Buses and Trains
Here's a public transport manifesto:
*I believe that anyone who uses the speaker phone function of their phone on public transport should be fined and charged with disturbing the peace.
*I believe that anyone who uses the speaker phone function of their phone on public transport to play house, dance, rap or r'n'b music should face additional sterilization to prevent that kind of stupidity continuing through the generations.
*I believe that vandalising bus stops and any public transport signs is a special kind of idiocy that anyone with a fully functioning brain and/or anything above a Yr 8 education is unable to understand.
*I believe that smokers should be isolated on public transport for their unfortunate habit of bringing the nauseating smell of cigarette smoke onto the bus/train/tram with them.
*I believe that there should be designated staffed carriage on trains for school kids so that the irritation and inconvenience caused by their yelling and oversized backpacks to other passengers is kept to an absolute minimum.
*I believe that Australia must have gained a reputation for all of its residents knowing the entirety of the nation-wide public transport system that no Australian is aware of.
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: no matter how many people you ask, few will be able to tell you how to get from Northland to High Point or the Queen Victoria Market by bus."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: not all young people of woggish appearance speak Italian/Macedonian/Greek/Polish/Turkish, especially in an English-speaking country like Australia where ENGLISH is the official state language."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: the more people you ask about getting to Tyler St, the more likely you are to find someone who will tell you to fuck off."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: READ the intended destination of any bus before asking if it's going where you want to."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: unlike wherever you come from, the bus will not stop wherever you want it to and the driver, unfortunately, is not equipped with ESP to know your stop when you fail to press the red button or ask for the next stop."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: READ and REMEMBER the number and intended destination of any bus you take anywhere so that you will know which bus to take back to your original location. If necessary, WRITE this down."
*I believe that bus drivers who stop the bus when it's already running late to get themselves a coffee from McDonald's, have a smoke at an unscheduled stop, stop the bus in the middle of Plenty Road to run into a shop to buy a Tattslotto ticket or all of the above should be subject to de-merit point system that can eventually result in them losing their jobs.
*I believe it should be legal for buses to hit cars parked at bus stops, blocking the road, blocking corners and stopped just short of stop signs placed at t-intersections that lead onto busy roads.
*I believe that parking on the road when you have a perfectly nice and vacant driveway you could use should earn you a public flogging.
Finis
*I believe that anyone who uses the speaker phone function of their phone on public transport should be fined and charged with disturbing the peace.
*I believe that anyone who uses the speaker phone function of their phone on public transport to play house, dance, rap or r'n'b music should face additional sterilization to prevent that kind of stupidity continuing through the generations.
*I believe that vandalising bus stops and any public transport signs is a special kind of idiocy that anyone with a fully functioning brain and/or anything above a Yr 8 education is unable to understand.
*I believe that smokers should be isolated on public transport for their unfortunate habit of bringing the nauseating smell of cigarette smoke onto the bus/train/tram with them.
*I believe that there should be designated staffed carriage on trains for school kids so that the irritation and inconvenience caused by their yelling and oversized backpacks to other passengers is kept to an absolute minimum.
*I believe that Australia must have gained a reputation for all of its residents knowing the entirety of the nation-wide public transport system that no Australian is aware of.
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: no matter how many people you ask, few will be able to tell you how to get from Northland to High Point or the Queen Victoria Market by bus."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: not all young people of woggish appearance speak Italian/Macedonian/Greek/Polish/Turkish, especially in an English-speaking country like Australia where ENGLISH is the official state language."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: the more people you ask about getting to Tyler St, the more likely you are to find someone who will tell you to fuck off."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: READ the intended destination of any bus before asking if it's going where you want to."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: unlike wherever you come from, the bus will not stop wherever you want it to and the driver, unfortunately, is not equipped with ESP to know your stop when you fail to press the red button or ask for the next stop."
*I believe that all immigration and travel visas issued for Australia must come with a message saying: "NOTE: READ and REMEMBER the number and intended destination of any bus you take anywhere so that you will know which bus to take back to your original location. If necessary, WRITE this down."
*I believe that bus drivers who stop the bus when it's already running late to get themselves a coffee from McDonald's, have a smoke at an unscheduled stop, stop the bus in the middle of Plenty Road to run into a shop to buy a Tattslotto ticket or all of the above should be subject to de-merit point system that can eventually result in them losing their jobs.
*I believe it should be legal for buses to hit cars parked at bus stops, blocking the road, blocking corners and stopped just short of stop signs placed at t-intersections that lead onto busy roads.
*I believe that parking on the road when you have a perfectly nice and vacant driveway you could use should earn you a public flogging.
Finis