I need I want I can't
I need to be working on my lab report. I can't find it in me to be too concerned cuz I know I'm gonna do badly on it, and when there's so many points and they take off so many points, its hard to fully envision what your grade is and what its gonna be like. Thats okay, i don't need to do well, just better than everyone else. which im not doing. I miss that.
im not being arrogant
and i always hated any attention i got, and its not that i want academic attention, i just miss doing better than barely scraping it. everyone's getting invited to these honors things or recognized somehow, and I've got nothing. ANd i know, i know, i know its my fault. its all my fault like always. and theres nothing i can do but be better, right? And that better used to be so easy, I didn't know what i had.
I actually think this would be easier, if i had gone into college with low expectations, but I feel like everyone's thinking I'm gonne be something, and that they should be making something out of me, but here I am no better than you (collective). Like even at the poster session, almost everyone I knew that participated won something, except me. ANd i guess it doesn't Bother me too Much. but still, i'm in adequate. oh, shure, i could tell myself, that it was just because the judge didn't know anything about what i was talking about, and I suppose that could actually be true.and see, here i am not letting this Bother me.
It doesn't Bother me
Its just an easily identifiable symptom
im concerned that i've wasted half of my college career already, and have not made anything of myself. wow, and my wrist hurts. so obviously i need to stop typing.
since i still have a lab report to write (it woudl be ideal to finish it mostly tonite and tomorrow morning sinc eI have little done, and much to do. so I 'm not longer inadequate and im done done done
And when i finish my report rapport, ill be able to take fake benedrylls again. im in agony from being drug free all day with my outrageous sneezes and constant nose
CAN You smell the springtime?
Hah. i like to use <> and it magically italicized for me which i realizedc when i wanted to italicize you.
im not being arrogant
and i always hated any attention i got, and its not that i want academic attention, i just miss doing better than barely scraping it. everyone's getting invited to these honors things or recognized somehow, and I've got nothing. ANd i know, i know, i know its my fault. its all my fault like always. and theres nothing i can do but be better, right? And that better used to be so easy, I didn't know what i had.
I actually think this would be easier, if i had gone into college with low expectations, but I feel like everyone's thinking I'm gonne be something, and that they should be making something out of me, but here I am no better than you (collective). Like even at the poster session, almost everyone I knew that participated won something, except me. ANd i guess it doesn't Bother me too Much. but still, i'm in adequate. oh, shure, i could tell myself, that it was just because the judge didn't know anything about what i was talking about, and I suppose that could actually be true.and see, here i am not letting this Bother me.
It doesn't Bother me
Its just an easily identifiable symptom
im concerned that i've wasted half of my college career already, and have not made anything of myself. wow, and my wrist hurts. so obviously i need to stop typing.
since i still have a lab report to write (it woudl be ideal to finish it mostly tonite and tomorrow morning sinc eI have little done, and much to do. so I 'm not longer inadequate and im done done done
And when i finish my report rapport, ill be able to take fake benedrylls again. im in agony from being drug free all day with my outrageous sneezes and constant nose
CAN You smell the springtime?
Hah. i like to use <> and it magically italicized for me which i realizedc when i wanted to italicize you.