if you love something give it away
ugh.. i just had the longest talk with someone who's been crossed in love. never an easy topic of conversation. i think it's arguably the hardest thing one can go through- getting dumped by someone you really love. so so painful- and i haven't even had the full blast of it yet. itll happen eventually i'm sure- i'm the type of person who has a really hard time finding that person- but when they come along i fall hard. meanwhile casual dating is a vague amusement, when its not completely exasperating and annoying. haha. i also think its arguable that platonic love is the purest form there is. there's no expectations or jealousy or deceit. no baggage or strings. thats why there are those people i would never ever get together with under any circumstance. well, i know that stuff happens sometimes, but its only a matter of time before you regret it. you can never ever go back after the line's been crossed. you can eventually become friends again but it never goes back to the way it used to be. ah well, enough love talk for one sitting.
i had the most AMAZING day today. did pilates this morning then i was going to walk to people's books on the east side for some serious exploration, but on the way i caught a whiff of the lake and decided to walk down there instead. i hadn't been to the lake since before winter. i planned to just walk this really scenic trail i used to take and come home again, but when i got there i knew i had to stay a while. off came the shoes and socks, up rolled the pant legs. i went about halfway down the beach and just looked for a long long time then sat down and looked some more. it was one of those moments that all artists try to capture at some point. the headphones seemed extranious to the occasion so i removed them. there was the tan sand, the blue water, and the blue sky. nothing but sand and some patches of grass and trees for miles. there were no boats but pleny of seagulls. i dug my toes into the sand, which was seasonably soft and cool. i stood up and went wading for a while, sat back down again. dug my fingernails into the beach. watched a man and woman and 2 or 3 year old kid playing together in the distance. time ceased to be a property of existance. all sense of responsibility and obligation blew away and niether the past nor future had any effect on the present. all that mattered was me and this moment. my senses were fine tuned to the rhythm of the waves and wind; i drifted into a state of euphoric relaxation. i dunno how long i sat there- not thinking, just BEING. it didn't matter that i'd have to put wet feet back into socks or clean the sand out of my fingernails later. i was completely calm and serene and confident, and felt healthier and breathed deeper than i had in months (the pilates definitely added to this- nothing better than every muscle beeling tight after a good work out). anyway, eventually i got cold and walked back home. took a bath (yes- a bath! was groovy.) and relaxed for a while longer afterwards. the rest of the day was normal for a day off- read and wrote, washed dishes and knitted a bit- but i moved through the hours feeling about twice alive as usual. it was really wonderful. i think i should make an effort of doing this from time to time- its so important to just get away from your everyday surroundings and outside your head every once in a while. puts everything into perspective. brings us out of our self-centricity, if only for a moment. ahhh.. i guess i'm still reveling in it.
i had the most AMAZING day today. did pilates this morning then i was going to walk to people's books on the east side for some serious exploration, but on the way i caught a whiff of the lake and decided to walk down there instead. i hadn't been to the lake since before winter. i planned to just walk this really scenic trail i used to take and come home again, but when i got there i knew i had to stay a while. off came the shoes and socks, up rolled the pant legs. i went about halfway down the beach and just looked for a long long time then sat down and looked some more. it was one of those moments that all artists try to capture at some point. the headphones seemed extranious to the occasion so i removed them. there was the tan sand, the blue water, and the blue sky. nothing but sand and some patches of grass and trees for miles. there were no boats but pleny of seagulls. i dug my toes into the sand, which was seasonably soft and cool. i stood up and went wading for a while, sat back down again. dug my fingernails into the beach. watched a man and woman and 2 or 3 year old kid playing together in the distance. time ceased to be a property of existance. all sense of responsibility and obligation blew away and niether the past nor future had any effect on the present. all that mattered was me and this moment. my senses were fine tuned to the rhythm of the waves and wind; i drifted into a state of euphoric relaxation. i dunno how long i sat there- not thinking, just BEING. it didn't matter that i'd have to put wet feet back into socks or clean the sand out of my fingernails later. i was completely calm and serene and confident, and felt healthier and breathed deeper than i had in months (the pilates definitely added to this- nothing better than every muscle beeling tight after a good work out). anyway, eventually i got cold and walked back home. took a bath (yes- a bath! was groovy.) and relaxed for a while longer afterwards. the rest of the day was normal for a day off- read and wrote, washed dishes and knitted a bit- but i moved through the hours feeling about twice alive as usual. it was really wonderful. i think i should make an effort of doing this from time to time- its so important to just get away from your everyday surroundings and outside your head every once in a while. puts everything into perspective. brings us out of our self-centricity, if only for a moment. ahhh.. i guess i'm still reveling in it.