My greatest fear in the entire world.
Between my endless ushering for Frederick I found time to write this. I told Frederick today my greatest fear in the entire world. It's not snakes, spiders, insects, or for some people frogs. No I felt that I needed to tell the world because I find myself unique in this matter. I can't think of anything else in the world I am afraid of. Not even death. I came to except that when my dog died. I think if I died right now the only think I would regret would be the fact that I have yet to feel the warmth of a woman.
But my greatest fear. Is that I see a woman crying that I love, that I have feelings for and knowing that it is my fault. It seems lame, it seems made up. But it is the truth. I can't find anything worse in the world besides hurting someone you love so much, someone you devote your life to as to make them cry and hurt. If I would ever cause that I would most likely sit in a corner of my room and listen to baby please don't go, in tears myself for at least a few days before I beg for their forgiveness. I can normally not feel bad about anything, but if I let my guard down and let you in and I start to care for you and I hurt you. That would plague me forever, always hang over my head, a stricken dark cloud of resentment that follows me everywhere as a reminder of what I did.
I don't know if this is unhealthy or anything. But this is how I feel. I think this is one reason why I am glad that I have always been single. I have come to realize this rather than make the mistake before ignorance fled and living with the mistake and heartbreak.
So there you have it. I think that makes me way ahead of the game of every male in the entire world, the most compatible male in the world. Which makes it all the more strange that I am single. I just hope that this won't turn into a curse and will be a very good thing.
Because of it I will never yell, never hit, never scream at, never crush any female that I have let inside. I hope this turns out to be the good think I hope it is.
But my greatest fear. Is that I see a woman crying that I love, that I have feelings for and knowing that it is my fault. It seems lame, it seems made up. But it is the truth. I can't find anything worse in the world besides hurting someone you love so much, someone you devote your life to as to make them cry and hurt. If I would ever cause that I would most likely sit in a corner of my room and listen to baby please don't go, in tears myself for at least a few days before I beg for their forgiveness. I can normally not feel bad about anything, but if I let my guard down and let you in and I start to care for you and I hurt you. That would plague me forever, always hang over my head, a stricken dark cloud of resentment that follows me everywhere as a reminder of what I did.
I don't know if this is unhealthy or anything. But this is how I feel. I think this is one reason why I am glad that I have always been single. I have come to realize this rather than make the mistake before ignorance fled and living with the mistake and heartbreak.
So there you have it. I think that makes me way ahead of the game of every male in the entire world, the most compatible male in the world. Which makes it all the more strange that I am single. I just hope that this won't turn into a curse and will be a very good thing.
Because of it I will never yell, never hit, never scream at, never crush any female that I have let inside. I hope this turns out to be the good think I hope it is.