HSM; Chad/Ryan; NC-17
Title: Follow You Down
Author: coffeewordangel
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real.
AN: For bloodlilly02, as are all things.
Two months into senior year and Chad gets called down to the counselor’s office. He hopes it’s something to do with his college plans, but when he walks in and sees Coach Bolton that theory is thoroughly demolished.
“Have a seat, Mr. Danforth,” Ms. Byrd directs pleasantly.
Chad nervously sits down. “Um. What’s this about?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were failing English, Chad?” his coach demands.
Chad blanches and stammers a bit. He considers protesting the statement, explaining that it’s just a few assignments and he can make them up no problem, but that would be a lie. He’s fucked and he knows it.
“You’re in danger of being suspended from the team, “ Ms. Byrd interjects. “The principal is willing to give you a month to pull your grade up, provided you agree to participate in the peer tutoring program.”
“Anything,” Chad agrees desperately. If he gets kicked off the team his life as he knows it is pretty much over.
Ms. Byrd smiles encouragingly. “Excellent. I’ll let Mr. Evans know you’ll be in touch to set up a tutoring session.”
“Evans? Ryan Evans?” Chad squeaks. Suddenly, dropping out of school entirely is looking like a decent option.
“Yes. I’m sure he’ll be helpful to you.”
Coach Bolton stands up and points at Chad. “Get your head in the game,” he says sternly before exiting the room.
Chad drops his head into his hands. Oh yeah, his life is over.
***
Ryan shows up at Chad’s house promptly at five. Chad nervously invites him in and then stands awkwardly in the foyer for a moment, shifting his weight from foot to foot and avoiding Ryan’s gaze. Finally Ryan sighs in exasperation.
“Let’s get one thing straight, okay? I’m here to tutor you in English, not threaten your precious heterosexuality.”
Chad flushes. “Look, about that…”
Ryan rolls his eyes. “You’re seventeen. A stiff breeze gets you hard. It’s not like I took it personally or anything. God. Believe me, I haven’t spent the last three months harboring an unrequited crush on you. Get over yourself.”
Chad blinks. “Um. Okay then. So. Biological response to physical activity? We’re good?”
“No. We’re not good. You freaked out and avoided me for the rest of the summer. We’re not friends, Chad. I’m helping you because it looks good on college applications and I get extra credit for it. That’s all.” Ryan’s gaze is cold.
Disappointment curls in the pit of Chad’s stomach. He’s been a dick and there’s nothing he can do to fix it. Whatever tentative beginnings of friendship there may have been after the baseball game this summer, Chad’s successfully killed them because he couldn’t keep his libido in check and ran. He’s not only a dick, he’s a coward.
“Okay. I respect that. Um. My room’s upstairs.”
Ryan smirks. “You sure you don’t want to do this in the living room or something? Not scared I’ll see the bed and get ‘ideas’?”
Chad glares at him. “I’m not a homophobic asshole. I know you’re not going to jump me just because you’re gay and I’m a guy. It’s not like I jump every girl I’m alone with. Give me some credit.”
“I’ll give you whatever credit you earn,” Ryan says coolly. “Let’s go, Danforth. You have an English grade to raise.”
***
Chad has a thing for blue eyes and pouty lips. When he was thirteen he avoided Troy for an entire week until he could sort out the feelings he’d suddenly developed for his best friend and figure out how to sublimate the attraction. It worked and he hasn’t looked at Troy with anything but brotherly affection since. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a type, though, and Ryan‘s continued proximity stretches his self control to its limits. Chad is pretty sure he’s going to go insane before this whole ordeal is over.
He’s not sure how he’s supposed to concentrate on English when Ryan sucks on the end of his pen, damp lips and curled tongue. Whenever that happens he can’t even remember how to speak the language, let alone decipher pages of poetry. At first he thought it was just a quirk, but now he’s wondering if the action is deliberate. Ryan always seems pleased when Chad squirms in his seat and scowls down at his textbook. He’s a sadist. It’s the only explanation.
“I’m not going to get this,” Chad finally snarls. “I can’t break down a poem and I sure as hell can’t write my own. Unless dirty limericks count. I don’t write poetry.”
Ryan smirks. “You don’t dance, you don’t sing, you don’t write poetry. You’re kind of a one-trick pony, aren’t you, Danforth?”
