i am but i don't know.. i would like to find out someday before i perish...