my binges are aplenty

[anti_suicide_kt]

if i could put one finger on every emotion id have 15 hands.
they are all racing for my heart and i can feel the damage
being done. im in this binge of self reflection prompted
by every bodily pain. its so un-original and bland.
at least it feels so. i sleep like a soldier, but aware of
every hint of joy cause i consider it the enemy. i havent a
hint, a miniscule inkling of why.
i get so sad when anything good happens. maybe i know
its temporary. i saw ani again. it was less surreal this time.
its amazing to think that so many people can love one person
so wholy and exactly the same. and now more than ever i just
need to shout. i need to fucking shout about...

FEMINISM

it is its own world.
and ive found it and im sprawled on its
sunny shore in disguise.
"im not free yet" i say to myself
"just a little longer..."
but why

i need new questions.
new places.
new faces.
originality at its apex.

i dream of a girl.
no shape or size.
just a girl. in my bed.
alone with me. where all
that matters is us two.
and i feel all my
aches and all my worries
slipping into a box that i
quickly hide away.
im healed.
its not sexual. it just is.
and we talk
and we laugh and we
cry becuase it is all so relative
and honest and all we do is love
because what else is there?
what more could we care about?
and we share a piece of the world with
each other because we can.

so there.
im katie
here on planet earth wondering what the hell im doing here
and why im less of a coward then the person
who created all this because im not afraid to show my FACE!