“Oh my god. Can we drop the last name thing? It’s Chad. You don’t have to be my friend to call me by my first name,” Chad explodes. He’s fed up with the whole situation. He’s fed up with Ryan being smug, he’s fed up with lying awake at night fantasizing about Ryan’s mouth, he’s fed up with wanting things he can’t have and he’s sure as hell fed up with all this poetry bullshit. When is he ever going to need this in the real world, anyway?
“The assessment stands,” Ryan replies. “But yes. I can call you Chad if you prefer.”
“Thank god.” Chad runs a hand through his hair. “Maybe I can concentrate if I’m not worried you’ll kill me with a ballpoint pen while my back is turned.”
“Like I’d sully my hands with your blood,” Ryan scoffs loftily. “Not when I can hire someone to do it for me.”
Chad grins. “Oh, that’s a comforting thought.”
Ryan shrugs. “I’m not here to put you at ease, Wildcat. I’m here to whip your ass into shape so you don’t get kicked off the team.”
There are other things Chad thinks he might want Ryan to do to his ass, but his brain shirks away from further contemplation. He’s running scared and the last thing he wants to do is let on that he’s kind of obsessed with Ryan. There’s no need to give the other boy ammunition.
“Right. Right. Back to the grindstone. Slave driver,” Chad mutters under his breath.
“Mmm, what I wouldn’t give for a whip right now,” Ryan purrs.
Chad nearly chokes on his tongue.
***
Chad has plenty of time to focus on how badly he screwed up with Ryan. He misses Ryan’s laugh and how easy it was to hang out with him. There’s a wall between them now, and if Ryan laughs it’s guarded. He’s cagey around Chad and there’s not a single emotion that makes it to his eyes.
In fact, Chad can’t seem to focus on anything but Ryan. He’s sucking so hard in practice that they might kick him off the team even if he does bring his grade back up. He can’t sleep and he’s never hungry and he’s not interested in anything beyond the delicate curve of Ryan’s neck and the strong angle of his jaw and the lithe muscles beneath his clothes and the pale smoothness of his skin. He’s going insane.
“Concentrate!” Ryan demands, frustrated.
“I can’t!” Chad yells back. He’s flushed and irritated and he wants to rip his skin off.
“Why…” Ryan trails off and stares at him for a moment with an inscrutable expression. “I see. If I help you with that can we get some work done?”
“What?” Chad blinks rapidly. He can’t possibly mean what Chad thinks he means.
Ryan sighs heavily and kneels in front of Chad’s chair. “You’re killing me here. Close your eyes and think of Taylor or Keira Knightley or something.”
Chad bites back a whimper as Ryan lightly strokes him through his jeans. He closes his eyes as bidden, but opens them in shock when Ryan skips the preliminaries and goes straight for swallowing Chad whole. It’s clear he’s done this before and Chad is momentarily torn between wanting to rip apart every guy Ryan’s ever been on his knees for and wanting to lose himself in the skill of Ryan’s mouth. He goes with the latter and stifles his moans of pleasure.
To Chad’s great embarrassment he doesn’t last very long at all. He tries to tell himself that it’s perfectly acceptable considering he’s never had a blowjob before, but Ryan seems a little too amused. Also, hot, what with the licking his lips and everything. It doesn’t seem fair that Chad’s the one who just got a blowjob and Ryan’s the one who looks thoroughly debauched. Chad desperately wants to kiss him, to touch him, something, but Ryan’s standing up and just as unapproachable as before.
“Get some sleep,” Ryan orders imperiously. “Be ready to work tomorrow. Your assignment is due on Friday.”
Chad nods dumbly, still not sure that he hasn’t dreamt the whole thing. Ryan pauses at the door and turns toward him with a smirk. “Get your head in the game.”
Chad waits till the front door slams and drops his head to the desk with a groan. He has no idea what he’s going to do now.
***
Ryan shows up at Chad’s on Thursday and acts like nothing happened. Chad has been on the verge of a nervous breakdown all day and he’s not sure if Ryan’s obliviousness is a relief or a frustration. A bit of both, probably. He manages to focus on the task at hand and not get too distracted by the way Ryan’s knee brushes his thigh.
“This poem is…not bad.” Ryan sounds surprised.
Chad flushes. “Thanks,” he mutters.
