a talk with Mom
Today I had a long talk with Mom. I came downstairs and asked how she was and she said she has lot's of worries. You see, my dad had built a big garden around our house and now my mother says she needs to keep it to honor my dad. But it means a lot of work for her. We also talked about a neighbor who has a tough time, his wife and his son are sick, and there is an old grandma living still who can't help and so they have a lot of work.
I began thinking of what I want from life, and that in christianity they often highlight the need to love other people sacrificially. I asked mom if she would prefer if I stayed here so she would have some more help, and she got silent. I guess she really would.
But I don't want to live like that. I want my own appartment and live carefree. I've never been a garden type person. I don't want the whole hazzle with snow clearing and Family Above Everything.
I told my mom that no one would think badly of her if she went into assisted living, or get herself a little appartment in the local deaconry. But she wants to stay in this house so that my sister will have it easier. My sister has a shop in the house and doesn't have to pay rent here and needn't pay heating and electricity. If my mom would move out and give the house to my sister she would have to pay the taxes and everything, she would also probably need to renovate the house. Mom wants to spare her this and so she stays.
God tells me not to be bitter about my family. But christianity isn't only divine service and singing songs. I know it's also about the religious pursuit of charity. I have already decided that even when I will have moved to the city I will come back here frequently and help where I can. But I definetly want to move out, I am so unhappy here. I am not a family person like my mom for whom it always meant life to care for her family. She says she doesn't want it any other way for her. But I do, for me.
Is this really selfishness? Having dreams and pursuing them? Is there something about it which is sincerely wrong? The thing is, my opinion doesn't count. I had to plead my parents for years about wanting to move back to the city, and all I heard were complaints and worries. I got so intimitated about these things. It took years until my sister and my mom finally decided I could move out.
But I'm confused. Three years ago I got to know this woman, she's really cool and almost fell in love with me. Was it Jesus plan for me to marry her and get her to move to me so I would stay with Mom in her old age? I just don't know.
I began thinking of what I want from life, and that in christianity they often highlight the need to love other people sacrificially. I asked mom if she would prefer if I stayed here so she would have some more help, and she got silent. I guess she really would.
But I don't want to live like that. I want my own appartment and live carefree. I've never been a garden type person. I don't want the whole hazzle with snow clearing and Family Above Everything.
I told my mom that no one would think badly of her if she went into assisted living, or get herself a little appartment in the local deaconry. But she wants to stay in this house so that my sister will have it easier. My sister has a shop in the house and doesn't have to pay rent here and needn't pay heating and electricity. If my mom would move out and give the house to my sister she would have to pay the taxes and everything, she would also probably need to renovate the house. Mom wants to spare her this and so she stays.
God tells me not to be bitter about my family. But christianity isn't only divine service and singing songs. I know it's also about the religious pursuit of charity. I have already decided that even when I will have moved to the city I will come back here frequently and help where I can. But I definetly want to move out, I am so unhappy here. I am not a family person like my mom for whom it always meant life to care for her family. She says she doesn't want it any other way for her. But I do, for me.
Is this really selfishness? Having dreams and pursuing them? Is there something about it which is sincerely wrong? The thing is, my opinion doesn't count. I had to plead my parents for years about wanting to move back to the city, and all I heard were complaints and worries. I got so intimitated about these things. It took years until my sister and my mom finally decided I could move out.
But I'm confused. Three years ago I got to know this woman, she's really cool and almost fell in love with me. Was it Jesus plan for me to marry her and get her to move to me so I would stay with Mom in her old age? I just don't know.