(no subject)
I don't like my friends.
I don't mean to say that I don't care about them, or that I don't enjoy hanging out with them. This doesn't even mean that I don't respect them.
But I still don't like them. Sometimes, I feel I ended up, in some cosmic joke, with people who I will never get along with. It's like, somehow my entire identity is wrapped up in what I'm NOT, if I'm not an antagonist, I don't know what I am.
Yesterday, I went to play D&D. I walked all the way from Abbot to the 72-unit, across campus (car's still not functioning, and for whatever stupid reason, the night bus doesn't run on Friday nights). It wasn't too bad, the weather was pretty warm; and I had my iPod to keep me company. But when I got to the apartment, I realized: I didn't want to be there. I wanted to turn around, and walk home, or walk to a bar and go dancing, or watch a movie, or do homework. Anything. And the second moment that I walked into the door, my resolution was just hardened. I don't know what it is: maybe the fact that we seemed to be having the same conversations, the same arguments, the same monsters. It wasn't...fun. The barely restrained contempt that Andrew has for me. My patience being tried with Jeremy again, as he begins to spout off in his annoying, of-course-I-know-this, bow-to-me-I'm-so-smart, which in and of itself would not be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that he's a little bit of an idiot. And he gets annoyed when we ignore him (which is the only way we can continue to put up with his exsistence w/o killing him or banging our heads against the table).
I don't like violence, I don't like video game as much, and I don't want to grow up oppressed in my life. Nor do I wish to opress others. But they all agree: humans will always be violent, there will always be war, there will always be murder. The only way to live is to make sure you're the one doing the killing/oppressing. And even if they're wrong, they self-perpetuate this idea. If they stopped, then maybe peace would actually have a chance. But I don't seem to be doing a very good job of convinicng them of this.
On Fine Dry Twit, they keep talking about how accepting of Jesus is the only way to get through life. But, Jesus is annoying. There's no other way to put it: their version of Christianity is about the most oppressive thing I could think of.
Live free or die. Yet, I'm supposed to opress or be opressed for the good of society. I think they might be right, and where does that leave me?
I don't mean to say that I don't care about them, or that I don't enjoy hanging out with them. This doesn't even mean that I don't respect them.
But I still don't like them. Sometimes, I feel I ended up, in some cosmic joke, with people who I will never get along with. It's like, somehow my entire identity is wrapped up in what I'm NOT, if I'm not an antagonist, I don't know what I am.
Yesterday, I went to play D&D. I walked all the way from Abbot to the 72-unit, across campus (car's still not functioning, and for whatever stupid reason, the night bus doesn't run on Friday nights). It wasn't too bad, the weather was pretty warm; and I had my iPod to keep me company. But when I got to the apartment, I realized: I didn't want to be there. I wanted to turn around, and walk home, or walk to a bar and go dancing, or watch a movie, or do homework. Anything. And the second moment that I walked into the door, my resolution was just hardened. I don't know what it is: maybe the fact that we seemed to be having the same conversations, the same arguments, the same monsters. It wasn't...fun. The barely restrained contempt that Andrew has for me. My patience being tried with Jeremy again, as he begins to spout off in his annoying, of-course-I-know-this, bow-to-me-I'm-so-smart, which in and of itself would not be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that he's a little bit of an idiot. And he gets annoyed when we ignore him (which is the only way we can continue to put up with his exsistence w/o killing him or banging our heads against the table).
I don't like violence, I don't like video game as much, and I don't want to grow up oppressed in my life. Nor do I wish to opress others. But they all agree: humans will always be violent, there will always be war, there will always be murder. The only way to live is to make sure you're the one doing the killing/oppressing. And even if they're wrong, they self-perpetuate this idea. If they stopped, then maybe peace would actually have a chance. But I don't seem to be doing a very good job of convinicng them of this.
On Fine Dry Twit, they keep talking about how accepting of Jesus is the only way to get through life. But, Jesus is annoying. There's no other way to put it: their version of Christianity is about the most oppressive thing I could think of.
Live free or die. Yet, I'm supposed to opress or be opressed for the good of society. I think they might be right, and where does that leave me?