“No, really. It’s about not wanting something you can’t help but want, right? That’s pretty deep.”
“You were expecting an ode to the basketball?” Chad grumbles.
Ryan cocks his head. “Well…yeah, actually. Or maybe an ode to the inherent homoeroticism in sports.”
“Fuck you,” Chad snaps.
Ryan’s smile is slow and mocking. “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“I hate you.”
“I know, baby,” Ryan says soothingly. “Doesn’t make you want me any less, now does it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Chad says stiffly. “I’m tired of you thinking you have me all figured out. You don’t know shit about me.”
“I know you’re so deep in the closet you couldn’t find your way out with a map and GPS.”
The problem is that Chad doesn’t hate Ryan at all. He wants the Ryan he came to know over the summer back. He doesn’t know who this bitter, snarky version is, but he knows just where to strike to do the most damage. Chad thinks maybe he deserves this, just a little bit. If he’d been upfront about things and not terrified, maybe everything would have turned out differently.
“Shut up,” Chad growls.
Ryan smiles another maddeningly superior smile. “Make me,” he taunts.
That’s it. That’s the end of Chad’s frayed rope of self-control. He shoves Ryan against the wall with a thud and attacks his mouth. Ryan stiffens for a moment and then gives as good as he’s getting. Chad tries to slow it down a little, but Ryan’s tongue is in his mouth and doing something that’s probably illegal in thirty states and all Chad can do is hang on.
“Bed?” Ryan gasps when they break for air.
“Bed,” Chad agrees.
They stumble to the mattress and tumble onto it. Chad thinks he’s going to burst into flames in some bizarre display of spontaneous human combustion if he doesn’t get his clothes off right now and Ryan seems to agree since he’s tugging at Chad’s shirt in a frustrated manner. Chad lends him a hand before peeling Ryan’s clothes off him.
Ryan is just as lovely as Chad imagined. He’s pale and lithe and flushes an adorable pink all over when Chad stops to stare at him. Still, he juts his chin defiantly and tugs Chad’s jeans down. He starts to follow and Chad grabs his shoulders and drags him back up.
“No. You’re staying right here,” Chad says teasingly.
Ryan gives him a baffled look. It dissolves into lust, however, when Chad reaches down to slide a callused hand around them both. Watching Ryan lose himself in sensation is almost more satisfying than the frenzied slide of skin. He wants to make it last this time, draw more of the little whimpers from Ryan’s elegant throat, but when Ryan moans and comes over his hand, Chad isn’t far behind.
Chad hesitates to even breathe waiting for Ryan’s reaction. He desperately wants to enjoy the sweaty tangle of limbs, the dizzying heat of Ryan’s breath across his neck, but he can’t. He’s too scared. It seems like he’s always scared these days.
“Not bad, Danforth,” Ryan drawls without lifting his head. “For a beginner.”
“You seemed to enjoy yourself,” Chad replies stiffly.
Ryan raises his head and grins at him, sharp and predatory. “Oh, I did. You closeted boys can be a lot of fun, all that repressed sexuality just waiting to be let loose.”
Chad grits his teeth and resolves not to give Ryan the reaction he obviously wants. Instead he lifts his hand and slowly licks his fingers clean, delighting in the way Ryan’s pupils dilate at the action. Chad smiles cockily.
“Don’t get a big head, Danforth,” Ryan warns, pulling on his clothes with practiced ease. “I’ve had better.”
“Guess I’ll have to try again then,” Chad responds.
Ryan almost stumbles on his way out the door.
***
Chad hasn’t seen Ryan since he left on Thursday and it’s now Monday. His head is a mess and he managed to come out to Troy over the weekend. Somehow, in the middle of one-on-one, ‘Hey, so Troy, I’m gay’ sort of slipped out. It went better than he’d imagined, with Troy’s complete, almost blithe acceptance, but now he and Gabriella keep talking about setting Chad up with a nice boy. He hasn’t told them yet that he doesn’t want a ‘nice boy’. He wants a bitchy blond with a sarcastic tongue and an ass that won’t quit.
He is so screwed.
Ryan saunters into home room with Sharpay just seconds before the bell rings and Chad can’t breathe for a moment. He looks amazing and, fuck, is that eyeliner? Delicately smudged, making his eyes look even bluer than usual. He gracefully slides into his seat and slides an amused look over at Chad who fights not to flush.
