(no subject)
Here's a situation that I'm dealing with right now:
(not sure if this is too relevant, but I'm Jewish, from the States, 22 female and in a long term relationship (four years) with another female who is also Jewish but from Mexico).
Lets say you're in a drug rehabilitation center for problems you've been having, it's a rather wonderful place, and since you've been there for about five days, you're no longer the new kid, as newer people keep arriving. It's a warm and sunny day and you're sitting outside by the pool with four other people. One person is Julie, a white, Christian (the Christian part goes for all of them) twenty-seven year old woman going to medical school from the United States; the second is Vicky, a twenty-seven year old from Ontario, Canada who's parents moved there from India; the third is Harry, a much older black man from Pennsylvania who is not a patient here but an amazing volunteer here who comes nearly every night, has been in and out of jail 15 times but now has been sober for 5 years and has helped you out a ton since you've moved in; and the third is the new new girl, Amanda, a white, seventeen year old girl from Maryland who seems to have been extremely nervous about starting here - hands shaking, keeps telling you how jealous she is that you're so "skinny," has dropped out of high school but clearly comes from family of money and is worried about people not talking to her and shit for being a minor.
Everyone's trying to make the new girl feel better, right? So then while she's saying where she's from and you, who has sort of been put in charge (or, suggested to by a counselor) of "guiding" her and making her feel more at ease since you're the closest to her in demographics, starts introducing where you are from and where everyone else is from. You say that you're from New York and then point to the other girl and say "She's from Canada..."
Before you can continue, the seventeen year old, Amanda, shouts out, "Oh my god! I love Canadians! They're so friendly!" Vicky, the Canadian woman, sorts of giggles and says, "Aww, thanks..." but clearly looks a bit taken off guard, yet then the seventeen year old shouts out, "I want to marry a Canadian, a black Canadian!"
Freeze.
Ontario girl, Vicky, looks extremely uncomfortable but sort of giggles and none of us say anything; however, Harry, who is 'black' and is always in the best of moods and with a smile and who knows how to bring a smile to everyone's faces, stiffens up and looks pissed but doesn't say anything, and he works here. You're not sure if Amanda even notices what a comment that she made, but you stupidly just ask if you can take a drag off of someone's cigarette to break the silence, and Harry says, "Here, take mine." Eventually, Julie, the med student, asks Harry to get her some CD and he goes off and she says that she'll go get speakers.
Ok, end of situation that occurred not too long ago.
I thought about it for quite some time. I figure that Harry is not just angry and hurt by Amanda but by all of us for not immediately speaking up and pointing out the racism and prejudice of the comment and helping to correct the ignorance. In my ideal moral situation, I would easily say to the person who said something like that something in regards to, "Do you understand what it means to be "black" and the amount of shit black men go through in being sexualized by white women and a white-dominated media, let alone just in life and how comments like that provoke and continue objectification and stereotyping?" But I didn't make any comment, if only because of how nervous she was about being here and having arrived only about 10 minutes prior to what she said. However, Harry has been through shit, serious shit, in his life, and him and I have spoken already about racism and prejudice and the role that plays in addiction and sobriety, and you're suddenly fearful that he'll do something rash and break his 4 years of sobriety. And at first I thought, "She's only seventeen, I wonder what stupid shit I said then," But then I thought, "Fuck that, the younger you learn past your race-class-based ignorance the better."
Looking back, I would have said something like, "While you're at it, why don't you make him Jewish and gay, maybe 'a quarter Asian' to spice things up," with a sort of tsk-tsking tone of voice, something not too harsh but where the sarcasm shows through enough that she could think about it a bit and perhaps apologize. But no, of course, you always think of the better thing to say after, and hell, if I had said that at the time, I probably would have regret it too.
What should I do? I excused myself shortly after, used the "I'm detoxing from heroin and feel kind of shitty and need to lie down" excuse, mainly because I just felt disgusted at her and troubled at myself and didn't want to say anything or doing anything that I would later regret. Anyway, should I talk to Harry when I next catch him alone? Apologize for not having said anything and explain pretty much what I wrote here, and ask him how he would have handled the situation if he were one of us (that is, a patient, white, with the 'new girl' who is a minor, etc.)? Or would that make things more offensive? I might feel awkward at first but I don't give a fuck, it's not about me and I feel it's part of my responsibility to not let other white people say shit like that, just as it would be the responsibility of a Christian to bring other Christians to awareness of their anti-Semitic behavior were they to have or display it (though I'm more than aware that racism and prejudice against Jewish people are highly different).
So...advice anybody? What would any of you guys do in this situation?
xposted to my journal, the community 'sobriety' and the community 'feminist.'
