Racist Roots
I abhor racism. But it wasn't always that way.
Growing up, my father was quite racist, and he taught me to be racist as well.
Once when I was 8 I was sitting on my front porch when a black kid, about my same age, came walking down the sidewalk, minding his own business. For some cruel reason I started shouting at him, taunting him, calling him "nigger nigger nigger" etc...
Unexpectedly he came into my yard... and beat the snot out of me.
I deserved it.
I've changed tremendously since then and I feel so very terrible every time I think about that. The look in his eyes of hurt, shock, and incredulity. I've seen many things over the intervening years and I've forgotten more than I remember. But every time I see an instance of racism or hate I think of that poor kid and the look in his eyes.
I wonder sometimes what effect my actions had on him. Whether he remembers it. If it changed him in any way.
I'd give anything to take it back, to somehow find him and apologize. :(
Growing up, my father was quite racist, and he taught me to be racist as well.
Once when I was 8 I was sitting on my front porch when a black kid, about my same age, came walking down the sidewalk, minding his own business. For some cruel reason I started shouting at him, taunting him, calling him "nigger nigger nigger" etc...
Unexpectedly he came into my yard... and beat the snot out of me.
I deserved it.
I've changed tremendously since then and I feel so very terrible every time I think about that. The look in his eyes of hurt, shock, and incredulity. I've seen many things over the intervening years and I've forgotten more than I remember. But every time I see an instance of racism or hate I think of that poor kid and the look in his eyes.
I wonder sometimes what effect my actions had on him. Whether he remembers it. If it changed him in any way.
I'd give anything to take it back, to somehow find him and apologize. :(