It’s a good thing Chad and Ryan only have one class together because Ryan has a way of making Chad stupid. He passes in the hall and all thoughts abandon Chad’s head. Troy keeps asking if he’s alright. Chad lies through his teeth and tells him he’s fine, everything’s great, he got an A on his English assignment after all.
“Guess that tutoring thing worked out, huh?”
Chad swallows hard and nods. “Yeah,” he mutters.
“Ryan’s really smart. You’re lucky you got him to tutor you. Everyone thinks he’s only good at drama stuff but he’s pulling a 4.0,” Troy enthuses.
Chad glares. “Who are you, his publicist?”
Troy blinks at him. “Did something happen?”
“It’s been a little rough,” Chad admits. “We don’t exactly getting along.”
“Sexual tension?” Troy jokes.
Chad opens his mouth to reply and then realizes he has no idea how to answer that. He should blow it off, make it a joke, but that feels wrong somehow. He also can’t admit that he wants Ryan more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life and it’s killing him. Instead he just walks away and hopes that Troy doesn’t follow him.
***
It takes three weeks of furtive blowjobs and making out in secret before Chad decides he’s had enough. Ryan’s flippancy is killing him a little bit each time and he’s the first to admit that he’s out of his league. Apparently Chad is the serious relationship type, which is as much of a surprise to him as anybody, and every single one of Ryan’s references to his prior experience is like a knife in his chest.
“We need to talk,” Chad announces.
Ryan lifts an eyebrow and affects a bored expression. “Getting too hot for you, Danforth? Need to get out of the kitchen?”
Chad takes a deep, calming breath. “Just shut up, okay? I’m getting a C in English and I don’t need any more tutoring and this needs to stop.”
Ryan sneers. “Missing your closet? Afraid your boy crush will find out?”
“Troy knows. He wants to set me up with his cousin or something this weekend. I think I’m going to do it.”
“What?” Ryan gaping like a fish should be deeply satisfying, but Chad is too tired and depressed to enjoy it properly.
“I’m going to be totally honest here, okay? You can mock me once I’m done. I know you’ll want to.” Chad takes another deep breath. He’s a little light headed. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but here goes. I can’t take the random, meaningless hooking up anymore. It doesn’t mean anything and that hurts, okay? I mean, it’s flattering that you want me, but apparently I’m just another fling in a long line of guys and I think I need to be more than that to someone.”
“I. You. Um.” Ryan flounders a little.
“You can have anyone you want. You’re smart and hot and I’m half in love with you and I need to get out before I do something stupid like follow you around like Zeke follows Sharpay.” Chad forces himself to look at Ryan.
Shockingly, Ryan looks like he’s going to cry. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
It’s Chad’s turn to not know what the hell is going on. “Huh?”
“I’ve been acting like an asshole because I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me and it was kind of fun for a while, having you on a string, but I shouldn’t have taken it as far as I did.” He looks miserable.
“Acting?” Hope wells in Chad’s chest and he tries to squash it.
Ryan bites his lip. “That is what I do.”
“All those other guys?”
Ryan blushes a little. “I’ve only been with, like, two people before you. I’m not experienced at all.”
Chad tentatively takes a step toward the other boy. “That’s still enough to make me crazy jealous. I don’t want anyone else touching you. Ever.”
“Really?” Ryan’s smile is tentative, hopeful. “I mean, you want to…”
“Take you out? Make out with you in the back row at the movies? Spend time just talking to you without bitching at each other? Yeah. All of that. And, you know, the sex part is kind of awesome too.” Chad can feel his face burning with embarrassment.
He forgets about being embarrassed when Ryan launches himself at Chad, nearly knocking them both over, and wraps his arms around Chad’s neck. Ryan is warm and smells amazing and Chad knows he’s asking for trouble, but Ryan’s lips are right there and how can he help but kiss them?
“I’m kind of in love with you,” Ryan murmurs, blushing.
“Thought you didn’t spend the last three months harboring an unrequited crush on me,” Chad teases.
Ryan blushes harder and fuck if it isn’t completely adorable. “Try a year. Maybe longer.”
“What?” Chad stares at him. “A year?”
“Maybe longer,” Ryan repeats. “Besides, it’s not unrequited anymore, right?”
Chad grins and tightens his grip on Ryan’s waist. “Definitely not.”
