Our pal Gloria's just so sucessful
In general I don't pay much attention to what our dear friend Gloria Tesch is doing, but I have an enthusiastic commenter on my YouTube who seems to keep tabs on her and tells me things pretty frequently. I usually don't follow up on his tips because I don't care, but I thought I'd share this amusing nugget with you. Via her public Facebook:
Gloria, dear, you should really learn to spell "successful" if you want to use it to describe your activities. I thought you were in the writing biz.
I always find it amusing when she does this "people from [buzzword city]" thing; she did the same thing in the bogus "trailer" as well. The fake host from the fake show said "moguls from New York to Hollywood are weighing in, and I am told there are offers already ON . . . THE . . . TABLE." (Followed by that unintentionally hilarious cigar-smoking dude who was apparently supposed to be a Movie Person fishing Gloria Tesch's manuscripts out of the trash can and declaring her a "billion-dollar industry." That was a few years ago now and she hasn't made the movie or any money.) In another place on one of her sites, she said she'd gotten an offer "from New York" but it was too low so they wouldn't take it.
I guess that's why they're financing the entire thing themselves and now Gloria is playing her own main character. Well, of course she is. Her description of the character is "Tall, slender built, beautiful features, sandy blonde hair color." I bet it took the team forever to figure out who they could get to play the lead.
I find this particularly hilarious partly because PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO BE FROM NEW YORK OR L.A. ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS, and she's trying SO hard to lead people to false conclusions without actually naming any names. You know what? I have an aunt in New York City and a sister in San Francisco, and I could very easily say "You know, wink wink, I have some very interested parties in New York and California who are following the development of my book VERY closely." And it would be true!
If she was getting interest from a recognizable organization, she'd say who it is. But she can't, because they're random people her family has hired, not people who are out to pay her and acquire her ideas for production. She's being vague about who's involved because she has to be. My book is currently being considered by three major publishers and a film agency. If I want to talk about how the process is going, I don't say "People from New York to L.A. are considering my book!" I say "The book is being considered by HarperCollins, Hyperion, and Bloomsbury. The movie rights are being considered by the Gersh Agency." All those publishers are in New York, NY. Gersh is in Beverly Hills and New York. Why does she think we'll be tricked into believing she's involved with important people just because she mentions cities? You can't GET these places to pay attention to your work without agency representation (which she doesn't have), because they don't take unsolicited manuscripts. (Look up Gersh sometime. They're almost mean about telling you so and might as well be telling you to f off, like "if you send us anything we will seriously throw that shit away." Harper is a big sweetheart about it and almost apologizes, but they still won't read you if you're Tesch.)
Another one of Gloria's recent posts:
Gloria! You forgot the #selfsatisfied and #braggart hashtags!
(What is "swasted"?)
I really wonder when I look at her statements like this online whether she buys into her own act. Does she actually think she is a big deal, or is she well aware that she isn't but believes her attention-getting stunts are convincing? Not to mention that she claimed to have graduated high school last year (as valedictorian, of course), so why is she comparing herself to high school students while being like "ho-hum, people are such losers and I'm so sucessful!"
::hands Gloria a second C, which is similar to the grade she'd probably get on a spelling test right now::
I wouldn't normally be so petty as to pick on people's spelling so much (okay, yeah, I would), but really, she's ragging on the low standards of high school students when she writes like this and thinks writing is going to be her career? It just makes me sad, because she's now a legal adult but apparently in her mind she is still living a dreamy fantasy where she is the celebrated author of multiple critically acclaimed books; has become a screenwriter, actress, and director; and of course does modeling on the side. (Pleaaaaaaase, Gloria, you seriously should just chase that modeling career. You will do so much better if you're involved in something where you do not have to use your verbal skills.)
And then there's this:
Stop it, Gloria. You don't have deadlines. Well, not the way you're trying to make it seem like you do, anyway.
Really wish she would stop writing things that imply that professionals are demanding her work and that anyone cares whether she finishes it by a certain time. Though I can see her failure to finish something on time inconveniencing the actors she's hired, and that's not the same thing as a professional deadline. The whole thing is just sad. I know a lot of us in this community were really hoping that when Gloria got older this kind of bull would STOP and she would go to college and either do something else or actually learn to write (and HOPEFULLY find some humility and get a realistic sense of the world). But it appears that isn't happening and she's just going to stay like this until wherever the money's coming from dries up.
