Dissatisfaction.

[antixwood]

I wish I could say that I'm not happy with the way things are around me, but that would be a lie.

I'm just not happy with myself.  I don't understand why I continue to set myself up for failure.

For example, I plan ahead to go out on a jobsearch at a specific time.....then end up staying awake all night.  I lay down for just a nap before I go, and then end up killing the alarm I set and sleeping til 5 or 6 in the evening.

That being said, I am proud of myself for sticking to my new running regimen.  Except for tonight (it being our rest night) I've been going out walking/jogging/running with my roommate James the past week or so, doing at least 2 miles a night in preparation for going into the Nay's Nuclear Program.

I have a plan for the future that should help me fix my past mistakes and get me back on track...the trouble is, I have to survive until then.

I refuse to lean on the support of others.  I hate being dependent more than anything else, because I end up resenting the people I'm dependent on, and that's just not right.

So in other words, I've GOT to find a job, and I've GOT to make myself get out there and do more than put in one ore two application in a day.

I just don't know how to get myself moving.  Sigh.