Author: coffeewordangel
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real.
AN: For bloodlilly02, as are all things.
Two months into senior year and Chad gets called down to the counselor’s office. He hopes it’s something to do with his college plans, but when he walks in and sees Coach Bolton that theory is thoroughly demolished.
“Have a seat, Mr. Danforth,” Ms. Byrd directs pleasantly.
Chad nervously sits down. “Um. What’s this about?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were failing English, Chad?” his coach demands.
Chad blanches and stammers a bit. He considers protesting the statement, explaining that it’s just a few assignments and he can make them up no problem, but that would be a lie. He’s fucked and he knows it.
“You’re in danger of being suspended from the team, “ Ms. Byrd interjects. “The principal is willing to give you a month to pull your grade up, provided you agree to participate in the peer tutoring program.”
“Anything,” Chad agrees desperately. If he gets kicked off the team his life as he knows it is pretty much over.
Ms. Byrd smiles encouragingly. “Excellent. I’ll let Mr. Evans know you’ll be in touch to set up a tutoring session.”
“Evans? Ryan Evans?” Chad squeaks. Suddenly, dropping out of school entirely is looking like a decent option.
“Yes. I’m sure he’ll be helpful to you.”
Coach Bolton stands up and points at Chad. “Get your head in the game,” he says sternly before exiting the room.
Chad drops his head into his hands. Oh yeah, his life is over.
***
Ryan shows up at Chad’s house promptly at five. Chad nervously invites him in and then stands awkwardly in the foyer for a moment, shifting his weight from foot to foot and avoiding Ryan’s gaze. Finally Ryan sighs in exasperation.
“Let’s get one thing straight, okay? I’m here to tutor you in English, not threaten your precious heterosexuality.”
Chad flushes. “Look, about that…”
Ryan rolls his eyes. “You’re seventeen. A stiff breeze gets you hard. It’s not like I took it personally or anything. God. Believe me, I haven’t spent the last three months harboring an unrequited crush on you. Get over yourself.”
Chad blinks. “Um. Okay then. So. Biological response to physical activity? We’re good?”
“No. We’re not good. You freaked out and avoided me for the rest of the summer. We’re not friends, Chad. I’m helping you because it looks good on college applications and I get extra credit for it. That’s all.” Ryan’s gaze is cold.
Disappointment curls in the pit of Chad’s stomach. He’s been a dick and there’s nothing he can do to fix it. Whatever tentative beginnings of friendship there may have been after the baseball game this summer, Chad’s successfully killed them because he couldn’t keep his libido in check and ran. He’s not only a dick, he’s a coward.
“Okay. I respect that. Um. My room’s upstairs.”
Ryan smirks. “You sure you don’t want to do this in the living room or something? Not scared I’ll see the bed and get ‘ideas’?”
Chad glares at him. “I’m not a homophobic asshole. I know you’re not going to jump me just because you’re gay and I’m a guy. It’s not like I jump every girl I’m alone with. Give me some credit.”
“I’ll give you whatever credit you earn,” Ryan says coolly. “Let’s go, Danforth. You have an English grade to raise.”
***
Chad has a thing for blue eyes and pouty lips. When he was thirteen he avoided Troy for an entire week until he could sort out the feelings he’d suddenly developed for his best friend and figure out how to sublimate the attraction. It worked and he hasn’t looked at Troy with anything but brotherly affection since. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a type, though, and Ryan‘s continued proximity stretches his self control to its limits. Chad is pretty sure he’s going to go insane before this whole ordeal is over.
He’s not sure how he’s supposed to concentrate on English when Ryan sucks on the end of his pen, damp lips and curled tongue. Whenever that happens he can’t even remember how to speak the language, let alone decipher pages of poetry. At first he thought it was just a quirk, but now he’s wondering if the action is deliberate. Ryan always seems pleased when Chad squirms in his seat and scowls down at his textbook. He’s a sadist. It’s the only explanation.
“I’m not going to get this,” Chad finally snarls. “I can’t break down a poem and I sure as hell can’t write my own. Unless dirty limericks count. I don’t write poetry.”
Ryan smirks. “You don’t dance, you don’t sing, you don’t write poetry. You’re kind of a one-trick pony, aren’t you, Danforth?”