:(
Gloria, dear, you should really learn to spell "successful" if you want to use it to describe your activities. I thought you were in the writing biz.
I always find it amusing when she does this "people from [buzzword city]" thing; she did the same thing in the bogus "trailer" as well. The fake host from the fake show said "moguls from New York to Hollywood are weighing in, and I am told there are offers already ON . . . THE . . . TABLE." (Followed by that unintentionally hilarious cigar-smoking dude who was apparently supposed to be a Movie Person fishing Gloria Tesch's manuscripts out of the trash can and declaring her a "billion-dollar industry." That was a few years ago now and she hasn't made the movie or any money.) In another place on one of her sites, she said she'd gotten an offer "from New York" but it was too low so they wouldn't take it.
I guess that's why they're financing the entire thing themselves and now Gloria is playing her own main character. Well, of course she is. Her description of the character is "Tall, slender built, beautiful features, sandy blonde hair color." I bet it took the team forever to figure out who they could get to play the lead.
I find this particularly hilarious partly because PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO BE FROM NEW YORK OR L.A. ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS, and she's trying SO hard to lead people to false conclusions without actually naming any names. You know what? I have an aunt in New York City and a sister in San Francisco, and I could very easily say "You know, wink wink, I have some very interested parties in New York and California who are following the development of my book VERY closely." And it would be true!
If she was getting interest from a recognizable organization, she'd say who it is. But she can't, because they're random people her family has hired, not people who are out to pay her and acquire her ideas for production. She's being vague about who's involved because she has to be. My book is currently being considered by three major publishers and a film agency. If I want to talk about how the process is going, I don't say "People from New York to L.A. are considering my book!" I say "The book is being considered by HarperCollins, Hyperion, and Bloomsbury. The movie rights are being considered by the Gersh Agency." All those publishers are in New York, NY. Gersh is in Beverly Hills and New York. Why does she think we'll be tricked into believing she's involved with important people just because she mentions cities? You can't GET these places to pay attention to your work without agency representation (which she doesn't have), because they don't take unsolicited manuscripts. (Look up Gersh sometime. They're almost mean about telling you so and might as well be telling you to f off, like "if you send us anything we will seriously throw that shit away." Harper is a big sweetheart about it and almost apologizes, but they still won't read you if you're Tesch.)
Another one of Gloria's recent posts:
Gloria! You forgot the #selfsatisfied and #braggart hashtags!
(What is "swasted"?)
I really wonder when I look at her statements like this online whether she buys into her own act. Does she actually think she is a big deal, or is she well aware that she isn't but believes her attention-getting stunts are convincing? Not to mention that she claimed to have graduated high school last year (as valedictorian, of course), so why is she comparing herself to high school students while being like "ho-hum, people are such losers and I'm so sucessful!"
::hands Gloria a second C, which is similar to the grade she'd probably get on a spelling test right now::
I wouldn't normally be so petty as to pick on people's spelling so much (okay, yeah, I would), but really, she's ragging on the low standards of high school students when she writes like this and thinks writing is going to be her career? It just makes me sad, because she's now a legal adult but apparently in her mind she is still living a dreamy fantasy where she is the celebrated author of multiple critically acclaimed books; has become a screenwriter, actress, and director; and of course does modeling on the side. (Pleaaaaaaase, Gloria, you seriously should just chase that modeling career. You will do so much better if you're involved in something where you do not have to use your verbal skills.)
And then there's this:
Stop it, Gloria. You don't have deadlines. Well, not the way you're trying to make it seem like you do, anyway.
Really wish she would stop writing things that imply that professionals are demanding her work and that anyone cares whether she finishes it by a certain time. Though I can see her failure to finish something on time inconveniencing the actors she's hired, and that's not the same thing as a professional deadline. The whole thing is just sad. I know a lot of us in this community were really hoping that when Gloria got older this kind of bull would STOP and she would go to college and either do something else or actually learn to write (and HOPEFULLY find some humility and get a realistic sense of the world). But it appears that isn't happening and she's just going to stay like this until wherever the money's coming from dries up.
:(