Of all the things I've lost, I miss my Mom the most.
I wrote this a long time ago about love...
Love.
The word "love" encompasses so many things. Their are so many ways to use it. If you use it with one thing, does it make it less important for another thing? If you use it for a hundred things, does that negate it’s importance all together? No wonder so many people are afraid of the "L" word. I, personally, have never been afraid of the word (or even the emotion) but lately I am seeing how much that word can complicate things.
I am not sure, but I think it’s the eskimoes that have many differant words for the word "love"...maybe that’s snow. Whatever, some language does...and if they don’t, they should. And so should we.
I have shoes that I "love". I have movies/books/TV shows that I "love". I have foods that I "love". I have people that I "love", but all of them I "love" differantly.
If you have a child, you "love" that child much differantly than the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that you "love". In the same kind, you "love" your family (i.e. mother, father, sister, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins) much differantly than you love said child or boyfriend. You even "love" friends differantly than you "love" your family, children, or significant others. And then you "love" each of your friends differantly.
All of these can be broken up into differant kinds of "love". My "love" for my mother is deeper and stonger than that for my aunt, but I still have a deep "love" for my aunt. My "love" for my first boyfriend is much more shallow than that "love" for the "love of my life" but each is very real at the time it is going on, so both are still important. I have friends that I would kill for, and friends that I would help move, and friends that I just enjoy their company. But all of these friends, I still "love". Hell, I even "love" my female friends differantly than I "love" my male friends. And those friends I’ve known longer and/or been through more things with I "love" more than I "love" those new friends. But is it really a messure of who you "love" more? It’s all just differant. "Love" for each person or thing is differant.
And it all hurts. That is why it’s so scary. "Love" hurts. It hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts when you have a fight with a friend, child, family member, or otherwise. It hurts to watch someone you "love" hurt. But each "love", no matter how long you’ve had it or how long you think it’s going to last is important. "Love" is the great equalizer, in all forms; so it should be embraced, not run away from. I just wish we had a few more words for it, so one word couldn’t make or break a person.
...now I have additions to it about loss.
Loss.
The word "loss" can be taken in many ways. Every day, I lose my shoes,
or my car keys, or my will to get out of bed. Each day, we are faced with some form of loss. I
lost $20 cause I was drunk and it dropped out of my pants, I lost my favorite pair
of shoes because I loaned them to someone not so trustworthy, and will never see them again. Or
I lost my virginity, for the 900th time. It’s all a loss, and it all sucks. Hell, I have shoes in my
closet that I am still holding on to one...in the hopes that the second will just suprise me one day
when I need them the most. Will this ever happen? I doubt it, but if I hold on to that one shoe...I haven’t
completely lost the pair. If I hold on to that one earring, or sock, or exboyfriend...
then it’s not a total loss. I have something to hold on to, in the hopes that things will return to
better times. Or if not better, at least the times I am comfortable with.,
But with life, comes loss. Total loss. Complete gutwrenching, want to tear out your hair and scream loss.
Hell, it’s part of living. But hearing "I’m sorry for your loss." over and over when you have actually lost
something and/or someone who mattered is, although comforting, not really beginning to cover the actual
emotion. "I am sorry for your loss" SHOULD be said to someone who stepped in a mud puddle wearing
their favorite shoes. Or to someone who’s boyfriend left them for a bikini model, even (but that should
have an entirely differant phrase, like "thank god you got rid of the douchbag", in my opinion).
The world needs more words for loss. It feels differant to lose your favorite sweater than it does
to grow apart from your best friend. It feels differant to not be as young as your once were than
it does to break up with someone with which you thought it was going to be forever. It feels differant
to lose your house than it does to lose your parent. It is all a loss, and I miss all of these things
in their own way, but it is by no means the same.
Because I am ok losing my keys. I am ok losing my looks. I am not
ok losing my friends or any of my boyfriends...but the word "loss" doesn’t begin to explain how
I feel about the death of my Mommy. And it never will.
