taking a page from atabei's book and cross-posting

Aug 16, 2005 07:26

absbookcrosser has really been making me think lately. In a recent journal entry, she talked about how when people lose someone, they often respond by saying that God is testing them. She's right -- this does seem to be a common theme. She also referred to Job of the Bible (an Old Testament character, known for his suffering). Below are some of or parts of the comments I've written in her recent journal entries. Thanks, abs for bringing up this discussion. I'm so sorry for the "why".

I don't believe God "takes people away" from us for testing. To assume He is giving us Job-like tests is assuming a lot about our own selves.

The Job story (paraphrased): Job is a faithful believer, and very wealthy. Satan dares God to take away all material blessings from Job to test the strength of his faith. Satan basically said to God, "of course Job worships you -- he has everything" so God allowed Satan to take away what Job had (basically everything but killed him) and then they saw that Job still worshipped God. Many people mistakenly assume that God is the one who took his family, his possessions, etc. Not true. Satan did.

Many times I've heard I Corinthians 10:13 applied to this type of situation. It's appropriate not just for temptation, but for sorrow too:
NIV: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
NKJV: No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

This is a powerful principle, I think, and one I've tried to remember since I learned it. God does not allow anything to happen to us that we are not capable of withstanding, whether on our own or with His assistance. gotquestions.org says: So, anything that comes our way, anything that tempts us, any tragedy that befalls us - we are capable of overcoming it and achieving spiritual victory.

I'll say it again: God is not "taking people away" from us. We live in a fallen world where there is sickness and death and accidents and sadness. And God allows these things to happen because He has given us free will. He's not a puppetmaster keeping his dolls happy and alive for His own amusement. He created us to live in community with Him, to "glorify Him and enjoy Him forever" (Westminster catechism). But it is up to us to choose to do these things. He will not force us to worship Him, or turn to Him, or even to accept what He can offer.

How do I handle grieving? I'm with Yoko on this one -- not much helps. But time does allow the pain to lessen. Not so much with intensity, but there are longer periods of time in between each painful instance. Since for me it was my father who died most recently, I'm comforted by songs like the Hillsongs one where the chorus reminds me

You're a Father to the fatherless,
Comforter to the lone-ly,
The lift-er of my head

I'm also comforted by honesty. The first time I saw my best friend after my dad died, she hugged me and said, "this sucks." Oh, how I needed permission to think that! Don't be afraid to say something simple and truthful like that to people. It may be exactly what they need to hear. Platitudes (true or not) are often not comforting. Saying how you really feel is. Or is as much as it can be.

Last, I came across a beautiful "live" expression of a part of a message I heard once. I hope this makes sense, because the comments I saw in abs' journal and the comments I've seen in response to similar grieving journal entries make me think of this:

John Ortberg, former teaching pastor at our church in Chicago, once taught a great message on Job (yes, he's still on my mind). When he got to the end of Job 2, he described Job's friends coming to be with him.
11 Now when Job's three friends heard . . . they came each from his own place . . . They made an appointment together to come to condole with him and comfort him. 12 . . . and they raised their voices and wept; and they rent their robes and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven. 13 And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.

Ortberg said that that was the original "small group" (small groups in churches are just smaller parts of the larger congregation, where you can develop deeper relationships and sometimes a second "family"). The point was that they just came and sat with him. Sat with him for 7 days, no less. Not saying a word. And this is what I think we often do for each other. I know I have seen it here, and it warms my heart. Sometimes our friends post things that are heartbreaking, heart-wrenching, and sad. And all we can really do is go sit with them. Which I think is a good thing to do.

grief

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