“Oh my god. Can we drop the last name thing? It’s Chad. You don’t have to be my friend to call me by my first name,” Chad explodes. He’s fed up with the whole situation. He’s fed up with Ryan being smug, he’s fed up with lying awake at night fantasizing about Ryan’s mouth, he’s fed up with wanting things he can’t have and he’s sure as hell fed up with all this poetry bullshit. When is he ever going to need this in the real world, anyway?
“The assessment stands,” Ryan replies. “But yes. I can call you Chad if you prefer.”
“Thank god.” Chad runs a hand through his hair. “Maybe I can concentrate if I’m not worried you’ll kill me with a ballpoint pen while my back is turned.”
“Like I’d sully my hands with your blood,” Ryan scoffs loftily. “Not when I can hire someone to do it for me.”
Chad grins. “Oh, that’s a comforting thought.”
Ryan shrugs. “I’m not here to put you at ease, Wildcat. I’m here to whip your ass into shape so you don’t get kicked off the team.”
There are other things Chad thinks he might want Ryan to do to his ass, but his brain shirks away from further contemplation. He’s running scared and the last thing he wants to do is let on that he’s kind of obsessed with Ryan. There’s no need to give the other boy ammunition.
“Right. Right. Back to the grindstone. Slave driver,” Chad mutters under his breath.
“Mmm, what I wouldn’t give for a whip right now,” Ryan purrs.
Chad nearly chokes on his tongue.
***
Chad has plenty of time to focus on how badly he screwed up with Ryan. He misses Ryan’s laugh and how easy it was to hang out with him. There’s a wall between them now, and if Ryan laughs it’s guarded. He’s cagey around Chad and there’s not a single emotion that makes it to his eyes.
In fact, Chad can’t seem to focus on anything but Ryan. He’s sucking so hard in practice that they might kick him off the team even if he does bring his grade back up. He can’t sleep and he’s never hungry and he’s not interested in anything beyond the delicate curve of Ryan’s neck and the strong angle of his jaw and the lithe muscles beneath his clothes and the pale smoothness of his skin. He’s going insane.
“Concentrate!” Ryan demands, frustrated.
“I can’t!” Chad yells back. He’s flushed and irritated and he wants to rip his skin off.
“Why…” Ryan trails off and stares at him for a moment with an inscrutable expression. “I see. If I help you with that can we get some work done?”
“What?” Chad blinks rapidly. He can’t possibly mean what Chad thinks he means.
Ryan sighs heavily and kneels in front of Chad’s chair. “You’re killing me here. Close your eyes and think of Taylor or Keira Knightley or something.”
Chad bites back a whimper as Ryan lightly strokes him through his jeans. He closes his eyes as bidden, but opens them in shock when Ryan skips the preliminaries and goes straight for swallowing Chad whole. It’s clear he’s done this before and Chad is momentarily torn between wanting to rip apart every guy Ryan’s ever been on his knees for and wanting to lose himself in the skill of Ryan’s mouth. He goes with the latter and stifles his moans of pleasure.
To Chad’s great embarrassment he doesn’t last very long at all. He tries to tell himself that it’s perfectly acceptable considering he’s never had a blowjob before, but Ryan seems a little too amused. Also, hot, what with the licking his lips and everything. It doesn’t seem fair that Chad’s the one who just got a blowjob and Ryan’s the one who looks thoroughly debauched. Chad desperately wants to kiss him, to touch him, something, but Ryan’s standing up and just as unapproachable as before.
“Get some sleep,” Ryan orders imperiously. “Be ready to work tomorrow. Your assignment is due on Friday.”
Chad nods dumbly, still not sure that he hasn’t dreamt the whole thing. Ryan pauses at the door and turns toward him with a smirk. “Get your head in the game.”
Chad waits till the front door slams and drops his head to the desk with a groan. He has no idea what he’s going to do now.
***
Ryan shows up at Chad’s on Thursday and acts like nothing happened. Chad has been on the verge of a nervous breakdown all day and he’s not sure if Ryan’s obliviousness is a relief or a frustration. A bit of both, probably. He manages to focus on the task at hand and not get too distracted by the way Ryan’s knee brushes his thigh.
“This poem is…not bad.” Ryan sounds surprised.
Chad flushes. “Thanks,” he mutters.
“No, really. It’s about not wanting something you can’t help but want, right? That’s pretty deep.”