Love.
The word "love" encompasses so many things. Their are so many ways to use it. If you use it with one thing, does it make it less important for another thing? If you use it for a hundred things, does that negate it’s importance all together? No wonder so many people are afraid of the "L" word. I, personally, have never been afraid of the word (or even the emotion) but lately I am seeing how much that word can complicate things.
I am not sure, but I think it’s the eskimoes that have many differant words for the word "love"...maybe that’s snow. Whatever, some language does...and if they don’t, they should. And so should we.
I have shoes that I "love". I have movies/books/TV shows that I "love". I have foods that I "love". I have people that I "love", but all of them I "love" differantly.
If you have a child, you "love" that child much differantly than the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that you "love". In the same kind, you "love" your family (i.e. mother, father, sister, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins) much differantly than you love said child or boyfriend. You even "love" friends differantly than you "love" your family, children, or significant others. And then you "love" each of your friends differantly.
All of these can be broken up into differant kinds of "love". My "love" for my mother is deeper and stonger than that for my aunt, but I still have a deep "love" for my aunt. My "love" for my first boyfriend is much more shallow than that "love" for the "love of my life" but each is very real at the time it is going on, so both are still important. I have friends that I would kill for, and friends that I would help move, and friends that I just enjoy their company. But all of these friends, I still "love". Hell, I even "love" my female friends differantly than I "love" my male friends. And those friends I’ve known longer and/or been through more things with I "love" more than I "love" those new friends. But is it really a messure of who you "love" more? It’s all just differant. "Love" for each person or thing is differant.
And it all hurts. That is why it’s so scary. "Love" hurts. It hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts when you have a fight with a friend, child, family member, or otherwise. It hurts to watch someone you "love" hurt. But each "love", no matter how long you’ve had it or how long you think it’s going to last is important. "Love" is the great equalizer, in all forms; so it should be embraced, not run away from. I just wish we had a few more words for it, so one word couldn’t make or break a person.
...now I have additions to it about loss.
Loss.
The word "loss" can be taken in many ways. Every day, I lose my shoes,
or my car keys, or my will to get out of bed. Each day, we are faced with some form of loss. I
lost $20 cause I was drunk and it dropped out of my pants, I lost my favorite pair
of shoes because I loaned them to someone not so trustworthy, and will never see them again. Or
I lost my virginity, for the 900th time. It’s all a loss, and it all sucks. Hell, I have shoes in my
closet that I am still holding on to one...in the hopes that the second will just suprise me one day
when I need them the most. Will this ever happen? I doubt it, but if I hold on to that one shoe...I haven’t
completely lost the pair. If I hold on to that one earring, or sock, or exboyfriend...
then it’s not a total loss. I have something to hold on to, in the hopes that things will return to
better times. Or if not better, at least the times I am comfortable with.,
But with life, comes loss. Total loss. Complete gutwrenching, want to tear out your hair and scream loss.
Hell, it’s part of living. But hearing "I’m sorry for your loss." over and over when you have actually lost
something and/or someone who mattered is, although comforting, not really beginning to cover the actual
emotion. "I am sorry for your loss" SHOULD be said to someone who stepped in a mud puddle wearing
their favorite shoes. Or to someone who’s boyfriend left them for a bikini model, even (but that should
have an entirely differant phrase, like "thank god you got rid of the douchbag", in my opinion).
The world needs more words for loss. It feels differant to lose your favorite sweater than it does
to grow apart from your best friend. It feels differant to not be as young as your once were than
it does to break up with someone with which you thought it was going to be forever. It feels differant
to lose your house than it does to lose your parent. It is all a loss, and I miss all of these things
in their own way, but it is by no means the same.
Because I am ok losing my keys. I am ok losing my looks. I am not
ok losing my friends or any of my boyfriends...but the word "loss" doesn’t begin to explain how
I feel about the death of my Mommy. And it never will.