(not sure if this is too relevant, but I'm Jewish, from the States, 22 female and in a long term relationship (four years) with another female who is also Jewish but from Mexico).
Lets say you're in a drug rehabilitation center for problems you've been having, it's a rather wonderful place, and since you've been there for about five days, you're no longer the new kid, as newer people keep arriving. It's a warm and sunny day and you're sitting outside by the pool with four other people. One person is Julie, a white, Christian (the Christian part goes for all of them) twenty-seven year old woman going to medical school from the United States; the second is Vicky, a twenty-seven year old from Ontario, Canada who's parents moved there from India; the third is Harry, a much older black man from Pennsylvania who is not a patient here but an amazing volunteer here who comes nearly every night, has been in and out of jail 15 times but now has been sober for 5 years and has helped you out a ton since you've moved in; and the third is the new new girl, Amanda, a white, seventeen year old girl from Maryland who seems to have been extremely nervous about starting here - hands shaking, keeps telling you how jealous she is that you're so "skinny," has dropped out of high school but clearly comes from family of money and is worried about people not talking to her and shit for being a minor.
Everyone's trying to make the new girl feel better, right? So then while she's saying where she's from and you, who has sort of been put in charge (or, suggested to by a counselor) of "guiding" her and making her feel more at ease since you're the closest to her in demographics, starts introducing where you are from and where everyone else is from. You say that you're from New York and then point to the other girl and say "She's from Canada..."
Before you can continue, the seventeen year old, Amanda, shouts out, "Oh my god! I love Canadians! They're so friendly!" Vicky, the Canadian woman, sorts of giggles and says, "Aww, thanks..." but clearly looks a bit taken off guard, yet then the seventeen year old shouts out, "I want to marry a Canadian, a black Canadian!"
Freeze.
Ontario girl, Vicky, looks extremely uncomfortable but sort of giggles and none of us say anything; however, Harry, who is 'black' and is always in the best of moods and with a smile and who knows how to bring a smile to everyone's faces, stiffens up and looks pissed but doesn't say anything, and he works here. You're not sure if Amanda even notices what a comment that she made, but you stupidly just ask if you can take a drag off of someone's cigarette to break the silence, and Harry says, "Here, take mine." Eventually, Julie, the med student, asks Harry to get her some CD and he goes off and she says that she'll go get speakers.
Ok, end of situation that occurred not too long ago.
I thought about it for quite some time. I figure that Harry is not just angry and hurt by Amanda but by all of us for not immediately speaking up and pointing out the racism and prejudice of the comment and helping to correct the ignorance. In my ideal moral situation, I would easily say to the person who said something like that something in regards to, "Do you understand what it means to be "black" and the amount of shit black men go through in being sexualized by white women and a white-dominated media, let alone just in life and how comments like that provoke and continue objectification and stereotyping?" But I didn't make any comment, if only because of how nervous she was about being here and having arrived only about 10 minutes prior to what she said. However, Harry has been through shit, serious shit, in his life, and him and I have spoken already about racism and prejudice and the role that plays in addiction and sobriety, and you're suddenly fearful that he'll do something rash and break his 4 years of sobriety. And at first I thought, "She's only seventeen, I wonder what stupid shit I said then," But then I thought, "Fuck that, the younger you learn past your race-class-based ignorance the better."
Looking back, I would have said something like, "While you're at it, why don't you make him Jewish and gay, maybe 'a quarter Asian' to spice things up," with a sort of tsk-tsking tone of voice, something not too harsh but where the sarcasm shows through enough that she could think about it a bit and perhaps apologize. But no, of course, you always think of the better thing to say after, and hell, if I had said that at the time, I probably would have regret it too.
What should I do? I excused myself shortly after, used the "I'm detoxing from heroin and feel kind of shitty and need to lie down" excuse, mainly because I just felt disgusted at her and troubled at myself and didn't want to say anything or doing anything that I would later regret. Anyway, should I talk to Harry when I next catch him alone? Apologize for not having said anything and explain pretty much what I wrote here, and ask him how he would have handled the situation if he were one of us (that is, a patient, white, with the 'new girl' who is a minor, etc.)? Or would that make things more offensive? I might feel awkward at first but I don't give a fuck, it's not about me and I feel it's part of my responsibility to not let other white people say shit like that, just as it would be the responsibility of a Christian to bring other Christians to awareness of their anti-Semitic behavior were they to have or display it (though I'm more than aware that racism and prejudice against Jewish people are highly different).
So...advice anybody? What would any of you guys do in this situation?
xposted to my journal, the community 'sobriety' and the community 'feminist.'