Nov 18, 2005 05:56
dream me a life unloathed (ode to 2005)
my only hope is december.
january came a cold closure to a roaming holiday and a chilly start to an abominable year.
february brought my first real valentine - that which turned into dust as soon as his own vulnerability did the same.
march and april blurred the beginning of my educational coma into a springy hope for something better, greener.
june made me bring children's talents to the surface with dreamcatchers and short stories and cigarette breaks and the denial of copy machine privileges.
in july, i went on vacation to a place where it snowed daily, yet sweaters were not necessary. only smiles protected me from sadness. and abandonment, in the end, was inevitable - but the ride, at the time, seemed incredible.
and august was included in the aforementioned early winter. the money eased the boredom and disconnected me from sober. where magazines were my friendly abuse and all friends were drug-induced.
september brought me back to the painstaking reality of my absence of a father and my presence of insanity. my former home seemed dead momentarily, and i became stuck in the aftermath of a glamorous life. a part mostly related to a purgatory of genuine laughter and frown lines.
october led me to learn to worship cows and showed me yet even more iced-over bridges. halloween caught me at a time where, to be costumed, i needed not a mask, for i was already somebody else.
november was the result of my final race for the cure that ended with a bail bond. followed by a personal sentence of isolation.
my only hope is december.
a december that will be overtaken by fallen leaves and fallen dreams.
my only hope is december.