Daily thoughts
I did a good job yesterday. I went to book club - whoo hoo! It was fun, although I had high school flashbacks. There was a woman attending for the first time and she didn't have the book club version of the book, so rather than thumbing through her version during the discussion, she kept leaning over and trying to read form my copy. It felt like back in high school when guys were always trying to cheat off of my test. I thought it was very strange. I didn't have the book club version of Othello and I managed to follow along with that discussion just fine!
I'm also kind of proud of myself - although some shame and regret has creapt in there too. There's a recycling event at work so I brought in the old TV, DVD player, and vacuum I've been trying to get rid of. The TV is one of the old kinds so it's big and heavy. I brought it to the drop off area on a cart and then cleared off a space for it. As I turned around to get ready to pick up the behemouth, someone walked over and put their small box in the empty space! And I said something. Go me! I think I was polite and matter of fact when I said, I just cleared that to use for my TV. He said what? So I repeated myself. He huffed a little when he moved his box but I feel 98% proud and only 2% guilty so major progress for me!!!!
I was also deliberate with the food yesterday. I brought a snack bar for a snack for book club, but I acknowledged that someone would probably bring snacks and that it would be OK if I participated. I want to be realistic - not rigid. It's another fine line. It's fine to participate and have occasional treats. It's another to contantly indulge and use excuses. The person who was supposed to bring the food didn't show up so it ended up a moot point anyway. Part of the issue too is not wanting to stand out. I live in fear of making myself noticed - especially for not eating. That's feels like I'm exclamining - I have a weight problem! Which is also stupid because I don't. Although I definitely could swing back that way, hence making food and exercise part of the deliberate life. I just want to be an active participant in my own life. And I really need to be an activie particpant in work so once again the trick is to make small enough changes that they're sustainable and not overwhelming.
I'm also kind of proud of myself - although some shame and regret has creapt in there too. There's a recycling event at work so I brought in the old TV, DVD player, and vacuum I've been trying to get rid of. The TV is one of the old kinds so it's big and heavy. I brought it to the drop off area on a cart and then cleared off a space for it. As I turned around to get ready to pick up the behemouth, someone walked over and put their small box in the empty space! And I said something. Go me! I think I was polite and matter of fact when I said, I just cleared that to use for my TV. He said what? So I repeated myself. He huffed a little when he moved his box but I feel 98% proud and only 2% guilty so major progress for me!!!!
I was also deliberate with the food yesterday. I brought a snack bar for a snack for book club, but I acknowledged that someone would probably bring snacks and that it would be OK if I participated. I want to be realistic - not rigid. It's another fine line. It's fine to participate and have occasional treats. It's another to contantly indulge and use excuses. The person who was supposed to bring the food didn't show up so it ended up a moot point anyway. Part of the issue too is not wanting to stand out. I live in fear of making myself noticed - especially for not eating. That's feels like I'm exclamining - I have a weight problem! Which is also stupid because I don't. Although I definitely could swing back that way, hence making food and exercise part of the deliberate life. I just want to be an active participant in my own life. And I really need to be an activie particpant in work so once again the trick is to make small enough changes that they're sustainable and not overwhelming.