she can't stop shaking and i can't stop touching her in this time when kindness falls like rain...

[antifiler]

I don’t know how to say what I am thinking
I don’t know what this means
I feel so much pain
it’s such beauty in such pain
and I can’t change it
I can’t fix it
everything I am just curls up in the shower
with the water
mixed with my tears
so much history with so little understanding
I need to understand
maybe if I hold her
just for a while
it feels so real
more than I have before
but I am scared
what should I do
what should I say
I am so scared to move
I might rip something
or she might tear again
and pretend like it’s an old rag anyway
but I want it all
the torn fabric
if I can curl up in something that is real
I long for her realness
I feel like I should be strong
protect her
comfort her
but I am scared
what if she turns away
it doesn’t matter
it’s not all that easy
I’m sick of easy