(no subject)
I haven't been posting very frequently lately even though there has been a tremendous amount going on in my life. So much of it is so difficult to explain and I am so emotionally tired I don't have it in me to write it all out even though it would probably make me feel better. I feel like a train wreck all the time.
Train wrecks always make the front page.
I think I am on the verge of something great. Really great. I have met some new people that are inspiring me and I feel like I need to do new great things to impress them, not because they expect it out of me (for once) but because I want them to think I am good enough to be their friend.
I've been emailing my long time best friend (friends since the 6th grade) again and that is helping. She is living with her army husband in Korea right now and I miss her terribly. She understands me so well.
I'm forcing myself to find time to work on my own projects again. I am restructuring my online presence. I really admire what stars2811 has done to grow her business and brand. She has already been incredibly successful in life and it is so clear that she is doing everything she needs to for that growth to continue. So when she makes suggestions to me about things I can do as I start my massive rebranding, I listen. I'm not sure where I would be without her (and her husband's) help and support. I feel like I actually have a chance to make things work this time.
I'm hardly sleeping. There has been so much on my mind and so much I need to get done. I think I have been dealing with insomnia without realizing it. If I am not feeling tired I keep working. I went to be at 2:30am a few nights ago and woke up at 6:30am without an alarm clock or anything else causing it. I woke up with a head full of frustrated thoughts and unresolved feelings which is when I began to ponder if I was really an insomniac in disguise. I haven't even been feeling sleepy during the day.
That was a bunch of random thoughts for you. I felt like writing tonight.