Harsh realizations...
It's been a weird night. I got home from work, and relaxed. I've been lying in bed, but I can't sleep.
Something happened to me tonight while at work. A guy I knew from high school came in. Not someone that I was exceptionally close to, but someone who I feel confidant calling a friend. We talked briefly, catching up. I was happy to hear that he was pretty sure he had a job lined up. A real job. A grown up job.
Then I realized that I'm kind of a loser. I'm a year behind in school, staring down the barrel of not getting into grad school, I still live with my mother, and I'm a part time manager at a music store. So why am I happier than I've been in a long time?
It's true. When I get up, I look forward to going to work. I enjoy myself at work. I'm actually doing pretty good at work. I don't mind that I'm not in school at the moment. Sure, you could argue that I've gotten kind of boring. All I do is go to work and listen to records or watch movies, I seldom go out(this week being the exception to that), and I don't have any side projects going at all. But I'm happy. More or less. I have some complications, but all in all, I'm pretty pleased.
So what do I do? Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly certain I don't want to work at the store for the rest of my life, and I know I'm going to go back to school and get my degree. I'm also pretty sure that I want to go to grad school. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet. In all honesty, I don't know what I'm ready for, but I suppose that's what this is all about. Uncertainty. But I'm feeling better about myself now than I have in quite some time. I'm not a loser. Maybe I dress like one sometimes... but I'm not a loser.
I'm kind of happy.
Something happened to me tonight while at work. A guy I knew from high school came in. Not someone that I was exceptionally close to, but someone who I feel confidant calling a friend. We talked briefly, catching up. I was happy to hear that he was pretty sure he had a job lined up. A real job. A grown up job.
Then I realized that I'm kind of a loser. I'm a year behind in school, staring down the barrel of not getting into grad school, I still live with my mother, and I'm a part time manager at a music store. So why am I happier than I've been in a long time?
It's true. When I get up, I look forward to going to work. I enjoy myself at work. I'm actually doing pretty good at work. I don't mind that I'm not in school at the moment. Sure, you could argue that I've gotten kind of boring. All I do is go to work and listen to records or watch movies, I seldom go out(this week being the exception to that), and I don't have any side projects going at all. But I'm happy. More or less. I have some complications, but all in all, I'm pretty pleased.
So what do I do? Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly certain I don't want to work at the store for the rest of my life, and I know I'm going to go back to school and get my degree. I'm also pretty sure that I want to go to grad school. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet. In all honesty, I don't know what I'm ready for, but I suppose that's what this is all about. Uncertainty. But I'm feeling better about myself now than I have in quite some time. I'm not a loser. Maybe I dress like one sometimes... but I'm not a loser.
I'm kind of happy.