“You were expecting an ode to the basketball?” Chad grumbles.
Ryan cocks his head. “Well…yeah, actually. Or maybe an ode to the inherent homoeroticism in sports.”
“Fuck you,” Chad snaps.
Ryan’s smile is slow and mocking. “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“I hate you.”
“I know, baby,” Ryan says soothingly. “Doesn’t make you want me any less, now does it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Chad says stiffly. “I’m tired of you thinking you have me all figured out. You don’t know shit about me.”
“I know you’re so deep in the closet you couldn’t find your way out with a map and GPS.”
The problem is that Chad doesn’t hate Ryan at all. He wants the Ryan he came to know over the summer back. He doesn’t know who this bitter, snarky version is, but he knows just where to strike to do the most damage. Chad thinks maybe he deserves this, just a little bit. If he’d been upfront about things and not terrified, maybe everything would have turned out differently.
“Shut up,” Chad growls.
Ryan smiles another maddeningly superior smile. “Make me,” he taunts.
That’s it. That’s the end of Chad’s frayed rope of self-control. He shoves Ryan against the wall with a thud and attacks his mouth. Ryan stiffens for a moment and then gives as good as he’s getting. Chad tries to slow it down a little, but Ryan’s tongue is in his mouth and doing something that’s probably illegal in thirty states and all Chad can do is hang on.
“Bed?” Ryan gasps when they break for air.
“Bed,” Chad agrees.
They stumble to the mattress and tumble onto it. Chad thinks he’s going to burst into flames in some bizarre display of spontaneous human combustion if he doesn’t get his clothes off right now and Ryan seems to agree since he’s tugging at Chad’s shirt in a frustrated manner. Chad lends him a hand before peeling Ryan’s clothes off him.
Ryan is just as lovely as Chad imagined. He’s pale and lithe and flushes an adorable pink all over when Chad stops to stare at him. Still, he juts his chin defiantly and tugs Chad’s jeans down. He starts to follow and Chad grabs his shoulders and drags him back up.
“No. You’re staying right here,” Chad says teasingly.
Ryan gives him a baffled look. It dissolves into lust, however, when Chad reaches down to slide a callused hand around them both. Watching Ryan lose himself in sensation is almost more satisfying than the frenzied slide of skin. He wants to make it last this time, draw more of the little whimpers from Ryan’s elegant throat, but when Ryan moans and comes over his hand, Chad isn’t far behind.
Chad hesitates to even breathe waiting for Ryan’s reaction. He desperately wants to enjoy the sweaty tangle of limbs, the dizzying heat of Ryan’s breath across his neck, but he can’t. He’s too scared. It seems like he’s always scared these days.
“Not bad, Danforth,” Ryan drawls without lifting his head. “For a beginner.”
“You seemed to enjoy yourself,” Chad replies stiffly.
Ryan raises his head and grins at him, sharp and predatory. “Oh, I did. You closeted boys can be a lot of fun, all that repressed sexuality just waiting to be let loose.”
Chad grits his teeth and resolves not to give Ryan the reaction he obviously wants. Instead he lifts his hand and slowly licks his fingers clean, delighting in the way Ryan’s pupils dilate at the action. Chad smiles cockily.
“Don’t get a big head, Danforth,” Ryan warns, pulling on his clothes with practiced ease. “I’ve had better.”
“Guess I’ll have to try again then,” Chad responds.
Ryan almost stumbles on his way out the door.
***
Chad hasn’t seen Ryan since he left on Thursday and it’s now Monday. His head is a mess and he managed to come out to Troy over the weekend. Somehow, in the middle of one-on-one, ‘Hey, so Troy, I’m gay’ sort of slipped out. It went better than he’d imagined, with Troy’s complete, almost blithe acceptance, but now he and Gabriella keep talking about setting Chad up with a nice boy. He hasn’t told them yet that he doesn’t want a ‘nice boy’. He wants a bitchy blond with a sarcastic tongue and an ass that won’t quit.
He is so screwed.
Ryan saunters into home room with Sharpay just seconds before the bell rings and Chad can’t breathe for a moment. He looks amazing and, fuck, is that eyeliner? Delicately smudged, making his eyes look even bluer than usual. He gracefully slides into his seat and slides an amused look over at Chad who fights not to flush.
It’s a good thing Chad and Ryan only have one class together because Ryan has a way of making Chad stupid. He passes in the hall and all thoughts abandon Chad’s head. Troy keeps asking if he’s alright. Chad lies through his teeth and tells him he’s fine, everything’s great, he got an A on his English assignment after all.
“Guess that tutoring thing worked out, huh?”
Chad swallows hard and nods. “Yeah,” he mutters.
“Ryan’s really smart. You’re lucky you got him to tutor you. Everyone thinks he’s only good at drama stuff but he’s pulling a 4.0,” Troy enthuses.
Chad glares. “Who are you, his publicist?”
Troy blinks at him. “Did something happen?”
“It’s been a little rough,” Chad admits. “We don’t exactly getting along.”
“Sexual tension?” Troy jokes.
Chad opens his mouth to reply and then realizes he has no idea how to answer that. He should blow it off, make it a joke, but that feels wrong somehow. He also can’t admit that he wants Ryan more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life and it’s killing him. Instead he just walks away and hopes that Troy doesn’t follow him.
***
It takes three weeks of furtive blowjobs and making out in secret before Chad decides he’s had enough. Ryan’s flippancy is killing him a little bit each time and he’s the first to admit that he’s out of his league. Apparently Chad is the serious relationship type, which is as much of a surprise to him as anybody, and every single one of Ryan’s references to his prior experience is like a knife in his chest.
“We need to talk,” Chad announces.
Ryan lifts an eyebrow and affects a bored expression. “Getting too hot for you, Danforth? Need to get out of the kitchen?”
Chad takes a deep, calming breath. “Just shut up, okay? I’m getting a C in English and I don’t need any more tutoring and this needs to stop.”
Ryan sneers. “Missing your closet? Afraid your boy crush will find out?”
“Troy knows. He wants to set me up with his cousin or something this weekend. I think I’m going to do it.”
“What?” Ryan gaping like a fish should be deeply satisfying, but Chad is too tired and depressed to enjoy it properly.
“I’m going to be totally honest here, okay? You can mock me once I’m done. I know you’ll want to.” Chad takes another deep breath. He’s a little light headed. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but here goes. I can’t take the random, meaningless hooking up anymore. It doesn’t mean anything and that hurts, okay? I mean, it’s flattering that you want me, but apparently I’m just another fling in a long line of guys and I think I need to be more than that to someone.”
“I. You. Um.” Ryan flounders a little.
“You can have anyone you want. You’re smart and hot and I’m half in love with you and I need to get out before I do something stupid like follow you around like Zeke follows Sharpay.” Chad forces himself to look at Ryan.
Shockingly, Ryan looks like he’s going to cry. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
It’s Chad’s turn to not know what the hell is going on. “Huh?”
“I’ve been acting like an asshole because I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me and it was kind of fun for a while, having you on a string, but I shouldn’t have taken it as far as I did.” He looks miserable.
“Acting?” Hope wells in Chad’s chest and he tries to squash it.
Ryan bites his lip. “That is what I do.”
“All those other guys?”
Ryan blushes a little. “I’ve only been with, like, two people before you. I’m not experienced at all.”
Chad tentatively takes a step toward the other boy. “That’s still enough to make me crazy jealous. I don’t want anyone else touching you. Ever.”
“Really?” Ryan’s smile is tentative, hopeful. “I mean, you want to…”
“Take you out? Make out with you in the back row at the movies? Spend time just talking to you without bitching at each other? Yeah. All of that. And, you know, the sex part is kind of awesome too.” Chad can feel his face burning with embarrassment.
He forgets about being embarrassed when Ryan launches himself at Chad, nearly knocking them both over, and wraps his arms around Chad’s neck. Ryan is warm and smells amazing and Chad knows he’s asking for trouble, but Ryan’s lips are right there and how can he help but kiss them?
“I’m kind of in love with you,” Ryan murmurs, blushing.
“Thought you didn’t spend the last three months harboring an unrequited crush on me,” Chad teases.
Ryan blushes harder and fuck if it isn’t completely adorable. “Try a year. Maybe longer.”
“What?” Chad stares at him. “A year?”
“Maybe longer,” Ryan repeats. “Besides, it’s not unrequited anymore, right?”
Chad grins and tightens his grip on Ryan’s waist. “Definitely not.”